Stop The MerryGoRound
by Luke's Momma
Summary: Alice is trapped by fear as a pyschic at a fair. Jasper is a man haunted by a terrible past. When they find each other will their love be enough to save them both? Please R&R. My first ever FanFic. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter One: All the Fun of the Fair_

_Alice's Point of View_

The night drew slowly in bringing with it the dampness of the early autumn. The breeze was still gentle and wafted the smell of greasy burgers, hot dogs, popcorn and sickly sweet cotton candy into my dilapidated trailer. I knew most people loved these smells. For adults it brought back fond memories of happier, more carefree times before they had become over-burdened with the pressures of everyday life as a "grown up". For the kids in a small town like this it meant an unusual opportunity to cut loose a little, to eat too much, flirt with the bad boys from the other side of the tracks and party too loud. For me it was a constant reminder of a way of life I had been sold into and that I hated with an ever growing intensity. I watched as a handful of giggling teens wandered around the park. I envied them so much it hurt, an actual physical pain at their easy friendship, their freedom. They strolled around aimlessly, arm in arm, chattering animatedly each conversation interspersed with small shrieks and squeals as they batted mascara coated lashes at the brawny boys manning the rides and earned catcalls and winks for their trouble. I wondered if they knew how lucky they were, I very much doubted it.

James and Laurent suddenly loomed large in the door of my cramped living quarters blocking out the meagre light afforded me by the sprinkling of stars already in the evening sky. My heart leapt in fear. Dammit I hadn't even heard them approach. I was glad that I hadn't switched on the small lamp that rested on my bedside cabinet , hopefully they wouldn't be able to see my half naked body. My eyes darted around my small home desperately searching for something to cover myself with and I sighed with relief as I snatched a threadbare coverlet from off of the back of the only chair. Raising my chin defiantly, yet not quite looking either one of them in the eye, I prayed they wouldn't see the trembling that was beginning to wrack my frame,

"_I'm not dressed yet gentlemen."_

I drew out the last word distastefully but then my breath caught in my throat as I realised my stupidity, sometimes I just didn't think. Shit! That could prove to be costly later on tonight. I dared to look at Laurent and his dark, dark eyes had narrowed in anger. They were jet black pools of evil as he glowered at me, a cruel snarl curling his lips and accentuating the gruesome scar that ran from his hairline to his jaw. Menacing. I wasn't sure who terrified me more. Laurent with his air of constant, barely suppressed rage or James with his steely calm that never wavered, even if he was putting a bullet in your brain. As James trailed his fingers up and down Laurent's arm the tension in him seemed to ease. They stared deeply into one another's eyes and without even glancing in my direction James said softly,

"_Get that pretty little ass of yours into costume and get down to your tent, Victoria needs to do a sound check before you can work your mojo!"_

I bit back the sigh that threatened to escape from between my clenched teeth, great, just great, now I had the bitch from hell to cope with as well.

I dropped the blanket hastily to the floor and bent down to retrieve my battered suitcase from under the battered bed. God was there anything in this damn place that wasn't old, broken or breaking down? I laughed harshly but with no real humour, that was a pretty apt description of how I viewed myself, old before my time, battered and broken. I scrubbed my hand across my face to stem any tears, self pity would get me absolutely nowhere, and grabbed the first outfit that lay on top of the pile in the case. I grimaced knowing that the gaudy outfit and over-the-top makeup I would be expected to wear would make me look like a hooker. That was what James and Laurent aimed for and I hated it. I had been on the circuit for four years and word had gotten round about my act, I didn't need to do this. I had regulars now, good people who shouldn't be fooled by the shit we pulled. I tried to tell them things when I could, but really I had no choice but be a part of this fraud. James and Laurent were bad, bad men the type only a fool would get tangled up with which kind of described my dad to a T.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to read Chapter One, please do leave me your thoughts, this is my first effort and I'd like to know if I'm getting it right or wrong. A big THANK YOU to butterflybabe23, I'm still smiling!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Two: Going Out_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I stared critically in the mirror, raising a questioning eyebrow and watched my reflection mimic the movement. I guessed I could see what Emmett was trying to say, sort of. My eyes had started to lose the haunted look I had first come back with and although they didn't sparkle with spirit like they used to they did look clear and honest. Emmett said that's why I always had girls chasing after me at college, because I "spoke to them with my spooky green come to bed eyes", whatever the hell that meant. I saw small dimples when I smiled now, which still wasn't often, but at least my cheeks weren't sunken and gaunt anymore. I sighed, I felt uneasy about going out tonight, crowds bothered me especially crowds of strangers and Emmett had been on the phone more than he'd been off it since he'd found out the fairground was in town again. The idea of hanging out with some old buddies was kinda cool but I knew what would happen, Emmett would tell one person who would inevitably tell a few more…the thought made my stomach churn with nervousness. I laughed to try and distract myself, what was it with this guy and funfairs anyway? I peered deeper into the mirror and wondered whether anyone would be able to overlook the damage that ravaged my body, I tried to tell myself it was okay, that they couldn't see under my clothes but I knew that I couldn't disguise the hundreds of small welts that peppered by face and neck and I shuddered. Fair enough Doctor Cullen had done an awesome job patching me up but you'd have to be walking with the aid of a white stick not to see the myriad of scars that stood out starkly against my pale skin. And I _knew_ people noticed, sometimes, if they made the mistake of staring at me for just a little too long, I would start to fidget feeling the small beads of sweat popping out on my top lip and if he were there Emmett would all but growl at them. He was a big and intimidating guy and the offender always looked away pretty fast. None looked at me again. Of their own volition my slender fingers had begun to trace the crazy swirls from my injuries and came to rest on two much older marks. Faded wounds that had nothing to do with a country's war and everything to do with a personal one. When Doc Cullen had noticed them he'd joked that I could've been bitten by a vampire until he'd seen my stricken reaction and abruptly changed the subject. Even after all these years the memories, like the pain ran deep.

I heard the front door of the apartment crash open and couldn't help but recoil from the sudden noise, which was actually an improvement on dropping to my knees and diving for cover which is how I would have reacted a few weeks ago. Then Emmett's voice boomed too loud in the small space.

"_Hey cowboy you finished beautifying those golden locks of yours man? C'mon we gotta split it's getting late. I brought a few beers, I'll even let you crack one open in the jeep…"_

I wrinkled my nose I _really_ hated his use of my old nickname but I knew grousing about it would make him use it all the more. It was a guy thing. He nudged the bathroom door open with the toe of his trainer and although he had kept his tone light he didn't bother to mask the concern in his eyes as I lowered my arm and I knew that I wouldn't be the only one trying not to look at the horrific scars on my wrists. I forced a stiff smile and joked back,

"_Hey looking this close to perfection takes time Bear!"._

Emmett snorted, grabbed the wet towel from the rack and launched it at my head. I snagged it easily before it hit home and hurriedly pulled the plain white t-shirt I had tucked into my jeans over my head. Emmett waggled his eyebrows suggestively,

"_Hmmmmmmm not bad man."_

I gave him a disgusted look

"_Yeah and if you weren't too busy chasing everything in a skirt I'd be just your type right?"_

Emmett guffawed loudly and draped his beefy arm around my shoulder

"_In your dreams man in your dreams."_

I shook his arm off but was secretly pleased by his compliment. He'd dragged me religiously, some mornings virtually kicking and screaming, to the gym and my body was starting to gain some of its definition back. My stomach looked toned and flat and the muscles in my arms strained just a little against the fabric of my top. I shook my head, at this rate I was going to end up like Emmett preening myself in front of the mirror for days on end. I laughed lightly in self-deprecation and the unexpected sound caused Emmett to clap me on the back…hard,

"_Shit Bear can you reign it in a little, I'm still kinda fragile!"_

He rolled his eyes in exasperation and shoved me unceremoniously out of the bathroom,

"_Whatever Jazz. C'mon we're outta here, it's a crime to keep the ladies waiting."_

I heaved a sigh, he was incorrigible.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

Thank you to anyone who decided to give Chapter Two a shot, let me know if it was okay…please! I'd already moved on a little so here's your next instalment. Hope you like it???

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Three: Bella_

_Alice's Point of View_

I don't know where my father had met Laurent and James or how they had dragged him into their seedy world but he had, they had and I was the one still suffering the consequences. They'd given him the easy way out. When he'd sunk so low that he couldn't meet his gambling debts or pay for the shit he was injecting into his veins they'd shot him. Dead. And then thanks to the worthless tramp who called herself my mother they'd come looking for me.

My family thought I was nuts. Nuts as in crazy, deranged, a stark raving lunatic. I wasn't. I'm not. I'm just a little different. Not all the time, just sometimes and at those times I saw things. Visions of things that had happened, were going to happen. When I was little I used to tell people all the time and they would always put it down to my having an "over-active imagination" even if what I'd told them happened exactly as I said a few moments later. They'd look around at one another and laugh nervously before finding some rational way to explain the irrational. Then something changed. Even now, all these years later, I can't put my finger on exactly what it was but suddenly I just _knew_. I knew that I scared people, that not everyone saw the kind of things that I saw and that I should keep my thoughts to myself because they didn't understand. It's a wonder I didn't actually go a little mad, although thinking about it, maybe I did because if I hadn't why on earth would I suddenly blurt out what I had seen? Maybe it was the total shock, the utter terror that if things happened as they usually did when I saw something in my mind then my beautiful little sister was going to die! Bella and I had been sitting crossed legged on the floor surrounded by paper, crayons and storybooks. We'd spent most of the afternoon indoors like that, whispering and giggling and sharing girly secrets because the weather outside had been foul. Rain had hammered against the windows and we had shivered, just a little, as the howling wind had found its way through the crack under the apartment door. Suddenly my body had stiffened and I could no longer see the familiar things in the living room, I was trapped within my mind.

_Bella skipping lightly down the road, scuffing her shoes along the pavement and humming to herself. She is trying her best to be brave but I can feel her fear. It isn't anything out of the ordinary, just a young girls flight of fancy getting the better of her. Glancing over her skinny shoulder, sure that she hears something coming from behind and that's when she sees him. He is big, so much bigger than her and he's pushing a trolley filled with junk. She wrinkles her nose. Yuck! He smells bad. Walking a little faster now and then running. She looks back again and he grins at her, some of his teeth are missing and the others are a dirty, stained yellow. He brings his arm up and she sees something glinting in his hand. It's nothing I want to scream, he only wants to say "hi" but her imaginations works overtime and she gasps in terror and runs faster. I hear the sickening thud as her tiny body impacts with the truck tossing her high into the air. I watch as she tumbles to the hard surface of the road, red and golden leaves twist and twirl with her. How are they so graceful? How do they land so gently when she does not? I see the blood. _

I screamed and although she had been well on the way to emptying the bottle of Jack Daniels that was still grasped in one of her bony, trembling hands my mom staggered to my side. The unadulterated terror that had been present in that one sound somehow managed to get through the fog of drunkenness that shrouded her like a cloak and she'd pushed her face into mine and slurred

"_What?"_

I can't remember how I told her, perhaps because I don't want to, because the one image that seared itself into my mind was that of Bella. Her rich chocolate brown eyes had gone wide with fear and her usually pale complexion had taken on an unhealthy pallor, tears streamed down her young face and all I could hear past the whooshing in my ears was her agonized whispers, over and over again,

"_Why would you say that about me Ally? Why? Do you want me to go away? Don't you love me Ally? Why would you say that?"_

I had felt the first blow crash into the side of my head and smelt the lingering oak and honey scent of the J.D. as it sloshed on the carpet beside me and then everything had gone black.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**A big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read the story up to here, I hope you like it. Please, please could I ask that you leave some feedback just so I know if I'm getting it right. Don't be shy, I don't bite (well not often anyway….just kidding…honest!) and as I might have mentioned once of twice this is my first effort…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Four: Emmett's Baby_

_Jasper's Point of View_

Emmett grew unusually quiet as we ambled over to the jeep and I couldn't help glancing at him curiously. The dark grey 1989 Jeep Cherokee XJ was his pride and joy and he was normally gushing over _her_ (_she_ was never to be referred to as an it!) by the time we were halfway to the underground car park where he housed his "baby". How many times had I been told what great functionality _she_ possessed, been expected to marvel over _her_ compact size and how all _her_ pieces fitted together perfectly to make _he_r a terrific off-roader as well? Emmett felt my steady gaze and I saw him blush, just a faint hint of heat across his cheeks before he barked loudly

"_What?"_

Interesting. I shrugged and waited for him to tell me what was on his mind, I knew it wouldn't take him long.

"_Jazz…"_

He trailed off into silence and so I busied myself getting into the jeep and securing my seatbelt as he turned the key and the engine caught with a dull roar and we pulled away.

"_Jazz when we get there tonight…"_

I kept my expression neutral and gave what I hoped was a disinterested sigh, if Emmett wanted me to know something then it was best I let him get there in his own time. He blew out the breath he'd been holding and I knew this time he was going to finish his sentence. I was beginning to feel slightly worried, what had he done?

"_OK Jasper I've invited a few people tonight"_

I started to groan but he held up his hand to forestall my complaints and I let him continue,

"_And, well, one of them, well, she's…erm…well her name is Rosalie."_

His words started to tumble over one another in their rush to get and I couldn't suppress the grin that spread over my face, oh I just knew that this was going to be priceless,

"_I really like her Jazz. She gets me you know? I don't have to explain myself and she loves cars too and she doesn't even mind when I act like a jerk sometimes. You know, when I look at other girls? And Jesus she's hot, I mean really gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous. And. Well. I just wanted you to know before you meet her."_

I stared out of the window of the jeep so that he couldn't see me beaming in happiness for him. Emmett was like family to me and I loved him but, like a brother, I saw his faults as well as his good points and he could be a dog! He loved the ladies and, unfortunately for them, they loved him right back. He would often be seeing two or three girls at a time, sometimes on the same night, and I had always warned him that when he fell he would fall hard. He had derided my more 'romantic tendencies', as he termed them, and vowed that no girl would ever mean more to him than sex, damn good sex a lot of the time, but still just sex. Famous last words. I composed my face and turned to look at his profile, he was still a little flushed and his lips were curved up in a rueful smile,

"_You say one word cowboy and I swear to God I'm releasing the door locks and shoving you outta that door right now…whilst we're still moving!"_

That was it, I collapsed back against the seat roaring with laughter only stopping when common sense told me that he actually might carry out his threat.


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**OK so I know that the last chapter was a little bit on the short side so I thought you might appreciate me getting chapter five on here pretty damn quick? Don't make me beg for reviews…please!! Just do your thing and let me know, good or bad. Thank you and enjoy.**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Five: Dressing Up_

_Alice's Point of View_

I shook myself free of the old memories and finished expertly applying my make-up, over-exaggerating all my features until I resembled some gross painted doll. I heard the music crank up another few notches and knew that my time had run out. I couldn't hide out in my trailer any longer, I had to work. I didn't bother locking the door behind me as I left, I had nothing worth stealing and if Laurent or James thought I had anything to hide they would just break in regardless. I shivered from the cold and teetered over the soggy grass to my tent chaffing my hands up and down my arms in a vain attempt to keep warm and stop the goose-bumps from chasing up and down my skin. The flap was still closed and the inside still dark as I glanced around until I noticed Victoria leaning indolently against a small tree. I saw her glorious red hair catch in the breeze and had to fight the urge to step back as she moved languidly towards me. She smiled a wolfish grin, she knew how much she intimidated me and how much I hated that she knew but what could I do? When Laurent and James weren't petting each other, they were fondling her. She had their affection and their protection. I had neither. I shuddered, not from the cold and squared my shoulders, I dipped my head acknowledging her presence,

"_Victoria"_

She carried on walking straight at me deliberately letting her shoulder bump into mine and putting me off balance because of the ridiculously high shoes I was wearing.

"_James said you needed me to do a sound check on the microphones?"_

Her voice came out in a breathy whisper,

"_Yes. We're hoping it's going to get busy tonight and I need to be able to hear properly especially over the damn music…"_

she wrinkled her nose in distaste

"_Well are you coming?"_

I nodded and followed slowly in her wake. She undid the door to the tent with practised eased and dragged me, none too gently, inside. I felt her long, painted nails dig into my arms painfully before she released me and I tottered back banging into the low table that dominated the front space. I bit back a hiss of pain as she said in a sarcastic tone,

"_Oops sorry, I don't seem to know my own strength. How clumsy of me."_

God she really was a first class bitch.

I moved carefully to the other side of the table hoping that I didn't catch my heels in the wet grass or small clumps of mud and sat down. I smoothed my hands over the red silk covering feeling the slightly coarser texture of the gold fleck woven through the cloth. It draped elegantly over the table ensuring no one could see the highly modern system set up underneath. The edges of the cover were adorned with gold tassels that complimented the design beautifully but were loaded with tiny lead weights, there to make sure even the stiffest of winds did not lift the edges. Behind me hung heavy drapes that were so red in colour that when a breeze shifted them it looked like a waterfall of blood. Attached to the front of the curtains was my dream catcher, the circle like most everything in the tent, was red but the threads that wove intricately together to create the web inside were gold and were decorated with luminescent beads that sparkled when they caught the light. Six feathers fell gracefully from the bottom of the ring attached by more gold thread and beads, they were the colours of the rainbow. Standing elegantly to one side of the dream catcher was a large iron candle holder, it's base was arched away from the floor shaped like a bow and intricately carved with lettering that I did not understand. Three spokes rose up from the base, the one in the middle just a little taller than those on either side, atop which were three chubby white church candles. The design around the spokes was flowing and curled though each piece ended in a wicked looking spike. I would light the candles to add to the eerie atmosphere later. And finally placed in the centre of the table was a glass orb. It was cradled in gilded hands designed to look like the slimmest of vines with leaves and tiny flowers etched into the smooth surface. I threw a black velvet cover over the ball and held my hand out resignedly as Victoria sashayed towards me.

She placed a small hearing aid in the palm of my hand and motioned impatiently that I should put in my ear, she was all business now as she began adjusting the unseen microphones at various points around the entrance to the tent. She muttered to herself but seemed satisfied with the levels of sound we were receiving and when she moved to the back of the tent the shadows enfolded her so completely that even I couldn't see her and I knew she was there. Before I opened she would move behind a thick curtain right at the rear of the tent, the same colour and fabric as the inner walls, to totally conceal her presence. Should anyone suspect she was there and demand she reveal herself, which they had never done, she would say that she was there for my security. Her haughty bearing and impressive, womanly stature - especially when compared to mine - would dare anyone to argue. I lit the candles and watched them sputter and begin to burn just as the coloured lights fixed around the door of my tent flickered into life and I heard James' bored sounding voice just outside,

"_Make it good."_

They were the only three words he spoke yet I heard the implied threat behind them, make it good…or else…and I shuddered, I couldn't help myself. My mouth went dry and I knew my voice would crack if I tried to speak and I detested my weakness. I swallowed three or four times before I went to open the flap that covered the entrance to the tent but to my intense relief he had already gone. The board outside advertising my services was bright and garish, spotlighted to draw maximum attention and I went to drape myself seductively around it, trying not to shiver in the cool night air.


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

I promise Jasper and Alice are going to meet…soon. Please read and review, thanks.

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Six: Meeting Rosalie_

_Jasper's Point of View_

By the time Emmett manoeuvred the jeep carefully into a parking space we were running late although I'd put the time to good use by apologising profusely for my merciless teasing about Rosalie. I'd even given him my solemn promise that I would behave and I would…probably. He turned off the engine and ran his fingers lovingly over the dashboard mumbling quietly

"_Be back soon honey!"_

I shook my head, totally bewildered by his attitude towards an inanimate object, as he launched another beer at me. I danced back a little to catch it one handed and held it out to the side as I popped the top, froth bubbled from the opening and ran down my hand to drip on the patchy grass. Emmett snickered and I flicked my hand in his direction but he easily dodged the flying droplets of beer.

"_So Bear where are we meeting everyone?"_

I tried, and failed miserably by the look on Emmett's face, to keep the apprehension out of my voice. Although he knew everything that I had been through during my time abroad and when I'd been held prisoner he could never truly understand it. He knew that sometimes if the depression sneaked up on me and took hold he might come home and find me drowning at the bottom of a whiskey bottle or, far, far worse, slashing at my wrists with a knife. This big manly man held me on those occasions and let me cry like a baby in his arms, covering him in salty tears and snot, rocking me and never saying a single word. I couldn't explain how I feared being among these people because of how I looked or how I might act. He tried to be sympathetic but he just didn't comprehend what it took for me to do this.

He motioned with his head at a point somewhere to the west and I grunted in response.

As we neared the wire fencing that separated the parking lot from the fair a burly security guard stepped into view effectively blocking our path. I immediately tensed and felt adrenalin flood through my system in reaction to my fight or flight response but Emmett's hand gripped my arm in restraint.

"_Sorry boys, alcohol free zone coz of the kids. Going to have to ask you to ditch the beers here. Sorry."_

He motioned to a large, barrel shaped bin behind him and waited while we threw our cans inside, they landed with a resounding thunk and the guard nodded his thanks and let us through into the park.

I froze for a second and must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights because I heard Emmett hiss

"_Jazz it's fine man. I few flood lights that's all. Look around, it's all good. Hey! Heads up! The gangs all here."_

He stepped in front of me giving me a precious few moments to compose myself as voices I recognised started to call out our names in greeting then suddenly I was dragged off, caught up in a flurry of shaking hands, back slapping and hair ruffling. Emmett beamed as he saw me visibly relax amongst our friends. No one stared, no one asked questions, everyone just seemed genuinely pleased that I was there. I looked over at him questioningly, silently wondering where Rosalie was when a statuesque blonde walked gracefully towards him. My mouth fell open with an audible pop and my eyes widened with surprise which just made Emmett's grin even broader. She was…striking. Her eyes were a such an unusual shade of blue that they were almost violet and her cherry red lips were full and pouting. She had luxurious blonde hair that fell in undulating waves down her back and as I allowed my gaze to wander down further I saw she had the perfect ass, tightly encased in a pair of skinny jeans. All I could think was 'WOW!'. I mentally shook myself as Emmett caught her hand firmly in his and pulled her over,

"_Jasper Whitlock, I would like you to meet my Rosalie."_

He was so formal and serious that I had the urge to laugh but I hadn't missed the way he had said '_my_ Rosalie' when he introduced her so I tried to be just as composed as I held my hand out in front of me,

"_Pleased to meet you Rosalie."_

She looked down at my hand and I knew she wasn't going to take it and I felt myself starting to panic. I needn't have worried as in the next second she stepped forward to hug me gently,

"_Hi Jasper. Please, call me Rose, all my friends do."_

I smiled shyly as she linked arms with both Emmett and I and pulled us hastily after the rest of the gang some of whom were already making for the food vans.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read this so far (and thank you to my very good Facebook friends whose encouragement and praise is making me blush). Please do Read and Review on here for me too. And to Butterflybabe23 - they meet in the next chapter - I promise!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Seven: Come In To My Parlour_

_Alice's Point of View_

Business was brisk for the first couple of hours and even Laurent, who had a terminally pissed off expression, almost smiled when he and James sauntered passed to see me working my magic on the youngster who was just exiting the tent. I had already spoken with three of her friends and I was just going to call for a break when I heard a large group heading in my general direction. I threw my head back a little and tried to look alluring as I heard male voices approaching, I pouted my lips as they drew nearer and huskily purred

"_Cross my palm with silver boys and I'll tell you what the future holds"_

I cringed inwardly as some of the more vulgar responses were picked up by the powerful hidden microphones and relayed to my earpiece but kept up the pretence of _Madame Ember _and began twirling my hands and fingers and rolling my hips to music only I could hear. The gang walked closer, girls now taking the lead and egging each other on as to who was going to be brave enough to come inside the tent with me whilst most of the guys hung back. One of the microphones caught a name being softly spoken and I pounced,

"_Which one of you is Rosalie? I have need to speak with you Rose, come step forward."_

I heard several sharp intakes of breath and some nervous giggles, those at the back of the group had no idea what was occurring and were still talking eagerly amongst themselves about last nights football game but I picked up her name again,

"_Emmett will show no displeasure if you enter the house of knowledge Rosalie, come, come see what your future holds…"_

I heard Victoria hissing in my ear,

"_She's the tall blonde, the one wearing that weird choker thing around her neck."_

I rested my gaze directly on her and beckoned with one finger.

I tried to ignore the low buzz of sound coming from so many different voices at once as she shrugged her shoulders delicately and looked at me with disbelieving and slightly mistrusting eyes.

"_Lucky guess?" _

I smiled knowingly and shook my head at her.

"_Yeah well before I go any further with…"_

She looked me up and down taking in the brevity of my outfit and my overly made-up face and I could plainly read the disgust there,

"…_this, how much is it gonna cost me?"_

A burly young man pushed himself forward and laid an arm possessively around her slim waist, he had a handsome face and his cheeks dimpled pleasantly when he gave her a cheeky grin and winked at me,

"_Hmmmmm so you know about me and Rose huh?_

I lowered my eyelashes in the slightest movement meant to show assent but refrained from giving anything else away.

He glanced at the billboard and let out a low whistle

"_Well for fifteen bucks this had better be good."_

He pulled out some crumpled bills from the pocket of his faded jeans and pressed them into my hand, laughter twinkled in his eyes.

"_We'll be just outside if you need us Rose!"_

She glared at him in mock annoyance and I saw the flicker of something intense pass briefly between them before her face became hard as she looked at me. She was doing this for a bit of fun but she wasn't going to be made a fool of. I squared my shoulders as I indicated she should precede me into the tent and held up a warning hand as some of her girlfriends made to follow,

"_I'm sorry but this is for Rosalie's ears only unless she later decides otherwise."_

It looked like they were about to argue and I tensed in readiness until I saw the slight shake of her head. She strode determinedly inside and sat down at the low table to wait for me, rather than close the flap of the tent I pulled across the doorway a wooden room divider that effectively separated us from those remaining in the gathering darkness but allowed them to see there was nothing sinister going on. It was all part of adding to the mystique.

Victoria kept up a steady stream of information, things that she was gleaning from the conversations of the beautiful blondes' friends outside and after a few minutes of gazing into my crystal ball and repeating the lines Victoria was feeding me, Rosalie visibly relaxed. When I asked if I could take her hand she raised an elegant eyebrow sceptically and placed her fingers, palm down, on the table. I breathed a soundless sigh of relief as I reached out to touch her and nothing happened, without missing a beat I turned her hand over in mine and began reading her palm. Rosalie left the tent some moments later and she was grinning from ear to ear as her girlfriends gathered round her in excitement.

I snuffed out the candles and grabbed a light shawl from round the back of my chair, half listening to the delighted chatter that was still going on outside of the tent. My earpiece went dead and I knew Victoria had switched off all the microphones and, unseen, had let herself out from the back of the tent. I blew out an even breathe and walked outside. A small movement just in my peripheral vision made me look up and that was when I saw him.


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**OK so this chapter is also from Alice's point of view, I thought if I kept it with Chapter Seven it would make the whole thing too long. I promise I will let Jasper have his say in Chapter Nine but you're going to have to wait for that one! Please R&R. **

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Eight: What's In A Name_

_Alice's Point of View_

He stood slightly apart from the others just to the right of the tent door and partially hidden by the shadows, his head was tilted to one side and his eyes were heavy-lidded and unfocused, like he was listening to something. My angel. In the times when I cried in the darkness he was the one who came to me in my dreams, his was the voice that soothed my night terrors, his were the arms that cradled me gently until I fell back to sleep under his watchful gaze. _Jasper_.

I didn't realise I'd spoken his name aloud until I watched him turn and a pair of startling grey green eyes bored straight into my mine. The power in that single look literally stole the breath from my body, as my knees began to buckle all I could hear was white noise and my vision started to fade.

"_Shit!"_

I heard the harsh expletive and felt a rush of air as I began to fall, snatches of conversations droned in my ears and I knew I was going to hit the ground, hard, at any second,

"_Jesus is …gonna puke?" "…think she's fainted.." "…get a manager?…"_

Time must have warped because suddenly sinewy arms caught me round the shoulders and I felt myself not falling but being lifted. A deep voice crooned softly against my hair and I could hear a gentle Southern accent in its dulcet tones,

"_You're gonna be alright darlin' I'm just gonna take you back inside the tent and away from all these," _he paused as though searching for the right word _"onlookers. Is that OK with you?"_

Without opening my eyes I nodded wordlessly and turned my face to nuzzle as close as I could to the comfy cotton that was brushing my cheek, fisting my hands in the material. The velvet voice began a conversation over my head,

"_Bear get this lot outta here man and close the flap down, you up for running some interference if necessary?"_

I didn't hear a reply but as my body began to sway rhythmically I knew was being carried through the doorway and I guessed 'Bear' was doing what he'd been asked. The arms holding me tightened just a little and I realised that we were now perched precariously on one of the chairs set at the low table. They were not designed for two people yet he made no move to release me and I made no move at all. I breathed in his glorious scent and knew that when I dared to open my eyes _he_ would be the one holding me.

"_Jasper"._

It was a statement of fact, not a question and I felt rather than heard his sharp intake of breath,

"_Okay darlin' that's twice you've done that now. D'you mind explaining just how you know my name because I __**know**__ we've never met before, I'm damn sure I'd remember seeing you."_

I smiled a little at that and suddenly I felt flustered. What on earth was I doing snuggled up to a man I didn't know outside of my visions? Alright so he had done the gentlemanly thing by helping me out, now he just had to put me the hell down and go. I was a little taken back by my flash of temper until I quickly recognised it for what it was, a defence mechanism should I need to protect myself against him. I didn't mean in the physical sense, I knew innately that he would never hurt me physically but there were other ways to wound a person. My own family's rejection of me had proved that. I struggled against his lower arms pushing them from my waist and he loosened his grip slowly, not attempting to restrain me just ensuring I didn't dump myself onto the floor.

"_And here was me thinking Madame Ember had all the answers!"_

He laughed lightly but his eyes were serious and as I turned to face him properly I spoke without thinking

"_You're my angel."_

He went very still and I watched as his hands balled into tight fists and flexed out again then moved to wrap tightly around his chest.

"_Ma'am I don't mean to be rude but…your crazy…!"_

He said it with such quiet intensity that at first I thought I'd misheard. It was the last thing that I had expected him to say and the one thing that had the power to hurt me more than any other, and it hurt, so much so that I could barely breathe. I watched him shake his head slowly back and forth,

"_No one who has seen what I've seen and done what I've done would be called an angel…__**ever**__."_

There was so much raw emotion behind that single word that instantaneously my own pain was forgotten and on impulse I reached over, grasping for his hand. The second my fingers closed over his it hit me…wham!

_Running. He is racing across the grass, pumping his arms for all he is worth, trying to reach me before they hurt me again. But he is so far away and so short of breath. He is panting, a hard knot forms in his chest but still he screams my name as loudly as he can. No one hears. He sees me fall to the ground and roll instinctively into a ball to protect myself and he forces himself to run faster. My arms move to cover my head. We both hear the sickening sound as boot connects to bone and he stops short, gasping. I tense waiting for the next blow and cautiously raise myself a little off the floor when nothing happens. They don't look at me now, they look to him. One of them raises an arm. There is a gun. I hear an explosion of sound. I am being violently sick, my stomach roiling and heaving, my world spins._

Someone was shaking me roughly and I felt my head snapping back and forth and winced in discomfort. I tried to twist away from the strong fingers biting into the soft flesh of my upper arms, to hide the tears that were flowing freely down my pale cheeks but I wasn't going to be allowed to get away that easily,

"_Ma'am? Are you OK?" _

The unintentional tenderness in his voice made me want to crawl back into his arms but I didn't respond, I didn't dare and his tone dropped a little as he began talking to himself,

"_What the fuck is going on here?"_

With a colossal effort I pulled myself together and tried to surreptitiously wipe my face but his sharp eyes missed nothing. I shrugged my shoulders ruefully not knowing what to say or do. I was scared, I was absolutely terrified because I had seen this stunning man die. The angel who kept me safe in my dreams would die. Because of me. I dragged my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from crying and heard him sigh.


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

Thank you all for your very kind words, it's such a little thing, saying thanks but I really do mean it. This isn't a very long chapter so if you're good I might reward you with another chapter today! As before, please Read and Review. Mwah!

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Nine: No Angel_

_Jasper's Point of View_

My brow furrowed in confusion as I set the petite girl back on her feet, though how the hell she remained standing in those hideous high heels was anybody's guess. I didn't understand why I couldn't stop thinking about the way her tiny body had felt as I held her against my chest, how she had clutched at my t-shirt, how she had smelt when I had involuntarily breathed in the fresh, citrus scent coming off her hair. Her lips trembled and the urge to run the tip of my tongue across them made the muscles in my stomach clench with desire. I could feel the colour begin to stain my cheeks and I drew in a pained breath before releasing it slowly. Get a grip Jazz. Get. A. Grip.

I had heard her whisper my name again whilst she was still curled warmly in my arms. Her voice was soft and melodious and she said my name with such, I paused to think, such _reverence_ that I almost came apart at the seams. I knew, as soon as I asked the question, that she had no intention of telling me how she knew me and whilst I didn't believe any of this _Madame Ember _bullshit I never expected, never in a million years could I have anticipated what her next words to me would be,

"_You're my angel."_

I hit the wall! I hit it hard and slithered down to another time, another place. It pulled at me relentlessly trying to get me to surrender to the dark and I fought back, I fought with everything I had to stop myself falling into the bottomless pit that had opened its maws and was salivating as it waited my arrival. I heard the shrieks of laughter from the funfair rides outside but my memories were conjuring up their own images now, those happy sounds had perverted, distorted from what was right and become screams as people fled from the church. A stone angel falling, smashing to the floor and fragmenting, chunks of cold rock flying at those running by, piercing into soft flesh. Everything burning. I felt the warmth seep slowly out of my body and pulled my arms around myself to try and keep it from leaking away, the last thing I needed to do was start shaking like a bitch. I almost called out for Emmett but something stopped me. Instead I lashed at her with my words and tried not to notice the anguished look that she flashed me, but, as quickly as it was there it was gone and compassion swirled in those soft, soulful eyes as I felt her take my hand.

The instant her slender fingers brushed mine something changed. I felt it. Felt her body stiffen and go rigid as if she had been hit by an unseen electric current, her nails were painted a ghastly red and she dug them remorselessly into my palms until I felt the soft skin there tear. Her eyes which a second ago had been gentle were now unclear and there was an utter wretchedness in their murky depths that tore at my heart. Suddenly she seemed to be the one lost inside memories. She began to whimper then, the most pitiful sounds escaping from her throat, and tears tumbled down her face dribbling off her chin. I felt physically sick and couldn't stop myself from grabbing her forcibly and shaking her, I needed her to tell me what was wrong. Did I need to get her a doctor? Her head rocked back and I cringed hoping I hadn't hurt her but it seemed to do the trick and with what was, obviously a tremendous struggle, she turned to face me. For the second time in as many minutes I felt bile rise in my throat, thick and cloying as she stared at me. Her face was ashen, a sickly grey colour and I _knew_ the look that haunted her rich brown eyes, I had seen it in my own reflection often enough, fear had its grip on her…deep and dark. Something inside of me twisted and the need to pull her roughly back into the circle of my arms and do what _ever_ it took to protect her was so strong that I had grab the side of the chair to physically restrain myself from doing just that.


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

OK. As promised, two chapters again today but the next chapter won't be around just yet. It's a little darker and is harder for me to write, it's not the sort of subject matter I've used before…that's supposed to get you intrigued…so, enjoy and please review for me. Thank you xx

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Ten: Leave…Now!_

_Alice's Point of View_

I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, floundering in indecision. I had no idea what I should do and whilst I gnawed on my lip, trying desperately not to sob, my body took over without any conscious thought on my part and I suddenly started to giggle. Quietly at first, small noises that were little more than stilted hiccups, quickly became full-fledged chuckles. I pressed my fist to my mouth and bent over trying to suppress my laughter, it really wasn't appropriate and the poor guy already thought I was crazy but I just couldn't help myself. I needed the release, needed to ease some of the tension that was still riding thick in the air. I peeked at him again and could see that the corners of his sensuous mouth were twitching, ever so slightly, in response.

"_Wow!" _I breathed

"_That was pretty intense."_

He inclined his head ruefully and made some non-committal sound in the back of his throat, all vestiges of humour had disappeared from his expression.

"_Oh shit!"_

He turned, staring at me pointedly and I tried not to panic, I didn't dare speak again, didn't dare alert him to the fact that there were microphones hidden in and around the tent and that, as of that moment, someone could hear every, single, solitary word that we spoke. I needed to get him out…now. Static crackled in my ear and I tried not to react, tried not to let a flicker of emotion cross my face. Shit. Shit. Shit. I attempted a laugh, making the sound husky, slipping back in character as Madame Ember with practised ease I pleaded with my eyes for him to play along, hoping against hope that he would somehow understand,

"_Now, now, now, that's a little bit naughty don't you think. How can Madame Ember possibly concentrate with you thinking those things you naughty boy!"_

I tried to laugh saucily playing the wanton gypsy for all it was worth but I felt ill, what if he gave me, gave us away? But he was instantly alert, shooting fervid glances at the door of the tent and I nodded fiercely letting him think this had something to do with the noises that were coming from outside.

"_So unless you have any more questions for me I think your time is about up though you are welcome to come back…anytime."_

I positively purred over the words until he grabbed for my hand and the vision slammed into me once more,

_Running. He is racing across the grass, pumping his arms for all he is worth, trying to reach me before they hurt me again. But he is so far away and so short of breath. He is panting, a hard knot forms in his chest but still he screams my name as loudly as he can._

This time I struggled against it, resisted being swept away within the confines of my own mind, he held my fingers in a vise-like grip and hissed,

"_What is it?" _

I tugged my hand free and tried to reassure him with a timid smile that I was fine, I looked furtively behind me, I knew that Victoria would never reveal herself but I was scared nonetheless as I turned back to him and mouthed,

"_Please, you have to leave now…"_

I could plainly read the confusion in his eyes as I tugged on his arm trying to get him to follow me. For a moment I thought he was going to argue as his body tensed and he resisted my feeble attempts to move him then he was suddenly ahead of me, pushing the flap of the tent open without so much as a backward glance in my direction. He barrelled straight past the well muscled guy called Emmett and strode into the dark running his fingers through his wavy blonde hair with quick, agitated movements. Emmett and Rosalie looked after him curiously, then back at me. As Rosalie pulled Emmett hurriedly after Jasper Emmett turned back and narrowed his eyes at me all the easy teasing gone from his earlier expression, it was definitely a warning I read in their blue depths.

"_Alice? Alice? Are you free now? My wife…"_

Jacob Black urged Nessie forward with a gentle nudge in the small of her back whilst she looked at him with a frown, neither of them had seemed to notice the hasty departure of my last _client!_

"_Jake! Shush! You'll get her in trouble, she's Madame Ember remember? I'm sorry" _she directed her comment at me now _"He's just so worried…"_

She trailed off into silence and I understood. They had been coming to see me every year since the very first time I had set up the tent in Forks and I knew why they were here. They were a sweet old couple and they worshipped one another, you could see it in every look, every touch, no matter how brief and something, not a nameless, faceless something, just one that I didn't want to put a name to, was threatening to tear them apart. I wanted to be able to give them my usual welcoming grin, to be able to share some good news but I couldn't help this time, not really. But Nessie needed me right now and I would worry about everything else later.


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Okay, not sure how this one is going to be received! This isn't the sort of subject matter I've ever used before and I'm not sure why my story's gone down the route it has but it's kind of taken on a life of it's own. Oh and the language has cranked up just a little too. Please do review for me, let me know if you think this works. Thank you!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Eleven: Visions and Dreams_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I nearly knocked Emmett over in my haste to get away from her, I needed fresh air, needed to clear my head. I had been _way _too good at my job not to know when someone was scared and I mean really, bone chillingly scared and she was. Right then I was battling against all those instincts that were screaming at me to go back there and protect her. Totally ridiculous. It wasn't gonna happen. I didn't know this woman and I didn't want to know what she had to be afraid of. I had enough complications in my screwed up life as it was without knowingly going looking for trouble. And I just sensed that this little bundle of scraps was trouble…Big Time. I pulled my fingers through my hair and slowed down. This was absurd. Emmett had brought me here tonight to meet Rose and have fun not to act like some neurotic action man on speed! As I turned to go and look for them I found they were right behind me wearing twin expressions of concern. I held my hands up in mock surrender

"_Sorry, sorry! I'm fine. Just got a bit claustrophobic and needed to get out. I'm fine. Sorry."_

I hated the lie and felt its bitterness on my tongue but Emmett knew how I could get in confined, enclosed spaces and I knew that he wouldn't question me further and I really couldn't deal with what had just happened. What had just happened?

"_Look man I'm sorry to ruin your night but I'm gonna split. Don't worry about me, I'll walk back into town it's not far. You and Rose go…enjoy. Rosalie it was nice to meet you, hope to see you again soon."_

It was a dismissal and they both knew it but Emmett was not quite ready to let me go,

"_We'll drop you back Jazz…"_

I stopped him mid-sentence with a swift shake of my head,

"_Alright but if you need me, call me on my cell OK?"_

I nodded and trudged away.

Not far from her tent I stopped. How the hell had I ended I back here? Wasn't my body listening to my brain? Apparently not. I gave a resigned shrug and sat down on the dewy grass, shielded from the glow of the fairground attractions I looked up into the branches of a young nurse tree. I had always loved the idea of the nurse tree, loved that within its shelter other plant and animal life could find sanctuary and the ability to flourish. Humankind would do well to learn from Mother Nature. I sighed and stretched my legs out in front of me, that wasn't fair. I knew there were good people out there I'd just become jaded, wearied from things that I had seen and that I'd done. At the age of twenty I felt old and so very tired. I let out a low whistle, alone time was never good for me, alone time in the dark was even worse. I had wanted to get up and walk away. I _should_ have gotten up and walked away. If I'd hurried after Emmett, Rose and the others I would have been able to catch them and let their warm presence, filled with fun and laughter, keep the demons away but I hadn't. I had stayed. I lifted my arm to check the time on my watch and ground my teeth together when the faint glow from the LCD display made my scars stand out in stark relief against my skin. I just needed to see the girl once, to reassure myself that she was okay and then I could go home. I couldn't seem to make my recalcitrant limbs move to desert her, yet as the gloom encroached ever closer and the night-shining clouds hid the moon I knew that if she didn't leave that tent soon I was in real fucking trouble. I tried to stifle a yawn as I allowed my head to fall back against the rough bark of the tree, I could try and see the stars, count the tiny pinpricks of light but even as I tried to distract myself, my eyes drifted closed…

_The darkness began creeping towards me, edging out the light. I watched as the shadows grew smoky, insubstantial tendrils and tried to draw my feet out of their reach. In the gloom fingers began to form grasping hungrily at my ankles, licking at them like tongues of fire licking at dry brush. In my dreams I knew what was coming._

_I sat huddled on the floor of the basement, my knees drawn up tight against my scrawny body as I tried to make myself as small as possible, to become invisible under the rickety wooden staircase. My chest hurt as I wheezed in a breath and tried not to cry out when my skinny fingers pressed against the bruises already forming along my ribs. The room smelled stale and unused and the dust motes tickled my throat, I so badly wanted to cough or sneeze or both, but I didn't dare. I cringed against the brickwork that pressed uncomfortably into my back as I heard the door creak open,_

"_I know you're down there Jasper. Don't make me come find you."I squeezed my legs together, tighter and tighter as the voice continued, high and whiney,_

_Baby. C'mon. Maria needs her boy…"_

_I could hear Nettie and Lucy crying somewhere upstairs, I had practically thrown them in the closet bellowing at them not to come out no matter what they heard and I prayed they listened to me. I didn't want my sisters anywhere near Maria, she could kill them. I touched my hand to my neck where she had bitten me and it came away sticky with the blood she had tried to lick with her tongue. Fighting back I sob I shook my head, I didn't understand. She had called me to her room, said she was lonely since my dad had died and asked me to sit with her, tell her about my day. I was flattered by the attention and sad that we had both lost the man we loved. She was, had been, my dads new wife and I was the envy of all the boys in my class when she brought me to school. I basked in the her reflected glory when they cast sneaky looks at her long legs and tight tops. She pulled me close and held me against her ample chest. She smelled delicious, like strawberries and cream and as I rested my head I saw her nipples harden as my breath blew across them unintentionally. I didn't move, didn't say a word as her hands suddenly went down the front of my pants. I had grown instantly hard under her urgent fingers and her lips sought my neck and she began kissing and nipping at me with her teeth. Not nipping now, biting. My young body shook with yearning but I knew this was wrong and started to squirm in an effort to get free of her hold,_

"_Tell Maria how much you need her baby. Tell Maria how much you want her."_

_She was panting, her eyes hooded as she pulled on me grinding her hips against my side._

"_NO!"_

_She tore her face away from me at my bleak cry and I saw the blood on her lips, on her teeth and felt the acute pain in my neck,_

"_No?"_

_She put her head on one side and looked at me quizzically leaning forward to flick her tongue over the grizzly wound she had made and I cried out._

"_No?"_

_This time her voice was bitter, cruel and angry and I didn't even see the hand that collided with my face. As she moved I tumbled from the loveseat and hit the floor with a resounding thud and suddenly there was pain everywhere as she kicked and punched me in a blind fury. I never, not once, thought to hit her back. She was a woman and a man never, ever laid his hand on a woman and I had to think of my sisters. I had to protect them. What if she went after them? I had to keep her attention focused on me. Somehow I got free from Maria's ranting long enough to find the girls and bundle them into the closet. Then I ran, trying to find a hiding place far enough from them that they would be safe. The basement._

_I began rocking myself back and forth as I heard the top step groan even under her slight weight, _

"_Jasper, ready or not here I come…"_

_She giggled as though it were some innocent childhood game we were playing but as she slowly descended the stairs I knew this was anything but. I felt the panic settle like an icy boulder in the pit of my stomach at the same time shame burned my face, scalding my cheeks and bringing the sting of tears to my eyes. The warmth running down between my legs and pooling on the floor under me was the cause of my humiliation as fear caused me to pee myself._

I jolted awake choking back a scream. My t-shirt was damp with sweat and I was visibly shaking. Sure that I must have called out in my sleep I looked cautiously around but it was still deserted this far from the main thoroughfare and I relaxed slightly. Only a dream. Just another goddamn dream. Breathe Jasper. Chill the fuck out.

An old lady walked slowly from behind the elaborate screen positioned at the entrance to the tent leaning heavily on the girls arm. Her face was lined with age and her hair was wispy and grey yet her eyes sparkled with an awareness that belied her obvious age as she grasped at the wizened hand of the old man waiting for her. Unable to stop myself getting up and moving forward as soon as I saw _her_, I heard the old woman whisper hoarsely

"_She can't see Jake. Alice said she had a vision and knew about the cancer and that she saw me in hospital but that I was still asleep after the operation. She said it was too early for her to tell me anything for sure but that she had a feeling it was going to be okay."_

They hugged one another fiercely and I caught the old man's strangled sob

"_Thank God Nessie and thank Alice too."_

As they walked away, holding on to one another tightly for support I used my anger to shake off the remnants of my dream. I was beyond furious. How dare she? What the hell gave her the right to give people that sort of hope? A bit of harmless fun at the fair was one thing but this, this was something entirely different. My hands were balled into tight fists as I thrust them in to the pockets of my jeans and then I faltered, I heard her call my name…again.


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Debbie B, **_**it takes a long time to grow an old friend babe so the years never really mattered! **_

**Don't think too unkindly about Jasper, he's hurting too! Thank you for the reviews, I hope this one lives up to expectations? Enjoy!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twelve: Questions_

_Alice's Point of View_

Nessie had been my last client for the night and as she turned to pick up her bag, I gratefully removed my earpiece and slipped it, unseen, under the table before escorting her out. I hadn't needed it for her, I never did. I was always able to read her so clearly, unless Jacob was in the room that is. For some reason whenever he had slipped inside the tent to stand by Nessie during their first visit nothing would happen, it was like she faded from view. The moment he left her side I could see her again, as though a veil had been lifted from my eyes. She had still seemed so vital during our last session, so _alive_ and I had lived with a crushing sense of guilt that I had seen nothing during that meeting, I hadn't even known she was ill until I had had the vision months later. Not just ill, dying. Her aged body slowly being eaten away by a dark mass. I had been desperate to contact her, to tell her that she needed to see her doctor but I hadn't known how. The fair had still been a few weeks away from Forks and I had waited in agony that something might happen, praying I would see her in time and then another vision, this one of her sleeping peacefully on a hospital bed, her emaciated frame swathed in thick white bandages. I let myself hope.

The lights around the tent and the sign went out plunging the area into sudden blackness but not before I saw an athletic frame push away from one of the trees close by. A shiver went through me, he looked really mad.

"_Jasper?"_

He stopped in his tracks and did that thing with his head again, tilting it to one side as though he were listening. I took a step forward and felt the heels of my shoes sink into the wet ground so I bent over to take them off. I shook my head in exasperation and heard his breath catch in his throat before he let it out with a whooshing sound. I cringed and looked down at my costume, yep, that'd do it, I shrugged apologetically and crossed my arms quickly over my chest letting my shoes swing from one of my little fingers. He began walking towards me again and I felt a frisson of fear, this was not a happy man.

"_Jasper, are you alright?"_

Now that my eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness I could see that his jeans were stained with dirt and grass and his t-shirt looked wet although I knew it hadn't rained, his hair was mussed as though he'd been scraping his fingers through it over and over again.

"_Jasper?"_

I watched as he squared his shoulders and ground out quietly through clenched teeth,

"_Where do you get off telling that old couple what you just did? How is that man gonna feel if…when…if…"_

Abruptly he changed the subject,

"_How. The. Hell. Do. You. Know. My. Name?!"_

He'd been edging closer to me with each word and we were almost touching, almost toe to toe, almost hip to hip, almost but not quite. I licked my lips nervously, saw him follow the movement and without seeming to be aware of it he reached up and tucked a stray hair behind my ear unwittingly caressing my cheek before letting his hand fall limply to his side his anger seemingly forgotten. I couldn't seem to move away as he looked down at my lips again and I felt my body sway towards his,

"_Alice?"_

A harsh voice penetrated the bubble that had settled around us, sealing us off from the rest of the world for the briefest of moments and I felt the blood drain from my face and took an automatic step back.

"_Get your ass back over here lady, I want the takings before you go spreading your legs again and humping some poor yokel."_

The colour returned to my cheeks in a rush as I felt them burn with embarrassment, I turned to go but Jasper touched my arm,

"_He's an asshole. Don't go…"_

It wasn't a demand or a even a request it was a plea and I faltered but then shook my head, it would be worse for me if I disobeyed Laurent and I wanted Jasper well away from him,

"_Give me a two minutes."_

I flitted quickly over to Laurent, able to move naturally now I was no longer encumbered by the cursed shoes. He scowled and held one hand out, clicking his fingers in irritation. I handed over the money from the evening and watched as he counted it slowly, once then again.

"_This is it?"_

I bobbed my head quickly, not daring to say a word,

"_You're sure this is all? Because by Victoria's reckoning this is fifteen dollars short. Victoria is never wrong"_

I held my hands firmly together to stop me wringing them with nerves knowing it would only make me look guilty when I had done nothing. I was frantically going over and over the nights events in my head when suddenly the penny dropped. _Jasper_. Victoria would have counted Jasper as a client when she heard the end of our conversation but I hadn't charged him. My voice quavered,

"_Laurent there's been a mis-understandi…"_

Before I had a chance to finish Laurent's fist hit me like a lightening strike catching me just under my eye. My head exploded with pain and bright stars filled my vision as I tried to stay on my feet.

"_Oh I __**don't**__ fucking think so."_

I heard Jasper curse and come bolting over the grass fury evident in the sharp twist of his mouth,

"_You really don't want to do that."_

Seemingly from nowhere Laurent had produced a wicked looking knife and he tossed it lightly from one hand to the other before pointing it directly at Jasper, I heard Jasper's voice change, take on the velvety timbre of a Texan cowboy. I'd noticed it when he'd held me, safe in his arms, earlier in the evening only now it didn't sound sexy, it sounded dangerous filled with icy fury,

"_Darlin' you wanna step outta the way, give us a little room to play?"_

Was he joking or was he just insane? He was staring down the blade of a knife like it was nothing more than a child's replica toy wearing an expression of almost amused indifference. I tried to force some air into my constricted lungs to calm the tremors wracking my body, I couldn't allow this to happen,

"_Enough!"_

James' voice was as cold as steel and just as smooth as suddenly he was beside Laurent laying a restraining hand on his arm,

"_We've got some trouble brewing over near the Freak Out, local kids and some outta town-ers by the looks of things. I want you backing me up. Now. And you" _he glared at me with undisguised loathing _"we'll deal with you later."_

Jasper didn't move so much as a muscle until they had both walked away.

"_OhGodohGodohGodohGod!"_

I could barely stand I was shaking so hard and I heard Jasper swear again before he swept me up into his arms.

My visions weren't always brought on by touch, sometimes they just simply happened. Sometimes they were hours in the future, sometimes days or weeks. I never knew, I just had to ride out the storm and try to remember to keep breathing. What I did know was that if there was one waiting in the wings, waiting for fates idea of the right person, that special someone to touch me, then they hit me like a wrecking ball, and I mean…

H A R D!

I knew where I was, could feel his strength as he nursed me in his arms but if he spoke to me in that moment I never heard him. My mind was awash with images of us, this was our future together, and whilst his words were telling me only one thing my vision was letting me see everything.

_His face is desolate. _

"_I have dreams y'know? The dreams… they're always about me" . _

_He smiles and tries to lighten the mood but his expression is filled with deep sorrow and he sees it isn't working,_

"_The worst ones are those from before. From when I was fighting. Sounds silly saying it out loud, that I was a…mercenary. Sounds almost like I was playing at being a soldier. Do you know what it means?" _

_He doesn't even pause to hear my reply _

" '_A professional soldier hired for money or other reward to serve a foreign army'…That's not why I did it though. Christ I was so naïve. I got caught up in all this civil liberty stuff at college, really heavy shit and I think I just looked at it as a way of escaping. My sisters were grown up and safe and I think, in a way I needed the thrill, the danger. I'd lived so long in fear from…" _

_He hesitates and touches the scar on his neck, it looks like a bite mark, a perfect set of even teeth and I watch as something akin to contempt and then shame fills his eyes as he remembers her. I see flashes, see what she did to him and I feel my stomach turn, I want to retch but I can't. Then he clamps down on the those memories,_

"…_stuff, that this just felt like it was something I had to do. I was seventeen when I went away, seventeen. I was a fucking kid…"_

_He is farther away now and he sees a bright, bright light in a dank, chilly cell. He sits naked and beaten, paralysed with fear, and there is so much blood. He wonders if it can possibly all be his. He can hear with perfect clarity the guttural voices speaking a language he doesn't recognise and yet he knows they are asking him questions. How can he answer when he doesn't understand? He hears the bleak sound of flesh hitting flesh before the screaming begins. It is him. He hears his own voice calling out, begging for mercy. Then it is not him. It is others. Other men in other cells suffering other abuse._

"_Hey where did you go?"_

_It is my soft voice that coaxes him back to reality and I press my lips to the palm of his hand as it rests tentatively against my cheek, he shakes his head,_

"_It doesn't matter darlin''._

_But I already know. I have already seen and my heart breaks for him._

The images were slow to leave me and as they did I mourned for what he had lost.


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**OK you've been patient with me the last couple of days so as a reward for your good behaviour :-P I'm posting Chapter Thirteen today as well. Thank you to everyone for all the positive feedback (especially butterflybabe23 who's not missed a chapter yet, you rock!) and I hope you like this one…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirteen: I Know…_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I had intended to march on over to her fuelled by righteous indignation and demand to know what the hell she thought she was playing at with the old couple, you didn't mess with people lives like that. I had even started to ask but then I remembered how she had called my name again, replayed the way it had sounded whispered in her sweet voice and all I'd wanted to do was haul her into my arms and kiss her. It had been close. When I'd seen her tongue flick over her lips my treacherous hands acted without my consent and petted her smooth skin. I saw her body rock towards mine and then…

I was captivated by the movement of her hips as she walked carefully over to the tall black guy who had called her name. I tensed, even in the relative darkness I could see unpleasantness in the way he arranged his features meaning to intimidate her and I hadn't missed the filthy things he'd said nor had I missed her mortified expression. I couldn't hear their conversation now but I saw him move back, a tiny insignificant step that most people would have missed as he redistributed his weight. I knew what it meant and before I could react, there it was, the sickening sound as his fist connected with her face. A range of emotions tumbled through me, shock at what had just happened, fear that he would strike her again before I could reach her but most overriding was the sense of unadulterated fury that boiled in my blood, heat flooded my limbs as I rushed to her side. Almost the instant the knife appeared in his hand three years of unrelenting and often ruthless training kicked in, almost. But not before my mind flashed back to another time, another place feeling only the pain from a thousand slashes to my skin, seeing only the hand holding a knife that was slick with my blood. In silence I grimly acknowledged to myself that being home among _normal_ people for the last few months had changed nothing, my overriding impulse in that moment was still the need to kill and I let everything shut down until all that was left was an instinctual, automated machine. Dispassionately I assessed that he looked to about six foot one and well proportioned, not too heavy with muscle that it would make him slow, not too lean that he'd let me kick his ass without putting up one hell of a fight. Good. I didn't want this to be easy. I snorted softly to myself, a sound of derision, who was kidding? This was going to be way too fucking easy. I took in the emotion swimming in his dull brown eyes, pure hatred, he was full of it and he wasn't even bothering to conceal it. Inspite of myself I actually paused, did this give me the right to step in here? What if he was her lover? Her boss? Both? It didn't matter_. I didn't_ _care. _He was _not_ going to lay a hand on her again…_ever_…which, I thought with a touch of gallows humour, would work particularly well if I cut it off! Alert to everything around me I easily picked up the sounds of another person approaching our position and saw a well dressed man with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail touch the arm of the guy holding the knife. I wasn't concerned. I could take out two as easily as one, even figuring the blade into the equation. They were dead men, they just hadn't realised it yet.

And then suddenly it was all over. Just like that they turned and left together but not before blondie had delivered a parting warning, they'd see to _her_ later. It was all the more chilling because it was said in such a balanced tone of voice. I took a step forward, ready to follow them and finish this when I saw her in my peripheral vision, trembling like a leaf. She didn't utter a sound as she pitched forward and I snatched her up easily into my arms.

The only problem with closing yourself off from your emotions is the aftermath - you have to be able to deal with it when it all comes flooding back. As I held her cradled against me and stared down at the bruise already staining its way across her delicate cheekbone I knew that I wasn't dealing. I could feel the scorching anger, that I was barely containing beneath a wafer thin veneer of calm, lashing at my will. If I didn't hold on to it with brutal self control a flash flood of feeling would spill out. There would be no slow burning fuse to temper my wrath, no warning, it would be swift, merciless and totally deadly and those bastards wouldn't even hear me coming.

I heard her moan quietly and her eyes flickered open,

"_Oh. Hello."_

I watched as first surprise then wariness chased across her beautiful face. Her mind had been busy protecting itself and I knew that she it hadn't yet processed what had happened but before I had even finished formulating the thought I saw awareness dawn in her eyes and she stiffened in my arms, I was impressed that she managed to quell the quivering in her voice as she asked

"_What happened? Where did Laurent go? How did you…ouch!"_

She broke off as I tensed and unintentionally squeezed her slight frame, the son of a bitch had a name. I set her gently down, keeping one hand resting lightly in the small of her back just incase she needed the support and I heard the derisive snort in my head

"_Yeah cowboy, it's got nothin' whatsoever to do with how good her soft skin feels under your fingertips right now. Nothin' to do with how she felt in your arms, how you can still smell her on you…"_

"_Jasper?"_

Her sing-song voice interrupted my conversation with myself and raised goose bumps on my arms. I felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as though she were actually caressing them.

"_Jasper I need you to go."_

I blinked at her stupidly

"_I beg your pardon?"_

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed as though she was trying to explain something to a small child who wasn't paying attention. When she spoke again each word was very precise and very deliberate

"_I. Need. You. To. Go."_

Anger crashed through me. Fear. Doubt. Anger again.

"_Please Jasper, before they come back."_

Oh hell no! She was not getting rid of me like that not after what I'd just witnessed, what I'd nearly done. I didn't need this, her, on my conscience. I looked down at her, she really was a tiny little thing,

"_Why? Does it get you off…the pain I mean?"_

Once the coarse words had left my mouth I knew that I couldn't take them back no matter how much I might want to. I tried to tell myself that I didn't know where they came from, why I had said them but I was never a very good liar, not even when it came to lying to myself. All those feelings. All those emotions. I still wasn't dealing it seemed. I deflected her blow easily as she tried to slap me,

"_You fucking…you bastard!"_

My long fingers encircled her wrist and I made small movements with my thumb trying to soothe away the hurt I had inflicted,

"_I'm sorry."_

She tried to wrench free of my grasp,

"_Don't you do that to me. Don't you touch me like that after what you just said to me. Don't you dare."_

I heard the anguish in her voice, saw the fire flashing in her eyes and I smiled to myself. She was a fighter this young woman, she might be scared and hurting but she was damned if she was going to let me know it.

"_I'm sorry darlin'. I had no right. I shouldn't have…"_

She moved closer and placed two fingers against my lips effectively silencing me and, as I watched, the anger drained slowly out of her body and her shoulders slumped forward. In that moment there was an air of such profound sadness surrounding her that I, quite literally, couldn't breathe.

"_It's alright Jasper" _she whispered _"It's alright. I understand. I know what she, what they did to you."_

Her voice was so quiet I wasn't even sure she had spoken until I felt her fingers leave my lips and stroke first the scar on my neck and then those on my wrist.


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I know this is a short chapter but I needed it to get where we're going! I'll post the next one straight away as well…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourteen: Always There_

_Alice's Point of View_

I was living a nightmare and just waiting to wake up. I had to be. Nothing else could explain the events that had transpired since I'd escorted Nessie outside earlier. My fevered brain decided that I must have fallen asleep inside and actually never left the tent at all. I looked down at my shoeless feet, they were grimy and cold. I felt my head thumping in a steady, painful rhythm that matched my heartbeat and the ache in my cheek. I looked at my hands stroking the jagged scars on Jaspers wrist. Oh crap! Not a nightmare. Not a vision. Just my avenging angel staring down at me with wide, angry eyes, I could see he was trying to disguise it but I could feel him virtually vibrating with the need to commit violence. I shuddered even though I knew it wasn't, would never be directed at me. More than anything I wanted him to stay with me but I would be risking his future if he did, how could I do that when he had been saving me my whole life? It was strange when I thought about it now, in my dreams he had never altered, had always looked like the man standing before me now, never ageing. Was this our shared destiny? Was this the time we were meant to find one another? I knew then that as much as I might want to make him leave, I wouldn't ask him to go again and I understood that if I had he wouldn't have gone anyway.

I linked my fingers lightly through his and thrilled when he tightened his hold,

"_They'll come back you know?"_

He nodded once, never looking away from me,

"_Oh I __**know**__ darlin'. I know but don't worry, I'm never gonna let anything happen to you." _

In my head I heard the words that he left unspoken, he'd kill them first! Suddenly everything was too much and I felt the bitter sting of tears. Why me? I had never asked for this, to be a freak in a sideshow. To have spent half my life in love with a man whom I'd only just met. Why was I chosen to be the one to see? I didn't want to be the keeper of dreams, to know peoples secrets, to watch loved ones die. First my adored Bella and now, sometime soon, Jasper. We had to get away. Maybe together we could outrun my visions. I could find Edward and Esme and warn them that they were in danger, they had saved me once before perhaps if I told them the truth they would be able to save themselves. Frantically I began to tug on Jasper's hand,

"_C'mon! We have to leave. We have to get out of here."_He pulled himself free and folded his arms. I could see the corded muscles in his neck had tightened, see the tic in his clenched jaw and realised he had no intention of going anywhere.

"_Please Jasper."_

He took a step towards me and I couldn't help myself, I blanched and took a step back. He glowered at me in frustration,

"_I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to know two things. One…how the hell do you know my name and, two…"_

Before he had a chance to formulate the question I deflected by answering quickly

"_Brandon. My name is Alice Brandon."_

At that moment the volume of the music in the fairground dropped and more of the lights on the stalls and tents either dimmed or went off altogether. Hoots of derision and jeers filled the night air as the crowds realised that things were starting to close down for the night. We had to go, it was the proverbial case of 'now or never',

"_Please Jasper, please come on."_

I knew that I was begging, that there was an edge of desperation to my voice but I didn't care. He looked me over quickly,

"_You going to put those damn things back on your feet or am I giving you a piggy back?"_

For a second I actually considered it and saw his lips quirk upwards in response, then I thought better of it. As I retrieved my shoes from the just behind me Jasper pulled out his phone and spoke quietly into it.


	15. Chapter 15

DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

OK I just need to point out that there is nothing sexual in Jasper/Emmett's relationship AT ALL. I've used the dream angle again just so you understand how important they are to each other. See what you think…

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Fifteen: Chase Away The Shadows_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I removed my cell hastily from jeans and dialled Emmett's number, I had to smile, he answered so quickly I wasn't even sure it had actually rung but my expression sobered as I heard the note of unmistakeable tension in his voice,

"_What's wrong Jasper?"_

He never called me Jasper, he must be really worried and I quickly tried to reassure him,

"_Nothing, nothing. I'm fine. You and Rose still at the fair?"_

He grunted, guy speak for yes, and I sighed in relief,

"_What d'you need man?"_

I looked to the heavens, this had the potential to turn into a very long conversation,

"_Look I'm still at the fair too. I need a ride. Plus one. I'll explain…later."_

I had to give Emmett credit, his only response was

"_See you at the jeep in ten."_

I stared at the phone in wonder. Emmett has just called his _baby_ The Jeep. Emmett _'I'm Such A Player' _McCarty had just referred to the love of his life as The Jeep. I shook my head in amazement, tonight it seemed, was a night of firsts.

To my continued astonishment and utter relief Emmett didn't say a word as Alice and I strolled up hand in hand. Or should I say I strolled, Alice kind of tottered in her ridiculous shoes. Rosalie raised an enquiring eyebrow but noting Alice's bleak expression and probably the damn great bruise on her face she said nothing and climbed into the jeep. I helped Alice into the backseat and felt my fingers tingle where they came into contact with her bare skin, she shivered at the coolness of my touch. I caught Emmett's watching us in the rear view mirror,

"_Jazz reach over into the trunk, there's a blanket in there somewhere. Your, erm, friend looks cold."_

I nodded my thanks before grabbing the fleece and settling it around Alice, she snuggled down inside it gratefully. I was amazed at Emmet's restraint, he must have been bursting to ask the questions I could see burning in his eyes but he held his tongue only smiling slightly when I made a round of quick introductions.

No one broke the silence after that but the atmosphere wasn't stilted or uncomfortable. Emmett kept one hand on the steering wheel the other entwined with Rosalie's, every now and then he would take his eyes briefly off of the road to gaze at her. She seemed to feel the weight of his stare and met his look full on each time. I swallowed and looked away, it was an intimate, private moment that was just between them. I turned to look at Alice as I heard her heavy sigh and a ghost of a smile touched my lips, she was sleeping. She looked so vulnerable that I couldn't resist easing her closer into the protective curve of my arms. This time when she sighed I heard my name on her lips and as she nuzzled her head into my chest I pressed a soft kiss into her hair. It felt natural and right as though she had been designed to fit into my life like the final piece in rather complex puzzle.

Emmett gunned the engine one final time before switching off the ignition,

"_Home sweet home boys and girls."_

I blinked drowsily, had I really just fallen asleep? Obviously, from all the smirking going on between Emmett and Rosalie, I had.

"_Oh shut up!"_

I groused which only made them laugh all the more as they jumped down from the jeep. Emmett swung round and I felt a rush of cold air as he opened the door before leaning across to unfasten Alice's seatbelt, I pulled her into my lap and as she tried to bury herself further into my embrace my heart rate, already unsteady, hitched up another notch. I gritted my teeth against the unexpectedly erotic images that were threatening to overwhelm me and tried to shimmy out of the 4x4. Emmett chuckled under his breath and lifted Alice easily from my arms and out into the night, I didn't like seeing him holding her and as I leapt out I slammed the door with more force than was strictly necessary. I wrested her easily from his arms all but growling at him,

"_I got this bear."_

I could have sworn I heard him mutter,

"_No kidding cowboy, you got it bad."_

But his expression was dean-pan as he linked his fingers through Rose's and set off for the apartment. I settled Alice more comfortably in my arms and followed after them, she was so petite that even climbing the stairs left me barely out of breath. Once inside I went straight to the over-sized couch and laid Alice gently on it tucking the blanket around her still sleeping form. Her hair was tousled and she looked so mouth-wateringly adorable that I moved quickly to the kitchen to get a cold beer before I made a fool of myself. I heard Emmett and Rosalie join me in the kitchen and keeping my head stuck in the fridge handed out two more beers.

"_Everything OK Jazz?"_

I saw Emmett flick his eyes towards Alice and his expression went from approval to amusement to concern. In all honesty I had no idea how to answer his question so I just shrugged. I knew him, he wouldn't try and force the issue.

"_Well if you…if you…don't…mind…we…"_

I gave myself a mental slap,

"_Sure Em. All good here. I'll just leave Alice to sleep, she's had a rough night."_

He clapped me on the back before grabbing Rose's hand and dragging the poor girl off to his room, a few minutes later I heard the sound of canned laughter blaring from his t.v.

I walked slowly back into the living room to find Alice awake and looking slightly disoriented,

"_Hey you"_

I whispered and she looked up at the sound of my voice, a radiant smile curling her lips and lighting up her face,

"_Jasper."_

Oh God she had to stop saying my name like that or I wasn't going to be responsible for my actions. I waggled the beer can at her,

"_Drink?"_

She shook her head and tugged the blanket a little tighter around her slim body, she looked embarrassed and seemed to be finding it difficult to meet my eyes,

"_Alice…"_

I prompted gently. Her words came tumbling out in a rush,

"_Jasper I can't thank you enough for getting me out of there tonight. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there and I really hate to impose but do you think…have you got somewhere…something I could…"_

She stopped and took a deep breath to compose herself before starting again,

"_Would it be possible to have a shower d'you think? And do you have something I could borrow to wear please, just some old sweatpants and a t-shirt…"_

I put my beer down and offered her my hand feeling a rush of pleasure when her small fingers closed firmly around mine,

"_Hmmmmmmm. I think everything I have will be a little on the, erm, large side but I'm sure I can come up with something."_

I led her to the bathroom, pushing the door open wide I motioned that she should go on in,

"_There should be plenty of hot water so don't rush, the clean towels are in that cupboard and wait right there…"_

I dashed off to my room slamming the door open so hard it crashed alarmingly against the wall and a few flakes of paint fluttered to the carpet. Oops. Leaping awkwardly over my unmade bed I rifled hastily through my drawers finally pulling out a long sleeved white top, a pair of white boxer shorts and some old grey sweats. I shrugged, it'd have to do. I looked quickly around my room, shit, I hadn't been expecting company but I could sort that out when Alice was showering it would be something to keep my mind from wandering over the fact that she would be in my shower. Naked. Covering her body with my soap. I groaned out-loud and walked…slowly…back to the bathroom. Alice was perched on the edge of the bath and I placed the clothes nervously on the toilet seat.

"_Like I said, no rush, I'll be on the sofa. Yell if you need anything darlin'."_

Before she had the chance to reply I firmly closed the bathroom door and couldn't help smiling when I heard the lock click home. Sensible girl.

I tidied my room in record time and then, as I made my way back into the living room, I hit the main switch plunging the room into darkness except for a small table lamp. I liked that lamp. It cast enough light over the room that you could see where everything was and where you were going but it afforded me some protection on the sofa, kept my scars in the shadows. I flopped down wearily and stretched out full length, mmmmmmmm, that felt good…

_A scream of primal fear ripped its way up passed my raw throat again and again as I felt strong hands on me, pushing me down. All my instincts were bellowing at me to get up and fight but I was so weak, so tired. I couldn't remember the last time I had been allowed to sleep or eat. I screamed again._

"_You're safe cowboy, I gotcha. C'mon back to the land of the livin' man. I gotcha. I gotcha."_

The agony in my limbs started to ease, the screams subsided to breathless gasps and sobs as I felt myself swaying, a comforting rocking motion as I was held captive - no, no longer captive - just held safe in a pair of strong arms. Rough fingers smoothed my hair from my eyes and I could feel that my skin was slick with sweat even though I was shivering. Emmett's eyes bored into mine looking to see if the madness had released its hold on me, when he spoke his voice was subdued and calm, belying the tension in his body,

"_Rosalie, please go to the kitchen and fetch a glass of water."_

I heard the gentle brush of denim as she hurried to the kitchen and came back with the water setting it on the table near my head. She pressed her fingers to my free shoulder saying nothing.

"_You back with us cowboy?" _

One of Emmett's hands was now locked around mine, anchoring me to reality, the other was gripping my shoulder as I rested my head against his chest. There was no embarrassment between us as he held me letting me draw my strength from his. This was just how it was when the nightmares came.

"_Alice…"_

Her quiet voice answered him without hesitation,

"_I'm still here Emmett."_

He nodded once acknowledging her reply and motioned that she should come on over,

"_NO!"_

Emmett's cry was loud, his tone abrasive and I jumped in spite of myself, he squeezed my hand painfully in apology before looking behind him, he knew what could happen, how I might react if the room was suddenly flooded with light

"_Alice don't. Leave the light off…just for now" _he paused and I heard him mutter to himself _"there are some fucking shadows that the light just can't chase away!"._


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: ****This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you to everyone who is still reading and to those of you who aren't reviewing but have added me to your alert "thank you" it's nice to know you're out there too. To those of you who are submitting reviews…MWAH…**

**This one is for Christine just coz I can (and you madam, be patient, you'll find out soon enough hahahahahahaha). Enjoy people xx**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Sixteen: My Reason For Living_

_Alice's Point of View_

I luxuriated in the feel of the hot water as it massaged my skin, working wonders on the hard knots of apprehension and doubt that had threaded themselves into the muscles at my neck and shoulders. I desperately wanted to wash all the make-up off my face but knew it was going to hurt like hell, courtesy of Laurent. I gritted my teeth, lathered the soap and closed my eyes. Oh! It smelt just like Jasper and I was about to smooth it over every inch of my body. I bit my lip. Hard.

I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower wrapping myself immediately in a fluffy towel. Guys have fluffy towels, who knew? The thought made me giggle as I rubbed myself dry as quickly as I could shaking my head in wonder. I was here. In his apartment. Basking in _his_ scent coming off of _my_ skin. About to step into his clothes. What happened now? I knew that he'd expect answers, he deserved them but he'd already called me crazy once tonight and that was an off-handed comment made in the heat of the moment, how would he feel when I told him the truth? And I knew I would, if not tonight then eventually, something about him made me just blurt out the truth! I was bone-weary, I just wanted to curl up in his arms, take strength and comfort from his presence and sleep. I pulled on his boxers and snickered again, I really had to get a hold on this nervous giggling business, it made me sound like a twelve year old, but stupid quips like _getting in his pants _were running through my head and I couldn't seem to help myself. I shoved my legs quickly into his sweats and dragged the top down over my still wet hair. Now I really did laugh. I looked like the dingle-dangle scarecrow complete with straw hair! I sat down quickly on the toilet seat before I fell over and rolled the legs of the pants up, a lot, it helped with the length but I had no chance of keeping them on at the waist so I let them slide to the floor and stepped out of them when they pooled in a heap at my feet. I pushed the sleeves of the t-shirt up my arms but they refused to stay there and I gave up, not the look I'd been hoping for but it would have to do.

I had just released the lock when the most harrowing, tortured cry I had ever heard rent the air over and over, bellows that sounded like a fatally wounded animal tore at my soul. _Jasper_. My mouth went dry as I rushed to open the bathroom door but I stopped after only having gone a little way into the large living room. Rosalie, her face frozen in a mask of distress, stood a few steps away from me, silently we moved nearer to each other clasping our icy hands together, trying to gain a measure of comfort just by being close. The awful noises had subsided to agonised whimpers as Emmett called to Jasper again and again. He moved him slowly back and forth, speaking to him in a low voice all the time, like a parent comforting a child who had yet to wake fully from the throes of a horrible dream. He smoothed Jasper's hair away from his clammy forehead and watching the two of them was one of the most powerful things I had ever seen. My heart ached for Jasper and I was beyond moved to see the way Emmett held him waiting for the nightmare to pass, waiting for his friend to come back to him from the hell he was in. They were so obviously brothers in that second that I was overcome with love for them both. The bond of chosen family, a true family.

Suddenly Emmett was calling to Rosalie, asking her to bring Jasper some water from the kitchen and I began to edge a little nearer to the sofa. I hesitated, I was reluctant to go to close - not at the thought of seeing Jasper - but because I was afraid that he wouldn't have wanted me to bear witness to his torment. Wasn't sure how much he needed Emmett to ground him in reality still. It was intensely personal and he had no idea yet that he didn't need to hide from me, that I already knew what he had endured.

When Emmett called me over my fingers automatically reached to turn on the overhead light and I nearly jumped out of my skin when his voice boomed out in the quiet not to touch the switch.

"_There are some fucking shadows that the light just can't chase away!"_

I heard his bleak words and understood that in his own way his grief for his friends' suffering was so intense that he'd do whatever he could to protect him.

I seized the back of the sofa in relief as I heard Jasper's voice, tired and scratchy,

"_Take it easy Em. I've probably scared the girls half to death on my own without you snarling at Alice like a grizzly. This shit happens…" _

he paused and his voice dropped to a virtual whisper

"…_you know that, you know how this goes."_

Emmett pushed himself upright but continued to hover like a mother hen until Jasper shooed him away,

"_I'm sorry Rose, I hope…"_

Rose waved off his apology and dropped a soft kiss onto his tussled hair before turning to tug insistently on Emmett's arm,

"_C'mon bear you're up to bat!"_

Emmett groaned

"_Oh that's fantastic, now you've got Rose at it. Seriously do I look like a bear to anyone here? No long snout, no shaggy hair, no stubby tail."_

He snorted and waggled his eyebrows, easing some of the lingering tension and making even Jasper smile,

"_Welllllllll that's not strictly true, I do have a rather well hung tail…"_Rose shrieked and darted off to the bedroom chased by a lumbering Emmett in an attempt, I assumed, to imitate a bear. I watched Jasper shake his head and mumble,

"_Gross!"_

I was still gripping the edge of the sofa when I felt Jasper brush his fingers across the back of my hand, just the ghost of a touch as though he wasn't sure whether I would be repulsed or scared and pull away from him. I looked into his startling eyes and saw the lingering effects from his dreams warring with his need for me to accept who he was. Suddenly the enormity of _everything_ hit home and tears filled my eyes, he was by side in an instant. I hadn't even seen him move.

"_Hey, hey, hey, there's no need for that." _

He bent his head and placed his lips over the tear that was rolling down my cheek, another one followed and he gently kissed that away too. He moved his lips to my eyelids that had fluttered closed the second I had felt his warm breath fan across my face and pressed tender kisses there as well. I felt his hands thread into my still wet hair, catching on the knots that I hadn't been able to comb out yet, and he tugged just a little, until my face was turned to his. His lips grazed gingerly over my bruised cheek bone and I heard him murmur,

"_I knew you were beautiful, even under all that make-up, I just knew. I don't know what magic you've been workin' darlin' but I've wanted to do this all night"_

And I felt the brush of his lips against mine, the barest pressure as though a pair of dainty gossamer wings were caressing me. I sighed with longing and moved sinuously against him deepening the kiss instinctually as his hands dropped from my hair to my waist, brushing lightly at the outside of my breasts. I sighed a second time,

"_Alice darlin' you gotta stop doing that!"_

I heard the hint of warning in his deep voice and blushed furiously as he eased me away from the warmth of his frame. His rejection stung and I was mortified by my own sudden lack of inhibitions,

"_Whatever's runnin' through that pretty little head of yours darlin' you stop it right there. You…we…ain't done nothin' wrong. What we have here, "_

He paused and pointed back and forth between us,

"_I have a feelin' that ain't goin' anywhere and we…we need to talk."_

I saw his fingers move self-consciously over his scars as he repeated, more to himself than me,

"_We __**so**__ need to talk."_

He went and sat on the sofa, leaning back on the cushions and closing his eyes. I studied him candidly while he lay there noting again his scars. There were so many of them but they didn't make him look like the monster he feared, all I saw was the flawless symmetry in his handsome features, his perfect full lips and those beautiful grey green eyes, oh! He'd caught me staring…

"_That bad huh?"_

He pushed himself up with a grimace and went to switch off the small lamp that was the only thing providing any light in the room,

"_Jasper don't. Leave it. It's okay."_

Everything I said, all the other thoughts in my head just sounded trite and almost insensitive but how could I explain to Jasper that when he had re-lived his past I had been there with him, on the fringe of his nightmare, not able to hold the phantasms at bay but swept along to bear witness to what he had had to face. I had seen him brutalised by his step-mother, seen the bloodthirsty inhumanity heaped on him by the animals who had held in him prisoner in a war that he had never understood. I had seen him naked and bleeding, seen his physical scars and the way he tried to hide them as his face burned with shame. How did I tell him that he shouldn't _ever_ be riddled with guilt, that _that_ responsibility belonged to those who had hurt him, that above all else he had survived and because of him, I had been able to survive too. He had become my reason for living and the reason I was alive. I didn't have the words.


	17. Chapter 17

DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

OK so I know some of you reading are not Twilight fans (shame on you!) and I just wanted to add that I'm not just waxing lyrical about Alice, she is referred to in the books (and the movies) as a pixie. Jazz's point of view so watch out for the language!

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Seventeen: I Don't Need Pity _

_Jaspers Point of View_

I watched as countless different expressions flicked across her face, daring myself to hope that she wouldn't run screaming from the room too scared to talk with me. I was under no illusions as to what I looked liked, I had to face my own damn reflection in the mirror every single day but I wanted, desperately wanted I now realised, for her to see passed that. Of course it might have helped matters along a bit if she hadn't come out of the shower to find me wailing like a demented banshee while wrapped in the arms of a man!

Shit! I must have really pissed someone off in a past life because this just wasn't fair! When I looked up I saw that Alice was wearing the clothes I'd left for her, she just seemed to have forgotten to put _all _of them on. I think my heart might actually have stopped working, my lungs certainly had, as she quite literally took my breath away. I just couldn't help myself, she was bewitching, her delicate appearance like a woodland nymph who had found me at the forest fair and followed me home, sprinkling me with her pixie dust. I took a deep breath as she stepped to the back of the sofa and let my fingers trail gently across hers. I heard her almost silent sob. Good move Jazz! Scare the poor girl half to death and then reduce her to tears. With the two nightmares already under my belt this was not one of my better days and I thought longingly of the bottle of whiskey that I had hidden in my room, if Emmett hadn't found it and emptied the lot down the sink anyway. I pushed those thoughts away and was by her side in an instant I didn't want this gorgeous creature crying, I wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her…before I could stop myself I began to kiss away her tears and, damn she tasted so good. Her eyes had drifted closed and suddenly I was a man both lost and found. Lost _to_ her and found _by_ her. I felt her soft curves slip into place against the hard planes of my body, felt her shiver as my hands brushed slowly down her sides. I couldn't stop myself blurting out how beautiful I thought she was, I just couldn't help it. My senses were filled with her and our kiss became more intense. She moved against me, trying to create the friction between us that our bodies were craving when I stiffened and moved away. In her moment of weakness, like a bastard I was taking advantage of her and though I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, I felt her distress. She was embarrassed, her cheeks stained bright crimson causing the bruise to stand out severely on her ivory skin. So silky-smooth, so ethereal in this light, so… I brought my teeth together with an audible snap. Surely she could see what she was doing to me? My breathing was still unsteady and my hands were shaking, my self-discipline was good but I was only human for God's sake and besides I needed answers. She'd evaded my question about how she knew my name more than once and had seemed to anticipate others before I asked them. I closed my eyes praying for some kind of divine intervention to give me the strength I needed to keep my hands to myself for longer than five seconds at a time. The phrase 'be careful what you wish for' sprang to mind as I opened my eyes to find Alice studying my scars. There it was. The look that I'd been waiting for. Was it sick to be relieved that she'd finally realised how disfigured I was or was it that I just felt sick? I got up, feeling like an old man as a dull ache settled in my bones, and went to turn off the lamp. I don't know if it was to protect to her or to protect myself but in the darkness we would be a little more equal, what the eye can't see…

She surprised me when she told me to leave the light and I couldn't look at her, couldn't bear to see what might be in those expressive eyes. I'd been here before…twice…and I wasn't anybody's pity fuck no matter how beautiful they were or how good they might make feel.

"_Look at me Jasper."_

I heard the plaintive edge to her command and my body, doing its 'mind of its own' thing again, did as she asked. Her face was serious, compassionate as she ran her fingers through her hair in a nervous gesture that mirrored mine before plonking herself down in one of the over-stuffed chairs, a classic defence mechanism to create distance between us. She crossed her legs on the plump cushions and I tried not to notice how creamy the flesh on her thighs looked…oh soooo not helping the situation Jazz…

"_Jasper?"_

I shrugged my shoulders, feigning a nonchalance I really didn't feel, as I sat down heavily on the sofa. God I needed a drink! I picked up the can that was still sitting on the coffee table, ignoring the glass of water, took a long swig and grimaced. I hated warm beer.

"_Do you really want to do this Jasper? Things can't be unsaid once they've been, well, once they've been said."_Very profound! I hid a small smile. But something told me that she was right and that if we did this there would be no turning back. Did I want to talk or should I leave well enough alone? I scowled, when had I turned into a coward? I had broken off that spectacular kiss because we, I needed answers and now I was hesitating. I looked at her again, she was a mystery and she was offering me the clues to solve the riddle I'd be a fool to say no.


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**OK so there's a lot of I'm trying to get across here and I know it seems a bit back and forth but that's because Alice is trying to explain everything but not sound like a crazy person! Hope you like it, this one took me a while to get to where I was happy with it!! I hope this answers your questions Christine ****J**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Eighteen: Believe In Me_

_Alice's Point of View_

I watched Jasper's internal struggle as he tried to decide what to do. I waited calmly, content to let him think it through not trying to rush or influence him in any way, I already knew we were destined to do this, I'd seen it happen. Finally I took his solemn silence as a sign that he wanted me to talk,

"_Wow! This is actually harder than I realised."_

I looked down at my fingers playing anxiously with the fluffy cushion and took a deep, steadying breath. Jasper said nothing, his expression closed, his eyes hooded,

"_Jasper have you seen that movie with Bruce Willis The Sixth Sense?"_

He nodded his head slowly, confusion evident in the way his head tilted to one side, I loved the way he did that it made him look like an inquisitive puppy. He cleared his throat waiting for me to continue,

"_The little boy in it, he says this thing…he says…says that he sees,"_

We spoke the last words together

"_dead people."_

I saw the smirk he tried to contain,

"_Are you trying to…erm…to tell…me…erm…that you see dead people?"_

I shook my head.

"_You don't see dead people?"_

I shook my head again and felt it start pounding, my heart thumped and I closed my eyes to massage my temples, the bruise on my cheek was starting to throb again too,

"_Okay, bad analogy but there's no easy way to explain what I, what happens when I…"_I threw up my hands in exasperation and practically yelled

"_I have visions okay? I see things, not dead people but, other stuff!"_

There. I'd said it. Out-loud. I ploughed straight on, keeping my eyes tightly closed, not giving him a chance to react.

"_The reason I know your name is because we've met. Well no actually that's not right. I've met you. Kind of. From when I was a little girl, you've watched over me. Like, like a guardian angel I guess, at least that's how I always see you. No wings or anything. I mean you're not dead, obviously. When my dreams are really…bad…you're there. I see you there with me, holding me, staying with me until I can sleep again. You've always been there. Just you."_

I'd been babbling like an idiot and abruptly I had run out of words. Slowly I opened my eyes daring to cast a glimpse in his direction, trying to gauge his reaction. He had moved to the very edge of the sofa and was staring at me intently, his breathing harsh and uneven in the sudden quiet. His voice, when he finally spoke, was low and tremulous,

"_D'you wanna run that passed me again darlin'?"_

I winced, swallowing nervously,

"_Erm no, I don't think so."_

He pulled his fingers distractedly through his wavy hair and got up, pacing the room like the proverbial caged tiger,

"_Look I think you'd better go. I'll call you a cab. D'you have any money? No. Of course not. Don't worry, I'll give you the money."_

No! This was not happening. He was the one who had wanted to talk, wanted answers well he was just going to have to suck it up and listen. I had no damn clothes, no money and it was almost two in the morning,

"_You wanted to do this Jasper…"_I paused, wondering how far I dared push him. Oh what the hell, I knew it was going to happen anyway maybe it was meant to be now,

"_We __**are**__ going to have this conversation Jasper…I've seen it!"_

I heard him swear violently and saw the beer can go hurtling across the living room emptying what was left of its contents, in a fine spray, over the furniture. It hit the back wall with a thud and bounced down to the floor where it span end over end.

"_Feel better?"_

He shrugged suddenly trying to lighten the mood,

"_Not really, that was a waste of a beer"._

I fixed my gaze to a point just over his shoulder figuring that was as good a 'go ahead' as I was likely to get and forged on,

"_I know how that makes me sound Jazz believe me I do. Can I tell you a secret? I told my parents once, I had to. I saw my…my… Do you know that they did? Shall I tell you where 14 year old Alice Brandon ended up? In the nuthouse with all the other freaks."_My voice broke on a sob and I felt my heart breaking all over again, for Bella, for myself, for all the things that had happened and would happen that I was powerless to prevent or change. Jasper's low-pitched voice intruded on my thoughts,

"_Why? What did you see I mean, what did you tell them?"_

And so here we were at the crux of it all, he had asked the one question that would strip me bare and leave me utterly exposed. Every time I relived the moment when I lost Bella another small piece of my soul flaked away and died. How many layers of myself could I afford to lose before I disintegrated and there was nothing left?

"_What did you tell them Alice?"_

His voice was pressing now, waiting for a response and I sighed sadly, I just wanted him to understand,

"_I have," _I hastily corrected myself _"I had a sister, Bella. She was my baby sister Jazz, it was my responsibility to look out for her. She was so cute, bright as a button too. We did everything together, she was followed me everywhere but I never minded, not ever. She was my kid sister. I loved her."_I gulped back a wave of tears, he needed to hear this and I needed to tell him - no histrionics - just me giving him the facts, yeah I could do that,

"_Everyone loved her but…my parents…they…they weren't the greatest. My mum drank. A lot. And my dad well I guess he was just a bum. You name it, he dabbled in it. Drinking, taking drugs, sleeping with other women, it's no wonder there was never any money in the house. I suppose, all things considered, I can even understand why my mom drank like she did"._

My laughter sounded false and brittle, even to my own ears, as I struggled to carry on,

"_I used to tell people y'know? About my visions"._

I saw him flinch and I smiled dejectedly,

"_When I was really little I thought everyone got them. I thought they were just stories that were about people I knew and that were in my head instead of being in books. I don't know when I understood it wasn't like that or even why, I just remember thinking to myself that I mustn't talk about them anymore"._

I paused had I heard the wind whistling under the door, the sound of a child's laughter? No, it was only the noise from the t.v. still playing in Emmett's room.

"_We were messing around on the floor, drawing princesses and frogs and witches in big tall hats when Bella prodded my arm. That's all it was, a simple poke with her elbow to get my attention and the bottom dropped out of my world. I remember screaming and I must have told them because suddenly it wasn't me screaming anymore it was Bella . Oh God! They were heart rending those cries and the way she looked at me, as though I had betrayed her in the worst possible way. I don't remember anything after that, not for a little while, not after my mom hit me. I think she used her whiskey bottle I can still smell it sometimes y'know? Still makes me heave too, the smell of Jack Daniels. Whatever she used she made sure it was hard enough to leave me unconscious. _

_Bella wouldn't come near me after that. If I tried to hug her she'd flinch, literally cringing away from me in fear. I lost the other part to myself that day. I feel so guilty. How could I not when I know that it was all my fault? Rationally I know that I couldn't have stopped the vision but what if I'd been stronger? Not blurted out what I'd seen. What if by telling her, it was me who set the whole thing in motion? If she'd have still trusted me she wouldn't have been on her own that day. She would have had no reason to be scared, to run because I would have been there to tell her it was okay. She died because of me Jazz"._

I couldn't hold back my tears any longer, they burst from me in wracking sobs and I felt Jasper's capable hands lifting me carefully before settling me into his lap. I buried my face into the warmth of his neck and allowed myself to grieve for Bella like I hadn't in a long, long time. I could feel Jasper's fingers tracing lazy patterns up and down my spine with one hand. I sniffed and felt him press something lightly into my palm, I managed to drag a thin smile from somewhere before blowing my nose.

"_What happened…after?"_

I squirmed uncomfortably under his even stare and whispered

"_My mom and dad had me put away. Committed"._

His fingers stilled briefly, just enough for me to know that he'd heard, before he carried on rubbing soothing circles across my back and carefully threaded the fingers of his free hand through one of mine,

"_I have no idea what they told them, the hospital I mean, I don't think I want to know but they kept me sedated at first, for my own protection, and then heavily medicated. Mostly I was like a zombie, unless I had a vision. Surprisingly everything was still crystal clear then," _

I longed to say 'especially you' but I didn't dare

"_that was one of the things the drugs never stopped, the visions, the other was the night terrors. I started having them the day Bella died, they still wake me now and they are always, always about her. _

_I thought I was going to be stuck there forever. I'd not seen my mom since...in the beginning my dad would drop by every now and then supposedly to check on my welfare but really it was to see how much money he could get out of me, we got given an allowance for cleaning up, stuff like that. We were supposed to be learning how to be productive members of society. God it sounds like a fucking prison! Before his first visits my heart would soar when the staff told me he was coming but it didn't take long for me to understand why he came and what he wanted. He was a pathetic shell of a man with a sickly pallor, unkempt hair and filthy clothes. He twitched constantly and stank of stale booze and cigarettes. I tried to love him and give him what little cash I had but he just made it too hard. He stopped coming when I stopped handing over my money. I wanted to end it all, tried to think of ways that I could but…" _

I hesitated, I hadn't been able to take my own life because Jasper had been there watching over me, always. How could I explain to him that I had encountered a love beyond the bounds of my fears and that it was _his_ love that had sustained me? I couldn't, not yet.

"…_but then I started going to Art Therapy. Despite everything I wanted to conform, to be allowed to go home. I still had this childish notion that I had a family to go home to. My sketches became just another outlet for my dreams. I didn't know they were quite so detailed until the doctor leading the therapy session asked me to stay behind. Edward."_

I couldn't help smiling at the memory of his kind face topped by unruly hair that always looked like it hadn't seen a brush in weeks and of his crooked smile. I laughed quietly remembering how, during one of our sessions, I'd joked about his hair and he'd sworn me to secrecy before admitting it took him ages to 'cultivate' the look, we'd laughed so much that day... I realised Jasper was waiting for me to continue,

"_It turned out that the picture I had drawn was of his wife. In my sketch there was a great sadness weighing her down. How I captured that in her features I don't know but when Edward saw it he was intrigued and he asked me who she was. I told him that I honestly didn't know and he pulled a photograph of his wife from out of his wallet, he placed it next to my drawing. They were identical. I laid my hand on his arm and said the only thing that came into my mind 'I'm so sorry' and he broke down. Once he'd pulled himself together he became the epitome of the perfect psychiatrist and asked me question after question after question. At first I refused to answer but eventually I decided to trust my instincts and tell him. After all I'd reasoned, what more could they actually do to me? I was already locked up, drugged up, it's not as if I had anything left to lose. So I told him that I knew from my vision that her name was Esme and that she was pregnant. He nodded and then asked me why I'd drawn her looking so sad . I hadn't wanted to tell him, didn't want to be responsible for another flash of anguish in his eyes, he was trying so hard to hide it from me. I dunno maybe he thought because I was only a kid that I wouldn't notice. He was wrong. I did. And I still believed that, perhaps, if I didn't actually say the words then I could be wrong, that what I had seen wouldn't happen. It was Bells all over again. I didn't want to feel responsible for another tragedy but I also thought that he already knew the answer he just wanted to see what I would say. So I put my life, figuratively and literally, in his hands and told him the truth. Told him that I'd seen her go for a sonogram without telling anyone because she'd felt unwell for days. Told him how I'd watched all the colour leech from her face when she'd understood how ill she was, that she might not survive to bear their child and of her fierce determination to prove them wrong as, in hushed voices, the doctors discussed a termination. Told him that her love for their unborn baby was so strong that she was willing to give her own life for her. He'd swallowed fresh tears, he hadn't known they were expecting a girl. Edward didn't share anything about Esme that day just thanked me for my time and asked me to close the door when I left. Things changed quickly for me after that though. Edward managed to get himself appointed as my psychiatrist and immediately started reducing my meds. He's surprisingly open-minded for a shrink. We talked for hours and despite all the things I told him he never once looked at me like I was crazy or told me I was ill or increased my tablets again. Eventually, he secured my release, I couldn't believe that he'd even spoken with my parents, I was going home."_

I sighed wearily, apart from the slightly distracting sensation of Jasper's steady breathing feathering along the back of my neck and the play of his fingers on my back he hadn't made a sound or a move since I'd admitted to, well to being admitted. I wanted to laugh at my pathetic attempt at flippancy but it wasn't funny, not even to me! I turned slightly so I could look up into Jasper's face and it was schooled into a mask of careful concern, his eyes were brooding and I couldn't name the emotion I saw there. He lightly kissed my forehead ,

"_What happened then darlin' how did you end up with the travellers?"_

I stifled a huge yawn, I was warm and comfortable in Jasper's lap and my eyelids were starting to droop but he deserved to know everything now,

"_The memories were too much. I couldn't function at home anymore, I saw Bella's ghost everywhere like she was still following me around only her presence was something foreboding and chilling. I was too scared to sleep and when I collapsed from sheer exhaustion I woke up screaming. My mom's eyes were too full of hate and recrimination and she sunk further into her whiskey so I started escaping to Edward and Esme's house whenever I could. They are such good, kind people I couldn't bear it if anything happened to them."_

I shuddered trying to block out the sound of a single gun shot suddenly ringing inside my head. I might not have been there when James murdered my father but my vision had made sure I caught the entire thing close up and personal and in glorious Technicolor. I wouldn't let that happen to them.

"_One day, oh my God that sounds as though I'm starting a fairy story, are you sitting comfortably children? Then I'll begin…I was on my way back from Edward's, I'd been helping Esme with Rene she was still finding it tiring being a mom, recovering from the operation and the chemo and I loved spending time there, helping out, helping to care for the baby. She's adorable, all copper curls and green eyes so like Edward. This big car screeched to a halt and I was thrown into the backseat, I was too scared to even cry. James and Laurent…"_

I heard Jasper rasp a few curses as his fingers crushed mine,

"…_told me I was going to go and work for them, that my dad had a lot of unpaid debts with some very bad people and that I was, that I had to, to, work them off. I started crying then, I was terrified, I kept telling them that my mom would call the police and they laughed. They actually laughed at me and asked how they'd known where to find me. My mom. She gave me up to them to save her own worthless ass. I've been with the fair ever since."_

I tried to pull away from Jasper but he reused to let me go, I think he sensed I was near breaking point. I'd left out part of the story, the beatings and the…other things…some stuff was just too personal, too raw to share yet,

"_Why didn't you run off, go to the cops when you got somewhere new?"_

I smiled sadly, he made it sound so easy,

"_Would you like my answer in one word or three? Single answer, Rene. Longer answer, Edward, Esme and Rene. James and Laurent knew all about them, they made it clear that they knew where Edward lived, and __**I **__knew they wouldn't hesitate to hurt them. What could I do?" _

My voice was barely above a whisper

"_In my vision I saw them shoot my father in the head and then three days later he turns up dead in some sleazy hotel, a 'tragic victim of a robbery gone bad' and I could do nothing. Should I have gone to the police and told them what I'd 'seen' ? What choice did I have Jazz? What would you have done?"_

I struggled to breath passed the excruciating sensation of my lungs being crushed, nearly there, nearly finished,

"_And it's not so bad really, most of the time. I actually enjoy what I do, especially if I get an actual vision and I can help someone, even in a small way. I have regular clients too, people who wait for the fair to come into town just to see me, like that old couple tonight, the Blacks. Nessie makes Jacob bring her no matter what the weather and she knows how much he hates leaving La Push but they always come, no matter what. He can't deny her anything…"_

I was drained and I sagged against Jasper's chest yawning once again, as I wriggled trying to get myself more comfortable in his lap I heard him say my name though clenched teeth, immediately I was alert as I looked up to see his eyes closed, his expression pained,

"_What it is Jasper, what's wrong?_

I fisted one hand in his top pulling myself upright until I was kneeling on his thighs, I stroked his face, smoothed the small frown from between his eyebrows and let my fingers move hesitantly over his sculpted cheekbones. He smiled just a little and when I saw his dimples I couldn't help myself, I leaned down and kissed them. Not daring to think about what I was doing I slowly began to touch his scars, I felt the warning rumbling in his chest and looked into his startling grey green eyes, they were open now and filled with such a look of longing that I kissed him again. It didn't matter that I'd just bared my soul to this man and that I was so enervated that I didn't stop to consider what I was doing, that he might think I was crazy, nothing mattered other than my need to kiss him and have him kiss me back. He nudged my legs apart so that I sat back down on his lap, straddling his thighs and I pushed my fingers recklessly into his hair holding his full lips against mine. He crushed me against his chest and I felt his heartbeat leap in response, when he broke the kiss I could still see the raw passion he was trying to dampen down as he studied my reaction carefully.

"_C'mon darlin' you're exhausted and this couch may be comfy but it's ain't that comfy!"_

I didn't even try to protest as he trapped my legs round his waist and carried me easily to his room.


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Jasper's turn so you know what that means, poor boy is all about the emotions! Again in this chapter there's a lot of stuff going on and sometimes the only way Jazz can express himself is by dropping the f-bomb so be warned, there's swearing. I am really pleased with this chapter and it's got things heading in the right direction so I hope you all like it! Summer Rayne this one is dedicated to you…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Nineteen: Crazy People_

_Jasper's Point of View_

It was official, one of two things had happened. Number one my mind had finally given up on reality and I was currently in a padded cell of my own somewhere dribbling weak tea down my hospital issue gown. Or, number two which was far more likely, the girl in my living room was crazier than a loon because there was no way in hell she'd just told me that she sees dead people. No. Way. And I was right, she doesn't see the dead after all, she has visions! Seriously? What the _fuck_ did she expect me to do with that little gem of information? I had half a mind to throw her skinny butt out of the door when she started with the angel shit again trying to explain away how she knew my name. I felt a sense of calm steal over me knowing it was waiting for the oncoming tempest to break free, I could feel the battle waging inside pressing for release. In that one moment as she talked about my keeping her safe in her dreams, she had no idea how dangerous I was. _I did not need_ _this_, this constant testing of my willpower. Then she had the nerve, the goddamn cheek to use that impudent tone with me, chastising _me_! I threw the beer can forcefully at the wall but I wasn't angry not at her anyway, not really, I was angry at myself because some part of me, some ridiculous sentimental piece of me wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that this pull I felt towards her was more than just animal attraction over a nice piece of ass. What was she doing to me? My emotions were swinging wildly between one extreme and then another, not a good thing! I didn't _want_ to accept what this enchanting little pixie, who was scrunched up on top of a cushion as though perched on her toadstool, told me but she was making it so damn difficult not to. Her face was so candid, so open and sincere that…

What? I'd been sidetracked, distracted, only just realised what she'd said, it had actually taken those few seconds to penetrate my self-obsessed musings. They what? _They fucking well did what? _I tried to keep my voice civil so she wouldn't hear my agitation as I asked what she'd told them, her parents. What would any child have to say to make their parents place them in an institution? It didn't seem to register with her that I was talking to her, she looked like…like a woman who had lost everything. Patiently I asked her again and then wished, I mean _really_ wished that I hadn't. Something had changed. Her voice? A little. Her face? Possibly. The air? Definitely. It was charged, electric but not in a good way and she had my undivided attention now as in a quiet, dignified voice she told me that once she'd had a sister. I heard the catch in her voice but she carried on expounding on her family life. I could feel my justifiable anger building against her parents, the adulterous deadbeat father no less disinterested in his babies welfare than the apathetic, drunken mother. Was her father's hard-bitten attitude to women the reason she thought herself so worthless? And I _knew_ she felt that way. I was rarely wrong when it came to sensing peoples emotions and I'd seen her chagrin as she'd played the lascivious whore in that outrageously skimpy costume tonight. Was her old man the reason she slept around? The words from earlier were still crystal clear in my mind,

"_Get your ass back over here lady, I want the takings before you go spreading your legs again and humping some poor yokel."_

I suddenly realised that I didn't care what she might or might not have had to do as part of her 'job description' she was here, we'd work through the other stuff when it came up after all I was in no position to judge anyone. Oh God! What was wrong with me? Even I didn't want to know what my wayward thoughts meant by that cryptic little quip!

Her voice was so heavy with unshed tears that acid burned the back of my throat and as I swallowed she laughed! I found myself empathising with her because it was not a laugh filled with mischief and fun it was full of self-loathing and regret. It wasn't a pleasant sound. I steeled myself for what was coming next.

I knew the instant she looked at me with those big sad eyes that I was too late in hiding my face, she'd seen me cringe when she'd spoken the word _vision _as she'd started her story again. I think she did it deliberately to see if I would stay to see this thing through now or whether I was going to flee - sprint hastily for the door yelling about a mad woman seeing dead people - and I considered it, for a split second I really considered it but then I lowered my eyes from hers hoping she hadn't seen the flicker of guilt I felt at my reaction.

…"_She died because of me Jazz." _Fuck! No! No, no, no, no, no. The room around me whirled sickeningly, tilting one way then the other and twirling like a spinning top before settling back as it should be. Oh fuck no. Not that. Tell me that this girl hadn't had to suffer that. I had two sisters who I loved beyond compare, who I had protected from things no child should ever, _ever_ know. I would have protected them with my life if I had had to and I couldn't even begin, didn't want to understand the utter torment that Alice must be feeling. Through willful neglect their mother had annihilated a previously unbreakable bond between two sisters and when it had shattered into a million pieces, like a glass bauble falling from a Christmas tree, the devastation it left behind was obvious still. It was blatantly there in the rigid set of her shoulders, in the maelstrom of emotion churning in her stormy eyes. Alice totally believed that she was the one responsible for Bella's death. I wanted to hold her and tell her that it was alright, that I would keep her safe but I couldn't protect her from those memories just as no one could protect me from mine. I wasn't surprised when her control faltered then and she abandoned all pretence of being able to handle the images in her mind. It was as though her slender body had been waiting for the most insignificant crack to appear in her composure and when it did her defences crumbled entirely under the onslaught. I was no stranger to the bitterness of tears and so I did the only thing my numbed brain seemed able to think of, I lifted her into my arms and let her cry. I wanted to be able to offer her the wisdom of wise words that would put an end to her pain but I had none so I offered her my strength, understanding what Emmett felt when he offered me his, desperate to give her something of myself as she was giving so freely to me. The trust she was exhibiting humbled me and I had to fight back tears of my own as she wept as if her very heart were breaking. Her tears were warm and wet against my neck and I tried to concentrate on keeping my cool, tried not think about the way her breasts were suddenly pressing against my chest with only the thin cotton of my t-shirts between us. Not for the first time she seemed to have totally bewitched my body into acting independently of my brain and I found myself sweeping my fingers up and down her back and ignoring the sharp pang of longing that wanted me to slip my hand under the top and touch her silken skin. Do. Not. Go. There. Jazz. Now why did I have to think about that? Jazz. Only Emmett ever shortened my name to Jazz and he only did it because he knew how much it pissed me off. But her, hearing her say my name in that sweet-sounding voice was so potent if I hadn't been sitting down already I swear my knees would have buckled. Why did she have to say it like that? How could she whisper my name and not know what she was doing to me? Like the word itself was stroking along my skin it's unseen fingers touching and teasing, making me imagine all the delicious things I could do to her to make her moan my name like that over and over. Jasper Whitlock, FOCUS. I remembered that there were a box of tissues down my side of the couch and grabbed a handful to give to Alice, she gave me a watery smile which I returned more fully but that had more to do with her unladylike nose blowing than anything else.

I hadn't forgotten what Alice had said about the institution so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when she told me what her parents had done, but it did. She'd been a scared, lonely kid and her parents, the very people responsible for bringing her into this dismal and callous world who were supposed to guard her from harm, had locked her away like she was some dirty little secret they had to hide. They'd already suffered the anguish of losing one daughter and rather than cherish what they still had they threw her out with the garbage. I listened in bleak dismay as she explained about the hospital and marvelled at her restraint, there was no anger against her parents, no outrage or resentment, if anything she was slightly understanding and I held her hand tightly, letting her know I was there. I didn't react when she told how she'd been kept comatose by drugs, didn't respond when she said how her father, self-centred son of a bitch, visited only to snatch away the cash she had worked for, but when she spoke about planning how she might take her own life I froze. Her words went tearing into me, each one a like a sharpened barb piercing my flesh, her pain became mine. The thought of her death chilled me to the core, the idea of a world where she didn't exist was unendurable and for a second I truly panicked and actually stopped breathing. I knew my thoughts, feelings were irrational, I didn't believe in any of this hocus-pocus shit but it was as if my very essence, my spiritual self knew her, had always known her and I had just been marking time until she came into my life. We were very different Alice and I, the sun and the moon. But don't they share the same great expanse of sky? Nature conspires to keep them apart but once in a while the impossible happens and they find a way to come together. The darkness of the moon tempers the destructive flames of the scorching sun and they become as one, a single entity to the naked eye neither one able to complete the eclipse without the other. Was it beyond the realm of possibility then that if I could feel this way now Alice had been dreaming and believing in our shared destiny for most of her life and that neither of us would ever be complete without the other. Two halves of the same whole. Since I had seen her for that very first time at the fair she had brought out an inherent need in me to protect her. I had been ready to kill for her before she had even told me her name. I knew then, perhaps if I'm honest with myself I'd known all along and just couldn't bear to face the truth because of what that might say about me, I believed Alice, I believed every single word. With this realisation came an inner tranquillity that I don't think I have ever known.

As she began to relate her time in Art Therapy I was stunned to feel not a spark of jealousy but a full blown flash-fire as she sighed, fucking well sighed over the name _Edward_, if that wasn't bad enough her eyes had gone all dreamy, her expression wistful and romantic. I had to fight really, really hard not to get up and throw something…again. I was more than a little unsettled by my reaction and felt a whole lot of stupid when she immediately went on to mention his wife. Oops!

I listened becoming more and more entranced, I must have looked like a kid sneaking down the stairs at Christmas and finding Santa munching on the cookies - awed, rapt, speechless. Totally at odds with my earlier behaviour I didn't even pause to question my belief in what Alice was now telling me and as her story unfolded further I realised just how lucky she had been. Not that she had this gift, this burden but that she had had the courage to reveal it to the one person who could help or harm her, it must have taken an incredible leap of faith for her to do that. The psychiatrist believing in the whack-job must be as unlikely as real a Beauty ever falling in love with an actual beast. I owed Edward more than he would ever know. God she was beautiful. Gently so as not to spook her I kissed her forehead. She rested against my shoulder and I slowly rubbed my chin against the top of her head, her still drying hair tickling the sensitive skin on my neck. I didn't want her to have to talk anymore, to see her words pick and pull at the unhealed scabs of her memories but I sensed Alice needed to finish this and as selfish as it was I still wanted to hear everything she had to say. Besides, none of this explained how she had ended up with the fair so I asked the question hesitantly, not wanting to break the mood that had settled between us. Moments, seconds ago even I had felt at peace with myself suddenly that was all blown to hell like some bad movie script playing itself out in my living room. I swore roughly feeling sick to my very stomach at the thought of what she must have been through. What was she leaving out? What had she suffered at the hands of James and Laurent? I knew firsthand that those twisted, sadistic bastards weren't above slapping her around to make their point but what else? Had they hurt her in a way I couldn't even bear to put into words? My body started to shake with unconcealed fury, I needed a drink. A strong one. I groaned holding on to her for all I was worth, silently begging her to stop because I couldn't fucking take any more. I needed to hurt someone, more specifically I needed to hurt _them_. I tried to distract myself by asking the only question I could think of, why hadn't she run? Her answer seemed to come from a long way away and I had to force myself to focus on each word, I was so close to losing it but I hung on, _she_ needed me, _she_ was the important one. I heard her whisper, answering my question with a question and I remained silent. She really didn't want to know what I would have done. And I could do it, I was more than capable of ending this because no matter how bad ass those bastards thought they were I would be willing to bet that they had never come up against someone like me!

My thoughts were still black, still murderous as I felt her relax fully against me, heard the huge yawn she didn't bother to try and stifle. Without my even realising it my fingers had continued making idle journeys up and down her back, trying to comfort, to pacify and I found my self aware again of how she felt nestled in my arms. Still I was totally unprepared for my swift response when she squirmed her firm butt deeper into my lap. Moves like that really should be illegal! I must have said her name, though how the hell she could tell what I said from between gritted teeth I don't know but suddenly her slender fingers were touching my face, stroking my skin. I know I grumbled in warning when she brushed over my scars but it didn't mean a thing. I was lost. I was hers. I knew that when she looked at me my eyes were blazing with my need for her and I didn't try and disguise it, I knew that she wouldn't be afraid. As her lips met mine I could think of nothing else, nothing, other than the sensation of that kiss. I felt her fingers tug at my hair and slowly, regrettably I ended the kiss. She was worn out and vulnerable and as much as I wanted her I was not going to have a make out session with this delectable creature on the sofa. She needed sleep, we both did.


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Don't hate me! Chapter 21 is following in just a few minutes!! (I hope you think that it makes up for this…can I even call this a chapter? LOL)**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty: The Bedroom_

_Alice's Point of View_

My senses were filled with him as he carried me to his room and settled me on the very edge of his bed. I knew, I had always known that I was in love with him and now my body ached for him as much as my heart always had.


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Okey Dokey so here it is. **_**'The' **_**scene! This was incredibly hard for me to write and I can't tell you how many drafts have ended up in the recycle bin. All those writers out there who can do Lemons have my utmost admiration. So, go get reading. Be gentle with and let me know what you think…**

**Debbie (and Fatima) this one is for you and I hope it gets you a little hot under the collar!!!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty One: Unchartered Waters_

_Jasper's Point of View_

She sat on the edge of my bed and plucked at the cover nervously lifting her warm, chocolate coloured eyes to mine I could see they were sparkling with unshed tears and I had to work hard to swallow past the lump in my own throat, she was so damn beautiful.

"_We're not doing this darlin' I ain't goin' anywhere, we got time, I can wait."_

I heard my voice ease into my natural soft Texan drawl that I'd found myself using nearly all night when I spoke to her, it was unconscious as though my soul understood that I didn't have to hide who I was with her. That it was safe to let her see the man I was trying to leave behind because she wasn't afraid of him.

She shook her head slowly, letting it drop so her jet black hair partially covered her face,

"_I want to do this Jazz. I need to be with you. It's…"_

She paused and chewed on her bottom lip.

"_C'mon Alice you know you can tell me…right?"_

This time she nodded but the small movement caused one of the tears to spill down her flushed cheek. I knelt on the floor in front of her, positioning myself between her milky white thighs, trying not to notice how much my t-shirt had ridden up her lush skin. I used a crooked finger to tilt her chin until I could look deeply into her eyes then slowly so as not to startle her I moved my finger and used my calloused pad to catch her tear. Gently I sucked it off and I heard her sharp intake of breath at the sensual action.

"_Jasper...I…I want to…I…really I do…it's…the thing is…I've never done this before..."_

Stunned I rocked back on my heels, that couldn't possibly be true! I was immediately ashamed of myself, she had no reason to lie and the fact that it hadn't even occurred to me was my problem, not hers. The trashy outfit she had been wearing, all the make-up, the sly innuendos from Laurent and James, everything about her had screamed experience and now? I didn't know. I kissed her lightly on the forehead, a platonic touch meant to reassure,

"_It's been a long day Alice and an even longer night. You need to get some rest."_

Her eyes suddenly flashed with fire and her chin lifted defiantly,

"_Don't. You. Dare. Do. That."_

I looked at her in confusion.

"_Don't you dare make this about being my first time Jasper. If you want to leave because of what happened earlier, fine. If you want to leave because you don't feel anything towards me or because you have some out-dated sense of morality, OK. But don't you walk away because I've not," _

she paused and I saw her blush,

"_because I'm a virgin."_

She said the last words so quietly I might have missed them had I not been kneeling so close to her.

"_Alice."_

I said her name somewhere between a plea and a curse, she had no idea what she was asking of me, of the level of control I would need so that I could make this special for her when all I wanted to do, all I could think about was immersing myself in her softness until neither of us could remember the events of earlier that night. So much for sleep and being noble! I groaned and watched mesmerised as her eyelids fluttered closed and she leaned forward to kiss me again. I felt her breath brush my skin just before our lips met for the most seductive kiss of my life. I let her take the lead, keeping my mouth soft, pliable on hers. I felt her tentatively nibble my bottom lip before her tongue followed the path of her teeth, tasting and teasing and I couldn't stop myself groaning again. She stopped and looked at me quizzically and as I held her gaze, staring deep into her eyes I gave her a small encouraging smile,

"_Hmmm. You taste like beer. Nice."_

She muttered and I chuckled against her mouth. I knew that I should leave, give her space but instead asked her permission to continue,

"_My turn?"_

She nodded and I carefully moved my hands to either side of her face, my thumbs stroking her cheeks gently, butterfly touches making patterns along her jaw line. Giving her time to pull away I lowered my head. I tried to keep my lips relaxed, to keep myself detached from the countless sensations threatening to overwhelm my tenuous self-control but I couldn't and the kiss became bruising in its intensity. I felt her sigh and dipped my tongue into her mouth. Oh God! She tasted unbelievably sweet like honeyed candy and I couldn't get enough of her. Since she'd sat on the bed, Alice's fingers had retained their vice-like grip on the duvet but now they moved to tangle themselves in my hair as she pulled me closer and deepened the kiss further our tongues gently exploring, our tastes mingling. I couldn't help the low possessive growl that resonated deep in my chest as she slipped her lips from mine and pressed them against the side of my neck, I knew what she was trying to do and I trembled not with need now but with alarm,

"_It's alright Jazz. Please…trust me."_

Her serene voice flowed over my sensitized skin soothing the places it touched and I allowed her then to kiss my scars as she wanted, felt her tongue flick lightly against them and I lost myself in simply feeling.

My hands moved to her sides and gradually found their way under the material of my old t-shirt to her slim hips. I held myself there for a moment, letting her get used to the feel of my cool hands, wanting her to understand that she could end this at any time. She gave a mewl of protest when I stopped and I didn't try to hide the rumble of satisfaction from deep in my throat.

"_Look at me darlin'."_

Her eyes when they met mine were bright and flashing with excitement. I began gently kneading her breasts purposefully keeping my touch light not demanding anything from her, watching for the first sign of panic. Her mouth formed a perfect O in surprise as my thumbs brushed across her nipples causing them to harden in response and I saw the faint flush of colour bloom in her cheeks.

I lowered my head slowly nipping gently at her soft flesh through the cotton of the top. I had already dropped my hands back to her waist when she ducked her head shyly against my shoulder, refusing to look at me,

"_Alice sweetheart, there's no need to be embarrassed. Darlin' if this is as far as you wanna take it, that's fine. We can crawl on up in this big ole bed and sleep. I ain't gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. You understand that right?"_

As she nodded, still keeping her gaze from mine, she tried to haul me upright and as I realised what she wanted I kicked off my trainers and pulled myself onto the bed sliding down next to her. Closing my eyes against the early morning light filtering in through the half drawn blinds I held her tenderly in my arms. As she rested her head against my chest I stroked her silken hair, listening to the hypnotic sound of her steady breathing. I'd thought that she was finally drifting off to sleep when I felt her nimble fingers clutching at the bottom of my top and trying to push it up. My heart thudded at the determined expression on her face and I sat up slightly, taking off my top in one swift movement before laying back down beside her. Her teeth worried at her bottom lip as she explored the scars on my chest before tentatively placing kisses on them, her fingers stroking my nipples now. I drew in a sharp breath as she eased one of her legs between mine making small circles with her hips against my groin.

"_Alice!"_

This time my voice was cautioning as she scratched her nails down my bare front until they reached the waistband of my jeans, I heard her giggle as she tried to undo my belt before I grabbed her hands.

"_Jesus darlin' you're killin' me here."_

Holding her lightly enough that she knew she was safe, that she could break free from my grasp any time she wanted I pulled both her arms above her head, trapping them there in one hand. I cupped her backside with the other, tilting my hips and pressing her against my hard length, letting her feel exactly what she was doing to me. I used my free hand to trace my fingers from her shoulder, down her spine to her thigh and back again feeling her body quiver in response, she was panting a little, moistening her lips with a swipe of her tongue. Did she even know how damn sexy that was? I felt her flex her wrists against my hold and released her immediately. She responded by running her fingers down my back not quite scratching as I arched into her touch with a sigh. She grasped my buckle again and this time I made no move to stop her as she tugged it undone. I watched her hands shaking and reached to help her remove my jeans kicking them off the end of the bed my socks following quickly after. I nuzzled against her ear, smiling when I saw her delicate shiver,

"_Hey you have way too many clothes on, that's not fair darlin'…"_

She raised her arms obediently, a sassy smile dimpling her cheeks, allowing me to lift the t-shirt over her head and throw it to the floor. I caressed her with my eyes, just for a moment, she really was perfect and I wanted to memorise every graceful sweep and curve. I captured her lips for another punishing kiss and felt her heartbeat thundering right along with mine. I heard a moan of longing and wasn't sure who it was. Her? Me? It no longer mattered.


	22. Chapter 22

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

Well I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, make the most of it, I ain't going through all that again!! For you non-Twilighters who are reading this - in the books Royce was Rosalie's fiance. He and his friends raped her and left her for dead that's why she was turned into a vamp. 

Copey me old mucker this one is dedicated to you from me with love xx

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Twenty Two: Good Morning Muffins_

_Alices's Point of View_

I stretched languidly feeling unfamiliar twinges in some of my muscles. Ouch. That was sore. I was sore. But I grinned to myself in spite of the dull aches as snippets of the night before started to seep deliciously through the morning fog that was clouding my brain. Wow! Just…wow. I turned over reaching for him, missing the warmth of his embrace, missing his touch but my fingers twisted into empty sheets. I flushed a little, they were still rumpled from our passionate love making. I leaned further into the pillow, I could smell his musky scent, faint but still there, no dream then, so why had I woken alone?

"_Jazz?"_

I called out quietly not knowing what time it was or whether any one else in the apartment was still sleeping, I tried again, a bit louder, still no answer. I began chewing on my nails, a nervous habit I'd developed as a kid, trying not to panic. Okay so I was in a stranger's room. No, not a stranger I argued with myself, Jasper. My Jasper. The niggling little voice persisted _you read about this sort of thing on the problem pages of magazines all the time. Girl gives herself to boy all hearts and flowers, boy does a runner. _No. This wasn't some random guy, this was Jasper but I couldn't prevent the shiver of unease that ran down my spine. I was here alone. _Alone _the voice in my head repeated _alone with nothing to wear, not a cent to your name. All. Alone. _I looked guiltily at our clothes strewn across the floor, _no _the voice whispered _not our clothes, his, all of them are his, you wore his stuff remember?_. I nodded dumbly, feeling tears clogging thickly at the back of my throat. God he might just as well have left me some money on the dresser it couldn't have made me feel any more like a whore than I did right then. I curled into the fetal position dragging the sheets and duvet with chilled fingers to cover my nakedness, a numbness spread through my limbs and I drifted, thinking nothing, feeling nothing until somehow I fell back to sleep.

I felt the glide of the cotton sheet moving downwards inch by inch and soft kisses warming my skin as it was exposed to the cool air, his gentle drawl whispered against my ear

"_Hey sunshine, you gonna open those beautiful eyes sometime today?"_

I didn't know whether I wanted to kiss him or kill him, maybe I'd over-reacted, okay there was no maybe about it but I'd felt deserted. I turned my face to him my bottom lip trembling, my voice husky with unshed tears,

"_Where were you Jazz? I woke up and you were gone. I thought…I thought…" _I couldn't give voice to those thoughts, they sounded ridiculous even to me especially with the irritating person in my head now telling me to _stop being so melodramatic_. I sat up quickly throwing my arms around his neck and burying my head there taking time to calm my irrational fears and to breath deeply of his essence, I didn't think I would ever tire of the way this man smelt. I could hear the amusement dancing in his voice,

"_Darlin' I went out to get some breakfast. Emmett and I we're guys we shop for food when the cupboards are bare and there's nothing but stale bread n cheese in the fridge - they were so empty I couldn't even rustle up that! And I thought you might have worked up an appetite last night…"_

I lifted my head and saw him raise his eyebrows suggestively his lips twitching as he desperately fought the urge to smile and I sighed, partly in relief and partly because I realised how silly I was being. As soon as he knew he was forgiven he gave me a heart stopping grin followed by a peal of laughter as my stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. He suddenly became serious though and spoke just above a whisper, concern etched over his face,

"_How are you feelin' baby girl? If you're a little…" _he paused searching for the right thing to say, not wanting to embarrass me _"uncomfortable it's perfectly normal, natural y'know?" _

He nipped my shoulder playfully and ran his tongue up the side of my neck before biting softly on my ear,

"_So are you? Are you okay?"_

I loved hearing the note of uncertainty in his voice knowing it meant he was concerned for me, he had been so gentle, so patient and attentive, giving without taking until we'd become one that I'd only felt the briefest spasm of pain. I shivered as he continued his subtle assault on my neck,

"_I'm fine Jasper or I would be if…"_

His head snapped up, eyes narrowed,

"_What is it Alice? Tell me what you need?"_

I tried to torment him, just a little but he looked so worried I couldn't do it and I relented with a giggle,

"_Food Jazz. You promised to feed me and I'm starving."_

He growled, actually growled at me before shoving me back to the bed and pinning me securely under him,

"_Tease me will you darlin'…"_

His bedroom echoed with my squeals of laughter as he began tickling me mercilessly stopping only when he pressed his lips to mine and we became lost together in the wonder of that kiss.

I sat on the bed propped up against the pillows, legs tucked demurely underneath me, wrapped in yet another fluffy towel. The aromatic smell of coffee wafted through the open door as Jasper practically bounced into the room with a plate of muffins. He flopped onto the edge of the bed and I could only stare, he was just…just so gorgeous. My heart skipped a beat. His blond hair seemed to be more curly, I guessed because it was still wet from the intimate shower we'd shared and _he_ looked good enough to eat, forget the damn muffins! All he had on was a pair of faded low-slung jeans with the top button undone and with rips across the knees. His chest and feet were bare and he was making no attempt to hide his scars, it was a very and I do mean _very_ sexy look!

He pushed the plate on top of the duvet where it wobbled precariously between us before tipping the muffins all over the cover, I quickly swiped the biggest one and began picking at the edges to pop into my mouth. I closed my eyes relishing the sweet taste, strawberry and white chocolate, fruit and candy what more could a girl ask for? I sucked delicately on one finger trying to get rid of the crumbs when I heard Jasper's muffled curse, surprised by his look of discomfort I asked,

"_Jazz are you alright?"_

He stared at the ceiling and slowly shook his head,

"_Good God woman are you trying to put me in an early grave? Please, please stop with the…"_

He gestured towards my hands still looking pained and I giggled again. He dived for me but I ducked easily under his arms and gave him a playful shove which sent him somersaulting backwards onto the floor. He landed effortlessly on the balls of his feet but then spoilt it by falling on his ass when he got tangled up in the clothes scattered all over the place, I laughed so hard my sides began to hurt. He straightened with as much dignity as he could muster grabbed a top from a half open drawer and marched back out to the kitchen to get the coffee.

I was eating my second muffin when there was a light tap on the door and I looked up into the violet eyes of Rosalie. She walked hesitantly into the bedroom, actually Rose didn't so much walk as glide with the regal grace of a swan, and sat down in the spot Jasper had just vacated. She cleared her throat nervously and I had to wonder, she didn't give me the impression of someone prone to being anxious,

"_Alice…erm…Jasper spoke to me this morning, I hope you don't mind? Anyway I got these for you. They should be…erm…fine."_

She handed me three bags and got up to leave. I must have seemed confused because she stopped and sighed,

"_Jasper said there'd been some trouble…erm…well…he said you needed some clothes and asked me if I could help out. He didn't know but I own a small boutique in Port Angeles. It's nothing major, my dad is some banking hot shot and my parents are pretty well off. They set me up with my own business when I graduated from college. So the stuff's nothing special just a few bits from samples we've had at the shop, luckily samples always come in small sizes!"_

I didn't know what to say, how to thank her properly and Jasper too, not only had he thought of all this but he'd asked Rosalie for her help. I was overwhelmed with gratitude,

"_Thank you, really, you'll have to let me know how much…"_She waved away the rest of my sentence with an imperious flick of her hand but her expression softened as she came and sat next to me, resting her fingers on my knee,

"_You don't owe me anything Alice. Like I said, they're samples. I didn't pay for them and I wouldn't have sold them. Look, I've been where you are now. When I was in college I was engaged…Royce was…Royce is not a nice person. I had people who were there for me when he…when things were bad. They helped me and now I'm helping you. Okay?"_

She didn't wait for me to answer and by the time I lifted my tear-filled eyes to thank her again she'd gone and the door had closed with a quiet click.

Jasper looked up from the couch as soon as he heard me come out of the bedroom, and let his gaze travel leisurely from my head to my toes. I felt my skin prickle with awareness. He took his time and when his eyes snapped to mine I could see that he was worried at what my reaction might be,

"_I don't know what to say to you and Rose Jazz this is…it's so thoughtful. Thank you."_

He patted the space next to him but I climbed onto his lap curling myself into the crook of his arm and resting my head on his chest. His fingers crept under the fabric of the fitted t-shirt I was wearing and he absently stroked my skin. We needed to talk and this was not going to be easy.


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, glad that you're enjoying it so far…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Three: Shopping_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I didn't sleep for long, I never did. It was as though my body knew what would happen if my unconscious mind was allowed too much free rein. When I woke I didn't move content to lay there watching her, to kiss away her fears when she whimpered or when her brow creased in worry. I knew I was smiling, a great big cheesy grin of happiness and I was happy, content and happy, comfortable and happy, sated and happy and more than a little smug and, oh yeah, happy. I had spent the night (early hours of the morning?) making love to and with the most beautiful woman I had ever met. And she was still here. In my bed. Sleeping.

I got up when I heard Emmett and Rosalie moving around and headed for a quick shower hoping to catch them before they left. I dragged an old pair of jeans out of the closet and hurriedly put them on not bothering with anything else and rushed out of the bedroom. Emmett and Rose were smooching in the kitchen,

"_Jeez Bear give a guy a break, your room's only over there go use it!"_

His laugh was loud and boisterous as he kissed Rosalie again whilst I made gagging noises and tried to get to the fridge for some juice. I pulled out an empty carton with a groan and threw it in the trash, there was no point having a go at Emmett about it, it could just have easily have been me who put it back. I looked at Rosalie trying to decide how the hell to start a conversation about women's clothes!_"Erm…so…you two up to anything today? Got any plans?"_

Emmett looked at me curiously,

"_Whassup cowboy, wanna double date?"_

Trust Emmett. Oh well I needed help and to get it I was just going to have to ask,

"_I need a bit of help actually, for Alice. Look this isn't easy, it's not really my place but, well she had some trouble last night. You saw that bruise on her face right?" _I watched them both nod before continuing "_One of the guys who runs the fair gave her that, she's not told me what happened yet she just asked me to get her out of there and I did. But she's got nothing to wear and I was hoping you might me able to give me an idea of her size Rose so I could…you know…buy her some stuff. Get her something to wear so she can be comfortable."_

I could see the look of apprehension on Emmett's face, saw his eyes flick to see if there were any scrapes on my knuckles and I knew exactly what he was thinking, he was worried about what I might have done. I gave a rueful smile and the smallest shake of my head letting him know that I hadn't got into a fight and he relaxed looking at Rose whilst she looked at me. Her brow was knitted in a frown as though she was considering whether or not to say something, I waited patiently, and she blew out a slow breath,

"_Oh for goodness sake, I'll do it! I'll go open up the shop now and grab her some stuff that the reps have left. Em I need the keys for the jeep."_

I laughed at the way Emmett was emphatically shaking his head a look of horror on his face, no matter how much he liked this girl there was no way but no way she was getting the keys to _his baby_.

"_Rose I couldn't ask you to…"_

She stopped me before I could finish what I was going to say,

"_It's fine Jasper. Honestly. I have my own little clothing place in Port Angeles, we get reps dropping clothes off all the time, I'll grab some bits and be back before you know it. Em. Keys."_

She clicked her fingers theatrically but she had no chance as Emmett bolted for the door yelling over his shoulder that they'd be back later and it was down to me to get food in. Shit! I hated food shopping.

I gingerly opened the door to my room not wanting to disturb Alice but I needn't have worried she was still dead to the world. I stood watching as the sun flickered across the bed linen and cast its rays over her elfin face. Her beauty took my breath away and I couldn't seem to stop myself from going to her. I brushed the gentlest of kisses against her hair before sighing regretfully and heading on out.

* * *

When I got back to the apartment Alice was still sleeping, her small body curled up in a tight ball. When I saw her pale skin and dark hair all I could think about was a little black and white kitten Maria had let me keep once after she'd…I remembered how skinny it had been, how timid before I'd poured all my love into caring for it and making it strong. I shook my head unsure quite where that had come from! I woke Alice as gently as I could with soft words and slow kisses and had to admit that I enjoyed the fact she'd been worried that I'd ducked out on her. I knew it was perverse but it's a guy thing, we're all about the ego. And besides I'd been distracted by thoughts of her all morning, concerned that she'd feel alright, that I hadn't hurt her, the little minx paid me back in spades on that one. I'd started tickling her then but what started as a game on the bed ended up as something far more serious in the shower!

* * *

Emmett and Rosalie made plenty of noise getting home, he was as subtle as ever, and I was happy to accept Rose's offer to give the clothes to Alice herself -I figured it could save a lot of potential awkwardness. When Rose came out of the bedroom a few minutes later she looked a little upset and I hoped she wasn't pissed that I'd ruined her day with Emmett with my need for an impromptu shopping trip. He grabbed her in a bone jarring hug,

"_We're outta here cowboy. I'm taking Rose down to the beach at La Push. I've got some of the camping gear in the jeep, we might stay a while, light a fire later, you know the drill."_

I nodded more than a little bemused. I certainly knew the drill from years ago when I would take my girlfriends to the beach and we'd huddle under blankets staring into the fire or up at the stars. We'd dream about the lives that were laid out before us, just waiting for us to embrace our future and sometimes we'd screw around. But Emmett _never_ took girls to the beach, the setting was too romantic apparently, gave them ideas that he didn't want them getting. He really must like Rosalie because this was the first time he'd ever broken one of his unspoken dating rules and I mean _ever_! I watched him bustling round the apartment grabbing supplies and stuffing them into a pristine (new?) rucksack keeping up a stream of inane chatter that Rose seemed to have no trouble following.

"_Be good cowboy and if you're no good by now, shame on you!"_

I gave him a one fingered salute as he pushed Rose out of the door ahead of him grinning all over his daft face. I wondered briefly if the poor girl knew what she was letting herself in for.

I forgot all about Emmett and Rosalie the second Alice stepped out of the bedroom, how could anyone make a pair of dark denim skinny jeans and a black top look _that _good? Now _I knew_ that whoever said the best things come in little packages hadn't been exaggerating, she was all my Christmases come at once and I wanted to unwrap her…slowly. Her hair was fluffed artfully around her porcelain fine features, her eyes swirled with emotion and her lips were plump, full and pouting after all the attention I'd been giving them! My eyes strayed lower to the sweep of her neck and shoulders remembering how she sighed when I kissed her there, lower still to the womanly curve of her breasts and hips. I felt myself growing hard and forced my eyes back to her face worried that whilst I'd been doing a pretty good impression of Merv the perv I'd missed what she was saying, I caught enough to understand she was thanking me for sorting out the clothes. I patted the cushion on the sofa but she snuggled that delectable little body down on my lap and I thought again of my kitten as I began stroking her back and she positively purred. I rested my cheek against her head content to sit like that for the rest of my life. I wasn't prepared, in the slightest, for what came next.

"_Jazz. Please don't get mad okay. But I need to go back."_

I didn't bother to act confused I knew exactly what she was talking about and try as I might I couldn't prevent my body from stiffening,

"_Please. Let me explain. Can you do that…for me? Let me explain?"_

I didn't say anything, I couldn't trust myself to speak but I willed myself to keep calm, keep calm, keep calm, waiting for her to continue,

"_I have to go back, surely you can see that? I can't risk the safety of my friends over this, Rene is just a child Jazz would you condemn her to a life without one or both of her parents? No you know you wouldn't and neither will I. I'll go back and I'll talk to James, see if we can't work something out. You were there, you saw what Laurent did and that was because he thought I'd cheated him out of a measly fifteen dollars. What do you think he'd do if I just walked out with no word. He'd come looking for me, they both would."_

I understood what she _thought_ she needed to do and why but there was no way in hell she was going back there, even if I had to lock her in the goddamn apartment for the next six months. No. Not happening. So not happening. I didn't believe what Alice did - that these assholes had anywhere near the 'reach' they gave the impression of having. Did I think her friends were in any danger? No. But she did and so we'd have to work this out together because one thing I was sure of, they wouldn't hesitate to hurt Alice and that wasn't fucking happening again, not on my watch!

She lifted her head from where it had been resting against my shoulder and kissed me sending all my thoughts haywire,

"_I __**am**__ going back Jasper. And before you say anything, I'm going alone. There are some things I won't jeopardize, you're one of them."_

She slipped off of my lap before I could stop her and ran to the bathroom, I heard the lock slide home and ground my teeth in frustration.


	24. Chapter 24

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

This is posted especially for Debbie B - Happy Birthday me darlin' hope it was a good one, love ya xx.

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Twenty Four: I'm Going With You_

_Alice's Point of View_

I escaped to the bathroom. Closing the door firmly I ignored the childish urge to slam it as hard as I possibly could contenting myself with sliding the lock home with a satisfying snap. I needed to be able to think this through. No distractions. Which roughly translated meant no Jasper weakening my resolve with well chosen words and persuasive kisses. I leant my back against the hard wood and slid slowly to the rug, crossing my legs and resting my head in my hands I massaged my temples. It came with no warning…

_Running. He is racing across the grass, pumping his arms for all he is worth, trying to reach me before they hurt me again. But he is so far away and so short of breath. He is panting, a hard knot forms in his chest but still he screams my name as loudly as he can. No one hears. He sees me fall to the ground and roll instinctively into a ball to protect myself and he forces himself to run faster. My arms move to cover my head. We both hear the sickening sound as boot connects to bone and he stops short, gasping. I tense waiting for the next blow and cautiously raise myself a little off the floor when nothing happens. They don't look at me now, they look to him. One of them raises an arm. There is a gun. I hear an explosion of sound. I am being violently sick, my stomach roiling and heaving, my world spins._

I whimpered in distress, I couldn't help it and jumped at the immediate sound of a fist thundering against the door,

"_Open the fucking door Alice or I swear to God I'll kick it down…I can hear you in there and you are not going through this on your own. Now open up!"_

He'd barely raised his voice but I had absolutely no doubt that he wasn't bluffing, that he would break the door down and he wouldn't think twice about it.

"_Give me a minute Jazz. I'm fine. Honestly. Just give me a minute okay?"_

I heard a muted thud and hoped he hadn't broken anything expensive.

"_I'll give you two darlin' and then that door gets opened one way or another."_

Great. Just great. Now Jasper was behaving like Neanderthal man and I was hiding out in the bathroom. The bathroom! What was I, five? Alright so thinking things through on my own was out obviously, so talk then. Talking was good. I could do talking.

I opened the door expecting Jasper to be right there and was momentarily confused when I couldn't see him, I looked round and my breath caught. He was sitting on the floor knees bent, elbows on his knees, his fingers thrusting in and out of his thick hair. His eyes, when he looked at me, were troubled. I didn't understand.

"_Jazz I'm so…"_

I didn't get to finish my apology as he leapt up and pressed me against the wall. He placed his hands, palms down, either side of me effectively trapping me in place and I watched as his haunted expression was replaced with one of desire. His lips crashed against mine. This was need pure and simple. The need to dominate, a battle of wills. He slid his tongue roughly over my bottom lip and I responded by biting his, not hard but enough that the resulting gasp opened his mouth under mine. As the kiss deepened so our lips softened and tongues teased, no longer duelling. His hands moved to stroke my jaw as he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine his voice desolate,

"_Alice I can't let you go back there. I promise you I'll die before I let them touch you again. I'll kill them first, I swear to you I will."_

He spoke with such quiet intensity that I knew it was no idle threat. I knew that this is what he had wanted to say last night at the fair. So much raw emotion. My avenging angel. I linked my fingers through his and pulled him back to the couch, he sat half reclining and nestled me between his legs, my back supported by his chest. He looped his arms loosely around my waist and I rested my hands lightly on top of them, fingers lovingly tracing his scars.

"_I have to go back. No. Shhhhhhhhh! I have to make sure that Edward and his family are safe. That you're safe. __**I**__ won't let __**you**__ risk your life for me. I have to go back because there are things that I need - my drivers licence and my passport, clothes, photos of Bella, her charm bracelet. I won't leave those things Jazz. But more importantly I have to go back because I don't want to be scared anymore and I don't want to be forever looking over my shoulder, jumping when a car backfires. You of all people should understand that."_

I let my final sentence hang in the air, heard him release a slow breath,

"_Jesus H Christ Alice they're things, things can be replaced…people can't. I've got more than enough money to buy you what you need, you can apply for a new driver's licence, we just say that it got stolen or lost."_

I lifted my head searching out his lips for a kiss, needing reassurance, wanting to reassure

"_What about Bella's pictures and her things, you can't buy those for me Jazz. I gave her that bracelet for her fifth birthday, it had a tiny wolf on it and she loved it so much. That's irreplaceable. What about Edward and Esme, Rene?"_

I had to find someway to convince him I could handle this, the vision had been a timely reminder of what would happen if I didn't go alone. I had spent years wondering 'what might have been' with Bella, tormenting myself by asking whether things could have been different if I'd been strong enough to control myself. I would never have the opportunity to make it right by her but I could avoid making the same mistake again, if that's what it had been.

"_I thought you understood this? I saw them kill my dad. They're killers Jasper. Killers."_

"_Yeah well so am I!"_

I knew he hadn't meant for me to hear those words but I did and silently I defended him to myself. He had never murdered in cold blood he'd been fighting a war, fighting for his survival. There was a difference, even if he couldn't see it I could. His voice was gruff then,

"_I know what they are darlin' why do you think I don't want you going back there? For fucks sake you got your lights punched out over fifteen lousy bucks and who the hell knows what might have happened if I hadn't been there…"_

I knew what would have happened, it was a case of 'been there, done that' Laurent might have pushed me about a bit more but that would have been the end of it, he'd made his point. Word would have travelled round the camp and no one would have stepped out of line for a while, that was how things worked. I didn't think it was wise to share that with Jasper though.

"_Jazz I'm not going to argue with you anymore. There are things I've got to do and I'm going back. __**I am**__."_

I prayed he'd let the matter drop,

"_Fine . Then I'm coming with you!"_

I bit my lip. Like hell he was. I'd just had a full colour re-run, the movie in my mind, and he had the starring role. There was no way he was getting near James and Laurent which presented me with one heck of a problem. How did I get there without him?


	25. Chapter 25

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Merry Christmas - Happy Holidays everyone, hope it's been fun. Sorry it's been a few days but I hope you'll forgive me…pretty please. Hahahaha anyway we're back to Jasper so here you go. Oh this chapter is especially for Kitty, Trickzi, Hairy Hoo and Daisy Mae with thanks for the help with the American-isms and more especially for the t-shirt. Kitty you rock!! **

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Five: Revelations_

_Jasper's Point of View_

Goddamn it all to hell! She was _so_ infuriating. I wanted to throttle her, kiss her senseless and lock her in Rapunzel's tower so no one would ever be able hurt her. She was right I _did_ understand why she needed to go back but that didn't make it any easier and I sure as hell wasn't going to let her go back there alone. I had an idea what that calculating little look on her face was all about, she was trying to figure out how to ditch me. I wondered whether she'd try and get Emmett to drive her and decided I'd have to have a word with him when he got home, just to cover all the bases. No way was I letting her out of my sight even if that did make me seem like some weird ass stalker. I meant what I said I'd fucking kill them if they tried to hurt her.

"_Alice what time should you be there tonight?"_

I dreaded her answer but if she was determined to do this then she'd better get used to having a living, breathing shadow,

"_It's Sunday Jazz. The Town Council won't allow the fair to run on a Sunday remember ? So I won't really be missed until tomorrow. I'm pretty much left to my own devices most of the time."_

I heaved a sigh of relief, my mood lightening considerably. Okay so we had a reprieve albeit a brief one. It was moving on to late afternoon, Alice had only eaten a couple of muffins all day and I was running on coffee. Time to lay on some ole Southern charm hopefully I wasn't too rusty,

"_D'you like Italian food darlin'?"_

She turned in my arms leaning her elbows on my midriff,

"_Are you offering to take me out to dinner Jazz?"_

Out? No my plans definitely didn't involve letting her luscious backside out of the door. Tonight she was mine. Only mine.

"_Erm no. Actually I was offering to make you dinner. I don't spend much time in the kitchen anymore, it's no fun cooking for someone who's only interest in food revolves around whether there are enough carbs and protein on the plate"._

I sobbed theatrically

"_But if you'd rather go out we can go to Port Angeles. I know a little place there 'La Bella Italia'…"_

She shook her head smiling broadly and something inside my chest did a silly flip flop,

"_I would love you to cook for me Jazz, thank you!"_

I laughed easily my crocodile tears disappearing as soon as she'd said yes.

"_Don't thank me yet darlin' you ain't tasted my cookin'!"_

She sat on one of the high kitchen stools as I cooked filling the space with her vitality, her radiance. She chattered virtually non-stop not because there was any real need to fill the silence between us but because she was eager to share things with me, her favourite colour, her favourite book, movie, places she'd always wanted to visit. Then she wanted to know about me, my likes, dislikes - what felt like a million questions fired at me so quickly that I'd barely answered one before she moved on to the next. I laughed quietly to myself and wondered if she ever paused for breath, she was so full of energy. I flipped the knife expertly over in my hand so that I was holding the blade against my palm the point aimed towards my stomach, her eyes grew wide as I used the wooden end to tilt her chin up towards me and then stretched over the counter to draw her into a lingering kiss. She was breathless when the kiss ended and I laughed,

"_It was the only way I could think of to shut you up!"_

Her eyebrows knitted together in consternation,

"_Jasper Whitlock you are going to live to regret that…"_

I couldn't help myself, I laughed even harder and I thought again of my little kitten. How when I'd found her she'd arched her back at me, spitting as though she was a five hundred pound tiger, her eyes glittering with anger - I couldn't help the comparison. Alice slipped off the stool and sidled closer her hands and lips eager, hell if this was her idea of making me regret my words then I was a happy man!

The meal didn't take long, I'd grabbed a few fresh ingredients when I'd gone to the store, it was a simple affair of pasta with a tomato and basil sauce and we ate in companionable silence. We didn't feel the need to make small talk, things between us were effortless, natural and I couldn't remember feeling this relaxed in what seemed like forever. Alice pushed her plate away,

"_That was great Jazz thank you but I can't eat another thing, I don't think I'll be able to move for a week as it is!"_

I smiled at her, ridiculously pleased by her easy compliment,

"_Happy to have been of service ma'am."_

I kissed her fingers and stood up to move her chair back, she giggled with childish delight when I proceeded to tuck her arm into the crook of mine and escort her to the living room settling her onto the couch again before I went to quickly clear away the dishes. The evening was drawing in and I drew the blinds against the coming darkness. I turned on the small table lamp as I moved passed,

"_Alice?"_

She looked up from the magazine she was browsing through, one of Emmett's and I silently thanked whoever was watching over me at the time that it was about cars and not porn! I flopped down next to her,

"_Can I ask you something darlin'?" _

She grinned and nodded as I yanked her unceremoniously into my lap. I felt calmer when I was able to touch her, have her near to me and breath in her delicate smell.

"_Last night you…you said something…"_

"_Jazz last night I said a lot of somethings, you kinda need to be a bit more specific!"_

Her gentle teasing made me smile but it didn't really ease the knot of tension that was growing in my chest.

"_When you touched my scars." _

I tried hard not to flinch when she immediately reached out to stroke them again causing a spark of desire to ignite despite my revulsion at my marked skin,

"_You said that you knew what 'they' did to me, what did you mean 'you knew'?"_

She turned my hands over so that she was studying my wrists, I watched her lovely face and felt my heart lurch painfully when I saw the tears begin to fall in silent rivers down cheeks now suffused with colour. Yeah way to go to ruin a half decent dinner Jazz! I tried to pull away so that I could comfort her but her strength surprised me and she tightened her grip refusing to let me go,

"_Were you so ready to leave this life Jasper? What could be so bad that you would willingly inflict that kind of pain onto those you love, who love you? Your sisters, Emmett…"_

"_You don't understand Alice…"_

She interrupted me gently

"_But I do Jazz, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I understand because I've been there too remember? Only I had nothing. No-one except the ideal of you. That's what gave me the strength to go on. But more than that I understand because some of those things that you experienced I experienced too. It's complicated but it's simple if you believe in me, if you can believe in what I see. When you re-lived those…things…that happened, I saw them through your nightmares when I had a vision. Of you."_

I closed my eyes against the misery in hers, I couldn't have just left things well enough alone could I? I just didn't know what to say. She had placed her life in my hands when I was nothing more than a concept, a mental image of someone she had never met. Who was this woman? For the second time in as many days the word 'coward' floated around inside my head. Undaunted by the hardships she had faced in her past Alice had had the courage to tell me her story. She had held nothing back. I understood that to be her way, forthright and honest, no matter what it cost her personally. But there were some things I knew that I could _never_ share, not with anyone and that had nothing to do with cowardice. She deserved to know the truth, or at least the part of it that I could bear to talk about,

"_To answer your question, no I wasn't ready. Not really. Not if I'm honest. I just wanted it all to stop and for the pain to end. I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes there was 'something' there and I would wake up screaming. So I tried drinking myself into oblivion. I thought if I passed out then I'd get some peace but all that happened was when I woke up yelling a couple of hours later it hurt my fucking head. Something snapped. I don't think it was even a conscious decision I just wanted to be free, I was so tired. I went to the kitchen and found a knife…"_

I was suddenly parched, my mouth dry with nerves yet I could feel the sweat trickling down my back and soaking my top. Our fingers were now interlaced, clasped tightly together, each drawing strength from the presence of the other. I had the courage to look into her eyes and the love I saw there blew me away,

"_I have dreams y'know? The dreams… they're always about me."_

I waited for her smile to reward my feeble attempt at humour but it never came,

she just squeezed my fingers tighter her eyes giving a glimpse of a heaventhat might yet be possible for me,

"_The worst ones are those from before. From when I was fighting. Sounds silly saying it out loud, that I was a…mercenary. Sounds almost like I was playing at being a soldier. Do you know what it means? 'A professional soldier hired for money or other reward to serve a foreign army'…That's not why I did it though. Christ I was so naïve. I got caught up in all this civil liberty stuff at college, really heavy shit and I think I just looked at it as a way of escaping. My sisters were grown up and safe and I think, in a way I needed the thrill, the danger. I'd lived so long in fear from…" _

I paused freeing a hand to reach up and touch the bite mark on my neck, a perfect set of even teeth and felt the familiar rush of disgust and humiliation at what she'd done to me. No. Not now. I refused to think about that evil bitch now,

"…_stuff, that this just felt like it was something I had to do. I was seventeen when I went away, seventeen. I was a fucking kid…"_

Oh this had been a bad idea, starting this conversation because I couldn't seem to stop the memories and any minute now she'd think I was a crazy person. Hah! Maybe not, maybe she would be the one person who wouldn't think that I was totally insane. Fuck! Suddenly it seemed I could do nothing but remember. All I see is the brightness, the brilliance of the white light in my cell, feel the oppressive atmosphere. God I'm scared shitless, immobilised by the fear of another beating as I sit naked on the filthy floor. Sit in my own filth. There is so much blood, surely it can't all be mine? Their voices are distinct and direct but I have no idea what they're saying these harsh, gravely sounding men. Questions. They're asking me questions but I don't understand their words. How can I answer when I don't understand? It's hopeless and I brace my body for the inevitable blows. Flesh hitting flesh. Then the screaming begins. It is me, my voice calling out, begging for mercy. And then it is not only me. There are others. More men in more cells suffering more abuse. Then I heard her calling me through the memories, her voice acting as my lifeline back,

"_Hey where did you go?"_

I placed my hand against her warm cheek, rubbing my thumb to trace her lips before she pressed them to my palm,

"_It doesn't matter darlin' because I 've realised something tonight. Maybe Emmett found me with that knife when he did because fate stepped in and decided that it wasn't my time. Maybe it was because we were always destined to find one another. I don't know. What I do know is this I've suddenly realised that I've been missing something, someone my whole life. You." _

She turned slightly in my arms nuzzling at my chest and I saw she was crying again, I whispered as tenderly as I knew how,

"_No more talkin' now darlin', no more tears. I love you."_


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**So this is another quite short chapter but if you're very good (and if I can concentrate for longer than ten minutes at a time tonight - blame the Baileys and the fact that I keep finding other stories on here to read!) I might just add chapter 27 as well. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, the story has had over 2500 hits and you can probably imagine I'm more than a little happy about that LOL. Enjoy…oh and can I just say that when I proof read this chapter Jasper's last line made me melt. I wanna man like that hahahahahaha!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Six: Love_

_Alice's Point of View_

I stirred halfway to waking when I heard giggling and muttered curses followed by a crash and more swearing. I shook my head to try and clear some of the grogginess and saw two shapes writhing around on the floor. I called out warily into the darkness,

"_Emmett?"_

More laughter and hushed voices,

"_Yeah it's me. Sorry Alice I didn't want to put the light on incase you and Jazz were playing with his instruments. Didn't want to break his rhythm, especially if he was strumming! Ouch Rose what was that for? I was only saying…ouch. Alright already. Anyway Rose and I kinda got caught up and we, erm, tripped."_

I squirmed with embarrassment but decided that, from what I already knew of Emmett, it was safer to maintain a dignified silence. He tried to hold back his guffaws but from the very inelegant and indignant snort that Rosalie gave his remarks I wasn't sure whether he was being completely honest about what had happened to them but again I thought it best to say nothing. Rose whispered 'goodnight' and went straight to Emmett's room, Emmett tiptoed over, squatting down next to the couch.

"_How long's he been sleeping for Alice?"_

He looked between Jasper and I curiously,

"_I dunno Emmett, I don't know what the time is. A couple of hours maybe. Why?"_

He didn't answer my question but continued to stare first at Jasper and then back at me.

"_Has he been drinking?"_

He frowned now, clearly not pleased about something and I tried not to smile. This was obviously Emmett in full on protect mode.

"_No. Neither of us have been drinking. Why?"_

He still wouldn't answer my question,

"_And he's been sleeping. Like this. For two hours?"_

I was a bit disconcerted at the way he was looking at me as though he were trying to see a hidden meaning behind my words. Did he think I was lying to him? He reached around me to lay his fingers against Jasper's forehead and then to his neck to check his pulse.

"_Emmett?"_

He grinned sheepishly,

"_Sorry Alice but damn I can't believe this. Jazz doesn't usually sleep for that long at a stretch unless he's been caught up in a, you know? A nightmare. Or if he's been drinking and I don't just mean a beer. He's never asleep this early it's only just after one."_

I caught the devilish gleam in his eyes as his face broke into a huge grin

"_Guess you musta worn him out gypsy girl."_

I had to laugh as I heard a gruff,

"_Fuck off bear!"_

come from behind my shoulder as Jasper buried his head sleepily into my back. Emmett pushed himself upright surprising me by brushing a kiss across my forehead as he went.

"_You guys might wanna put on some music coz Rose and I are gonna be making some of our own…soon!"_

Jasper and I groaned in unison as Emmett swaggered off to his room with a careless wave of his hand.

Jasper was curled around me, warm and fuzzy, my back pulled tightly against his chest and held there by one of his muscled arms. He rested his chin on my shoulder and I could feel his breath fanning my throat causing me to shiver slightly. I wriggled and he loosened his hold so that I could turn into his embrace and found myself staring into his eyes, they were slate grey the green almost completely overshadowed. Storm clouds.

"_Hey baby girl."_

He whispered softly raising my chin with his fingertips and kissing me gently,

I could feel his turmoil, the uncertainty in his caress. I placed my hand over his heart, it was hammering under my palm,

"_Jasper about what you said, I don't…"_

I paused as his jaw clenched and he ran his free hand through his unruly hair, he closed his eyes and when he opened them again they were flat and emotionless. He had clamped down tight on all his feelings but it couldn't disguise the rawness in his heavy Texas drawl,

"_Heat of the moment thing darlin' . Forget it."_

Heat of the moment! Forget it! Not a chance. I held his face steady in my hands forcing him to meet my level gaze,

"_Now you listen to me Jasper. I've waited half my life to hear you say that to me and if you think I'm letting you take it back now you are in for a whole heap of 'sorry but it ain't happening'."_

I gave him a few seconds to let the import of my words sink in and saw hope spring to life again in those gorgeous eyes,

"_But you didn't say…you…we…"_

I shook my head slightly in exasperation. Jeez. Men!

"_You didn't really give me a chance to say much Jazz on account of the fact that you kinda kissed me. A lot. Erm and then you jumped my bones."_

His dazzling smile was exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for and I carried on with my teasing,

"_And it's hardly my fault if you can't keep your eyes open long enough 'afterwards' to hold a conversation. I don't speak snore!"_

I clapped my hands over his mouth to try and stifle the noise he was making worried that we would disturb Emmett and Rosalie but I was relieved to see now that his eyes were dancing, alight with amusement. When his gales of laughter slowed I laid one of my hands directly over his heart just I had done moments ago and with the other I cupped his cheek, using my thumb to stroke his sexy dimple. I let all that I was feeling flow into the look I gave him,

"_Jazz for so long I was all alone in the dark, in a place where I was too scared to feel because of the things I saw, because of losing Bella. I lived my life but it wasn't real not in the ways that mattered. My world was ever changing, always moving too fast because of the things I saw, because of losing Bella. Then I found you. You where beneath me and above me, all encompassing and you protected me from the things I saw, from the pain of losing Bella. But more than that you made me whole again and I know that without you I am never truly complete. Jasper Whitlock I love you. Do you understand that? I love you."_

I think I melted when he winked, saluted me and mouthed

"_Yes ma'am."_


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Well hopefully this is reward enough for the short 'n' sweet last episode. Debbie B - forgive me…please? I couldn't end this any other way and you kind of knew it was coming from Alice's vision. I know you love Jasper, so do I but needs must…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Seven: Destruction_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I couldn't fucking believe it. How the hell had I slept for so long? I was an incredibly light sleeper and I only slept an hour or so at a time. I was always up by 6.00am at the latest. Always. Why hadn't I woken up? I always woke up dammit. Always. I was gonna kill Emmett. Rip him apart piece by piece by piece. Slowly. And I was going to enjoy doing it. I was going to kill him in his jeep, making as much mess over the interior as I could (blood was a bitch to get clean) keeping him alive long enough to endure the agony of seeing his 'baby' ruined. I was going to scratch the bodywork. Slash the tyres. Then I was going to do it all over again. Stupid. Dumb ass. Muscle-headed. Asshole. I turned and threw a punch at the wall only pulling back at the very last second, I didn't need a trip to the Emergency Room I needed to find Emmett and Alice though not necessarily in that order. I'd checked Emmett's room after I'd read Alice's note, a sick feeling of dread settling in the pit of my stomach. I knew before I kicked open the door that it would be empty. I guessed Rosalie'd had to get to work too.

_Jazz,_

_I asked Emmett not to disturb you as you were still sleeping. He's going to give me a ride to the fair on his way to work. Don't be mad. I'll be home soon and then we can talk._

_Love you._

How quaint, she'd left me a fucking love letter on the pillow. Even the fact she'd referred to the apartment as 'home' didn't alleviate any of the tension I was feeling. Tension now there was the understatement of the century. I snarled. She'd sneaked out on me and almost as bad, she had conned Emmett into taking her exactly where she wanted to go. Fuck! I knew I should have spoken with him when he got in last night. I was an idiot. Yeah it was my fault but I was still gonna kill him.

I hunted round for my jeans and found them neatly folded on the end of the bed! I didn't remember leaving them there last night! I know we'd been taking them off in a bit of a hurry and tossed them…I snatched them up and shoved my hands quickly into the pockets, searching each one carefully once and then again. Son of a bitch! She'd taken my phone. The scheming little… Oh that's it, I was going to kill her too, I was going to wring her damn neck for putting me through this. I sobered and tried to calm down. No I wasn't going to kill her but _they_ just might. Fear like I'd never known crawled its way along my skin hitting my nerve endings and paralysing me with indecision. Think Jasper. Think Goddamn it. I dragged my fingers harshly through my hair, clothes you moron, put some clothes on. I hastily pulled on my jeans and grabbed the t-shirt off of the floor by my foot, this wasn't a fashion parade I needed something to put on quickly and that was closest. Oh shit! As I pulled the top over my head I was assaulted by her smell. It was the t-shirt that I'd leant her to wear. I gritted my teeth, get on with it Jasper. Stop being such a pussy. I finished getting dressed as quickly as I could then ran to the phone. OK she had my cell but I could still use the home phone. I jerked the receiver out of the cradle and punched in Emmett's number,

"_Emmett thank fuck for that! Where are you? Where's Alice, is she still with you?"_

I waited impatiently for him to reply but realised with a sinking feeling that it wasn't Emmett it was his answering service. That meant one of three things, he was still driving, he was in the garage already working and so had lost reception or he'd turned the damn thing off. I was gonna kill him. He was a dead man. Again. I was running out of options and my mind was refusing to co-operate and function, all I could see were snapshots of Alice in my head, dead from a gunshot wound, dead from repeated stab wounds to her body, dead, dead, dead. I flew to the bathroom reaching it just in time to lose my dinner from last night. My stomach heaved until there was nothing left but tried a few times more, just for good measure and I leaned weakly against the tiles. Some fucking '_guardian angel' _I was, if I hadn't been so scared for her right then the whole situation would have been laughable. I stood up, a little unsteadily, and quickly brushed my teeth gulping some much needed air deep into my lungs and releasing it slowly. Okay. Phone. I re-dialled Emmett's cell but it kicked straight to the answering service again which definitely meant he was now at work and I wouldn't be able to contact him until he went to lunch. Goddamn place always cut out reception. I scrabbled around in one of the drawers in the kitchen until I found a business card with the number for a local taxi company on it and quickly called them. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to control my impatience with the woman on the end of the line as she asked me to repeat, for the third time, where it was I wanted to go. If ground my teeth in frustration, if she refused me a car I was going to reach down the phone and rip her heart out, then I was gonna… Needed to breathe. Needed to calm the fuck down. Really needed to pay attention to the sweet old dear on the other end of the line who was now giving me instructions on where I should be and when. I promised her that I would be in front of the apartment in ten minutes and no, I wouldn't keep the driver waiting and yes I hoped that she had a nice time this evening when she visited the fair. I dropped the phone back onto the cradle with deceptive gentleness, grabbed my wallet and keys and bolted for the door.

The cab pulled up to the kerb ten agonisingly long minutes later and I had the door open before the driver had even rolled to a full stop. Anything could be happening, she could already be…not going there Jasper. Not thinking that. I slammed the car door and winced before closing my eyes as I leaned my head onto the back of the seat I spoke grimly,

"_I need to get to Birkby's Fair as quickly as possible please."_

The driver cackled under his breath muttering about young people and always being in a hurry. I didn't have the energy or the inclination to deal with an old mans' prejudices or to listen while he did the "you don't know you're born" versus the "when I was young" speeches so I kept quiet besides it was taking everything I had to hold it together.

"_Hey kid! I'm talking to you. You okay ?"_

What could I say? Yeah! I'm fine thanks for asking. I'm just trying not to envisage how easy it would be to snap your scrawny neck and throw you out of this fucking car so that I can floor the accelerator and get to Alice faster. I clenched my fists, sat on my hands and tried to smile.

"_Yeah I'm fine. I just really need to get to the fair. I…"_

I tried to come up with an excuse that might make him drive faster but I had nothing, at least nothing that sounded remotely plausible. I pulled out my wallet wondering if this only ever really worked in the movies, oh well I figured it wouldn't hurt to try,

"_If I double the fare d'you think you could speed it up a bit?"_

His gaze met mine in the rear-view mirror and he gave me a toothless grin,

"_Double fare? Hell why didn't you say so kid?"_

His face was positively gleeful, I swear if he hadn't been driving he'd have been rubbing his hands together and jumping up and down like fucking Rumplestiltskin, and he hit the gas. I kept my eyes open now, trying to concentrate on the passing scenery rather than on the nauseating images that were still running rampant in my head. She was going to be alright. She was going to be fine. It was broad daylight, there would be plenty of people around, she'd be safe. But what if she wasn't alright? What if, already, she wasn't fine? All those people were employees of the fair and from what Alice had told me they all lived in fear of reprisals if they stepped out of line. Would they help her if she needed them or would they look the other way? Doctor Cullen had given me some perspective during my time in the hospital but he hadn't been able to take away my nightmares. The things I saw most nights, the horrors that kept me awake were nothing, _nothing_ to how I felt when I thought of something bad happening to Alice. I knew without a doubt that I wouldn't be able to hold onto my sanity if she was taken from me, I wouldn't want to. I also knew that I would go looking for my own death in the event of hers. I wasn't sensationalising, I had lived through hell twice and survived. I wasn't looking to do it again. Something about me had been profoundly changed when I found Alice and it wasn't in my nature to be able to change it back. I understood that. And it would be a fitting end because ultimately I would be the one responsible…

I swore, this was ridiculous. Why couldn't I slip into the frame of mind that would help me, that would help her? For Christ's sake there were times when I had to fight to keep the 'psycho killer' persona from smashing some poor guy in the street because he looked at me the wrong way and now, when I really needed him, he'd deserted me.

"_I said we're here!"_

I focused on the driver and realised that we were stopped outside of the gates of Linkin Park already. He really _had_ put the hammer down. I thanked him and doubled the cash I handed over just as I'd promised, he stuffed the money quickly into his pants and asked if I needed him to hang around. I thought about it but decided that the fewer witnesses around the better this had the potential to turn really ugly and besides I didn't think he'd want blood smeared all over his nice car. He waved cheerily out of the open window as he drove away.

I turned slowly in a circle trying to orientate myself and get a sense for the place, it looked very different in the daylight without all the flashing lights and heavy bass blaring out of sound systems. It had a deserted, almost ghostly feel to it. I could hear a radio playing somewhere not too far away and raised voices. An argument. I looked at the wire fencing, there was no security like there had been last night but it looked locked up pretty tight. I glanced at the posts and figured they should hold my weight…hopefully! I took a running leap at the gate and scaled it easily, landing lightly on my feet the other side. Piece of cake. I looked around and saw that the fair was surrounded on all sides by the park, some of it quite heavily wooded in places, I'd forgotten about that and I moved into the line of trees nearest to where I was standing. My heart was starting to pound as the adrenalin flooded my system prepping my body for whatever might me coming in the next few minutes. I listened carefully and could just about make out at least two voices, one of them was definitely female. Alice? I gauged roughly the direction they were in and took of at a sprint but as I came out onto a rough gravel path I saw a man and a woman shouting at one another in front of a trailer. She was beautiful, copper coloured skin and long black hair that swung loose at her waist her eyes blazing with anger as she continued to shout,

"_Paul look I know I don't really know her but this isn't right. We should do something. They might hurt her."_

The guy shrugged his shoulders leaving them slumped, his face was pained but I already knew the woman had made no impression on him.

"_It's none of our business Leah, leave it be. Alice can take care of herself."_

Alice!

"_Excuse me. Excuse me ma'am,"_

I waited until she turned towards me, confusion evident in her expression,

"_I'm looking for my cousin Alice. She wrote to me saying she was coming into Forks with the fair and I've only just arrived from out of state. I couldn't wait 'til tonight to see her, could you tell me where I could find her please?"_

I hoped I sounded convincing because I didn't know what I would do if this woman refused to help me. She stared at me hard before nodding slowly and indicated I should walk back along the path I'd just come . She whispered feverishly,

"_Look Alice is in a bit of trouble. There's been a discrepancy over her takings and the owners wanted a word with her. They've gone off for some privacy but…"_

She hesitated clearly unsure how much she should tell me, how much it would be wise to share. It was odd, how some people seemed to know intuitively that I was dangerous, it was nearly always women although the odd man picked it up as well and I think this lovely lady felt it. That indefinable 'something' that said I was different. It was there in the way her eyes kept sliding away from mine and the fact that she wouldn't walk too close but then again it could have been the scars that highlighted my skin. You could never tell. I tried my best to be non-threatening,

"_Oh surely they wouldn't mind? I know Alice and if there's a problem then I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding. She's one of the most honest people I know."_

She sighed and I knew I had her,

"_They went off down that path it was a while ago now, I don't know where exactly. They just said they were going for a walk for some…"_

She trailed off into silence and I finished the sentence for her, unable to stop myself saying sarcastically,

"_Privacy. Yeah right."_

I didn't bother to thank her I just turned in the direction she indicated and bolted. God alone knows how long ago they'd gone or how far they might have gotten, over and over like a litany in my head I repeated the same three phrases,

"_I'm comin' darlin'. It's gonna be alright. I'm here. I'm comin' darlin'. It's gonna be alright. I'm here."_

Then I heard a sound that made my blood run, a woman's scream loud and filled with pain. My hand whipped up to my mouth as my stomach rebelled but I didn't stop, where I'd been sick earlier there was nothing left in me and I picked up my pace running even faster. I started to gasp, finding it more and more difficult to breathe as the burn hit my muscles and cramped my chest. I had been working out with Emmett but I was still out of condition, I ordered myself not to think about it, just keep going. Then I saw her up ahead and those two bastards were both there, pushing and shoving at her. I was going to kill them. I screamed her name and there it was, that cold, relentless machine had finally come to overtake me. At last. My brain no longer processed information in the same way, sights and smells became more prominent, other things faded into the background whilst Alice sprang into focus. Her image sharp and precise in my vision. I watched horrified as she fell to the ground and one of them drew his foot back and kicked her. The sickening sound as that boot connected with her bones brought me up short, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't force my lungs to accept the air they needed because I wasn't detached, not when it came to her. That brief moment of icy control had been an illusion. But I already knew that I didn't need it, my combat training was deeply ingrained and totally instinctive, I could kill them in my sleep. I loved her more than my own life and all they were doing was making it more personal, making it easier for me to be able to do what needed to be done without the aid of my 'alter ego'. I realised my yell had drawn their attention and saw one of them was pointing what bore a very strong resemblance to a gun in my direction. I saw Alice raise herself gingerly up off the grass and I smiled trying to express all the love I felt for her in that one small look, to tell her that I would watch over her always, forever her angel no matter what. I heard an explosion of sound and felt the force of the bullet, an incredible, shocking impact, send me reeling. As it tore through my clothing and into my body the burning pain was like a jack-hammer hitting me and as my legs collapsed underneath me I felt myself falling. So fragile the human body. So easy to destroy.

Everything went black


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I hope that you're all still with me after the last chapter and truly, I am sorry, especially as I know at least two of you loved Jazz as much as I did but let's see what you think of this chapter. Christine I'm sorry I made you wait but it's all about the cliff hanger LOL. If you get the chance to review, please do and thank you for all of you who are letting me know what you think. I'm becoming a review whore hahahahahaha! **

**So now it's Alice's turn…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Eight: And So Life Took It All_

_Alice's Point of View_

I listened carefully sure that I could hear movement outside of the bedroom and I took a deep breath, if I was going to do this I needed to do it now before Jasper woke up or I totally lost my nerve. I looked at his sleeping form and reached out to gently move a lock of errant hair that had drifted over his forehead but stopped myself before I could touch him, I'd be lost if he opened his eyes. His warm hand rested protectively on my hip and tightened in his sleep as I tried to slip away. I waited a few seconds before I tried again, this time he scooted closer mumbling incoherently and curled his arm possessively around my middle. Great. Just great. Now or never Alice, you've got to do this. As slowly and deliberately as I could I lifted Jasper's arm from me and eased my way to the edge of the bed, I twisted under his arm then and quickly stuffed a pillow in the spot where I'd been laying. Jasper pulled out of my grasp and snuggled up to the pillow. I padded round the bedroom gathering up the bags with the other few items of clothing Rosalie had left me and crept into the bathroom. I turned the taps on as slowly as I could to minimise the noise before having a hasty wash. I smiled at the pink toothbrush on the side, Jasper had even thought to pick up a spare toothbrush when he brought the groceries yesterday. I ran my fingers through my hair trying to detangle the knots as best I could but my hair had a tendency to do its own thing in the morning, it was as good as I was going to get it. I dressed quickly in the same jeans as yesterday but pulled on a clean and very bright yellow t-shirt, well no one would miss me coming in that! I dug around in the bags and had to choke back tears, Rosalie had even thrown in a pair of plain black ballet pumps. I would get her back for this one day, I didn't know how yet but I'd repay her for the kindness she'd shown me, a complete stranger.

When I left the bathroom I saw that Jasper was starting to thrash around in his sleep. Shit! A nightmare. I winced as he moaned but nothing was more important than seeing him through this, I ran to the bed and lowered myself back down next to him, then like I'd watched Emmett do I spoke to him in low, restful tones,

"_It's okay Jasper, I'm here. You're safe. I promise you, you're safe. Come on back to me Jasper, I'm here. It's alright."_

Suddenly his hand shot out and grabbed mine and he spoke but it didn't sound like him at all, this was a voice from another time and place one that was hoarse from screaming and from pain,

"_Please there are others here. You have to find the others."_

He was still caught up in his dream, not even aware that he was clinging on to me like I was his lifeline, his saviour. I brushed my fingers across his forehead and down his cheek feeling the slickness of his sweat,

"_You're safe now baby, we've got you. You're home. Emmett's here with Rose and I'm here. Don't worry Jasper, everyone's here. You're home…safe."_

His crushing grip slowly eased and he whispered one word, my name, before sighing peacefully. I felt a solitary tear slip unbidden down my face.

I left the door slightly ajar, I wanted to leave Jasper a note to tell him that I would be back that's if Emmett would take me to the fair anyway. I cleared my throat to announce my presence as the man in question was singing, badly, in the kitchen fixing himself some juice. He greeted me with a broad grin that showed off his dimples, jeez what was it with these guys and their cute dimples?

"_See something you like gypsy girl?"_

I shook my head in mock disapproval, I got the distinct impression that Emmett was an incorrigible flirt and a merciless tease and that was just fine. I didn't embarrass easily and the harmless flirting could work to my advantage.

"_Yeah" _I replied making him pause what he was doing with a look of shock _"the juice looks great!"_

He saluted me with a glass of fresh orange,

"_Ouch that's harsh but I guess I kinda asked for it."_

"_Yep I guess you kinda did!"_

He kept flicking his gaze between me and the bedroom door obviously speculating on what exactly I was doing out here, this was my chance.

"_Jasper's still sleeping and I needed to ask you a favour, a big one. I need a ride back to the fair so that I can sort some stuff out, would you be able to drop me off?"_

Emmett checked his watch and shrugged,

"_Let me just go chase up Rose, I gotta drop her off to pick up her car first. Still there's no point in being the boss if you can't roll up late once in a while is there? Be ready to leave in five 'kay?"_

I nodded and tried not to hide my relief.

"_Hey Emmett have you got a pen and a piece of paper, I just wanted to write a note for Jasper so he doesn't think that I've run out on him or something…"_

He laughed but pulled open a drawer full of junk,

"_Knock yourself out, if you can ever find a pen in there that works it'll be a miracle."_

I managed to find a piece of paper easily enough but Emmett had _not_ been kidding about the pens in the end I found a much chewed pencil and scribbled quickly with that. I kept it brief and to the point, I knew that no matter what I said he was going to madder than hell. I put the letter on the pillow where Jasper would see it when he woke up and turned to leave but first I needed his cell. I had absolutely no doubt that the second he read the note he'd be on the phone to Emmett so I felt around in his jeans until I found it then switched it off and put it in my pocket. I folded his jeans and placed them carefully on the end of the bed and then went to wait for Emmett. This time I closed the bedroom door.

"_He still asleep?"_

When I nodded Emmett just chuckled,

"_Well wonders will never cease. So are you two lovely ladies ready for the ride of your life?"_

I knew there was a double meaning behind his words but I left it to Rosalie to deal with, I was already starting to worry about what might happen when I got to the fair and I wasn't even in the jeep yet. Emmett and Rose kept up a constant stream of bickering and sexual innuendo all the way to the parking garage and on the journey to collect her car. It just goes to show how preoccupied I was because I didn't even do a double take when I saw her 'car' - a purple TVR Tuscan S - those babies are sex on wheels from the very first time you turn on the engine and hear that low, feral snarl. Normally I would have been drooling all over the lightweight composite bodywork and begging to be allowed to slide into the plush leather interior but I just turned and stared out of the opposite window, allowing them some privacy to say goodbye.

I started in surprise when Emmett banged the door shut, I hadn't even heard him get in. He blew kisses at Rosalie before revving the jeep and pulling away,

"_Okay you got me taking you back so now spill…"_

I looked at him playing dumb and he rolled his eyes,

"_Oh please! I might look like a meathead but trust me sweetheart when I tell you that I'm anything but. Now you either fill me in on what the hell is going on or I turn this baby around and take you straight back to the apartment."_

I tried calling his bluff

"_But you'll be late for work, you'll be in trouble."_

He looked at me like I was mad,

"_Ahem boss man remember?"_

I glanced his way in surprise, when he'd mentioned it earlier I'd assumed he had been talking about Rosalie, apparently not. There was obviously much more to this giant of a man than met the eye. Shit. I wondered how much trouble I was in and decided to be honest…up to a point.

"_What I told you was the truth Emmett I need to go back. I can't just up and leave, I have things there that I need to collect - clothes, personal possessions - alright it might not be much but it is mine. I have friends I want to say goodbye to as well, I don't want them panicking by just not showing up."_

He seemed to be considering my answer,

"_I'll buy that but then why not wait for Jazz to go with you. I don't think he's gonna be happy about this and whilst I'm prepared to take the flack, are you?"_

This was where I needed to lie a bit and I crossed my fingers hoping he wouldn't see straight through me and call me on it,

"_You know him far better than me and if you say he won't be happy about it then I'm sure your right but Emmett…you didn't see him on Saturday night. I thought he was going to swing for Laurent. Look I got a little slap alright. Shit happens. Laurent lost his temper over some money he thought was missing and he lashed out, if James hadn't come along to calm things down I think Jasper would have retaliated and then some! I don't want to see him arrested for punching out someone like Laurent, he's not worth it. I've been with them for a long time Emmett, I can handle myself …"_

His knuckles had turned white on the steering wheel and I could see the muscles working in his jaw as he ground his teeth together,

"_You don't fucking hit a woman. Not even a Goddamn slap. Fuck it Alice that's it, I'm coming with you. I understand what you mean about Jasper and you don't know how right you are, Saturday night could have gone badly, very badly if he'd lost it but I'd have done the same thing if it was Rose. Shit I'd have done the same thing if it was you . He was right and you don't fucking hit a woman not ever."_

Oh for God's sake what was with the heroics? Was I really that pathetic that I looked like a damsel in distress that needed a knight of old to ride up on his gallant steed and rescue me from the fire breathing dragon?

"_No Emmett. I can handle this on my own. I mean it and don't look at me like that it's not very flattering. Despite what Laurent thinks I've done nothing wrong and he'll have calmed down about the whole thing by now, I expect we'll even laugh about it…"_

I stopped myself before I could make any more ridiculous claims that he wouldn't believe for a second and he banged his fist on the dashboard making me jump,

"_How can I say this so you'll understand Alice? Let me try again. You. Don't. Hit. A. Woman. EVER!!!!"_

Yeah but it was okay to shout at one loud enough that you made her ears bleed! This was so not going as I'd planned.

"_No Emmett men like __**you**__ don't and men like Jasper don't. Unfortunately there are some assholes out there that do. I'm not defending him and I'm not saying he was right. It was me on the end of the slap remember? But I have to do this, for me. On my own. Look I won't be long, I'll even call you to come and get me so you can see that I'm alright for yourself if that makes you feel any better?"_

Emmett hit the indicator and pulled of the road,

"_Emmett what the…"_

He turned in his seat and gently caught my chin turning my head slightly so that he could see the bruise on my cheek, it looked worse than yesterday, the colours staining my face like a badly mixed artists palette of greens, greys and blues, it was not helped by the natural paleness of my skin,

"_That Alice…is more than just a slap."_

"_No Emmett it's not I just mark easily. Now can we drop this and go please?"_

He stared at me, holding my gaze with his own for what seemed like an eternity and then with a final look at the bruise he dropped his hand and restarted the jeep.

"_Fine. But don't expect me to like it. And the second you call me to come get you and Alice…I will be coming to get you, I'm phoning Jasper and you can explain this shit to him. You can also explain to him how you managed to twist me around your little finger. Fuck and I thought Rose was good. She's got nothing on you gypsy girl."_

"_Thank you Emmett."_

"_You can thank me later by not letting him kill me when he finds out what I've done!"_

I think that he was only half joking.

"_Shit you haven't got my number, how will you contact me?"_

"_Emmett if I tell you something you won't be angry will you?"_

He sighed and rolled his eyes at me, again, this was obviously another Emmett trait,

"_That really kinda depends Alice why don't you just say what you've got to say and we'll see."_

"_Well I kind of, erm, borrowed Jasper's cell phone and I'm, erm, kind of guessing that your number will be on it…"_

"_You stole Jazz's cell?"_

"_No. I borrowed it."_

"_Okay you 'borrowed' his cell. Why?"_

Shit now he had me. I couldn't even think of a half convincing lie so I just shrugged and said nonchalantly,

"_Incase I needed it I guess."_

I could hear his words positively dripping with sarcasm,

"_Yeah right. Of course."_

"_Emmett?"_

"_What now Alice?"_

"_You can pull in here. If you go to the car park the gates there will be locked and there's no one manning them at this time of day. I'll cut through the trees here and I can get into the enclosure where all the trailers are."_

He looked at me with a mild accusation in his eyes as he pulled over but left the engine idling this time,

"_You'd better not be fucking with me gypsy girl, you know trying to leave a false trail and shit!"_

I tried really hard to keep all signs of amusement out of my voice,

"_No Emmett what I just told you is the truth. I swear. And Emmett? Thank you for this."_

I surprised both of us by leaning over and kissing him swiftly on the cheek before jumping down daintily from the jeep.

"_Ring me Alice. I fucking mean it."_

He bared his teeth at me and I didn't argue. He really did fucking mean it!

I waited for him to pull away before I started to cut in the trees, it wouldn't take me very long and I had been honest with him, this was the only way to get to my trailer. As I walked I tried to imagine talking to James and Laurent, tried desperately to think of what to say and then wondered if it was really worth it. I already knew what was going to happen. I was destined to end up in a field nearby with a boot being delivered to my ribs. Oh God I was scared and I felt sick. Could I walk into this with my eyes wide open knowing what I did? Yes because I didn't really have a choice. I was making my break for freedom and would pay the price for it, so long as it wasn't Jasper's life I would pay it. My whole body was shaking with fear but I was strong, I could do this.

I heard the sound of a radio playing before I spotted Leah, she was trying to persuade her husband Paul to dance but he patted her behind and good naturedly pushed her away. She flicked him with a wet piece of laundry she was just getting ready to hang out and that's when they looked up and saw me. I raised my hand in greeting,

"_Hey guys! Good weekend!"_

Leah looked surreptitiously around before hissing at me,

"_Alice you gotta get out of here they're…"_

I watched her eyes widen as both James and Laurent strolled casually in our direction but I could see the restraining hand that James placed on Laurent's arm.

"_Alice! We've been worried about you. You disappeared on Saturday night and no one's heard from you since. We were just about to call the police, we thought something had happened to you…"_

James' voice was heavy with malevolence and I could feel the cold hand of fear gripping my bones,

"_Now I know there was a discrepancy with your takings but what's fifteen dollars between friends eh? I'm sure that it will be fine once we've discussed it. In. Private. Come on, let's take a walk._

I couldn't move, for the life of me I could _not_ make myself take one step towards them. Laurent apparently got fed up waiting and made a grab for my arm his fingers biting hard into the soft flesh. I saw Leah start forward but Paul caught her hand and tugged her back to his side giving her a silent warning with a single shake of his head. And then Laurent jerked me abruptly behind him and I followed liked a whipped dog, cow-tailed and whimpering but unable to do anything to defend myself whilst my masters held my collar and leash.

We seemed to walk forever. No one spoke. All I could hear was my own petrified breathing coming too fast and too loud in my ears because I recognised where we were and I knew that any second now I was going to be pulled to a stop. This was it. The enormity of the situation hit me like a ten tonne weight of bricks and I doubled over, gasping, I just kept telling myself to hang on to one thought - Jasper wasn't here, I could get through this and then go home to Jasper. He was safe so _I could get through this_. I pulled myself upright and straightened my shoulders. I. Could. Get. Through. This.

"_I'm sorry about what happened Laurent but it was a genuine misunderstanding. I'll get you the money from my trailer now or you can deduct if from my wages, I'll happily go along with whatever you prefer."_

Laurent looked at me as though I had grown two heads and even the normally impassive James stared at me with such a look of shock that I giggled. Big, big mistake! It was a nervous reaction but it would've been better if I'd stuck with my beaten dog impression and just peed myself! Anything rather than laugh. The blow to my stomach was so quick and hard that I screamed in agony my eyes blurring with tears and I heard my blood rushing in my ears. Oh dear God it hurt. Laurent hooked his fingers into my hair and yanked on it until I screamed again but I did what he wanted, I stood up straight. That's when I saw him. NO! He couldn't be here. But my vision and reality blurred into one solid image and he was running. Racing across the grass, pumping his arms for all he was worth, trying to reach me before they hurt me again. But he was too far away and so short of breath. I could see him panting as he tried to scream my name. When they pushed me to the ground I curled instinctively into a ball to try and protect myself, wrapping my arms over my head just as I had seen I would do and I tensed waiting for that sickening sound of a boot striking my rib bones. I bit down on my lip so that I didn't make any loud sound and blood quickly filled my mouth as my teeth cut through skin. I knew that he was coming for me and I prayed that if he didn't think I was too badly hurt we could still escape what I had seen. Would I never learn? I looked up because that's what came next and I saw James raising his arm. I screamed and screamed but I'm not even sure any sound came out as Jasper stared at me, willing me to understand the look of love in his eyes and I did, I did understand it. Then I heard the impossibly loud crack as the gun went off once, twice and then a third time and I saw him fall. For a moment everything slowed down. I took one breath and then another, all noise had ceased, all movement had stopped and the world was calm. Then my perception shifted again and my mind caught up with what had just happened and I was violently sick, everything around me span wildly and whilst my stomach was still roiling and heaving I collapsed.

Everything went black.


	29. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Alright well for those of you who need your tissues, go get 'em now because with Jasper gone Emmett is going to take up the story and ladies, it ain't gonna be pretty!**

**I hope you're going to stick with me now, Alice and Em need you as do I… Oh and just to clarify the M Rating there's a bit of swearing in this chapter again. Boys will be boys and all that!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Twenty Nine: I'm A Dead Man_

_Emmett's Point of View_

I sat in my _baby_ letting the engine idle, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel consumed with indecision. So not me! I knew most people viewed me as a dumb jock and it was an image I didn't do much to dispel but really I was actually a smart guy. Seriously. I wasn't stupid or slow or indecisive. That was half of my problem, usually I was too quick - with words, with actions, with my fists. I didn't do it to be malicious or uncaring, well the punching I did but that was besides the point, I just didn't see any reason to fuck around. If I liked something why couldn't I simply say so. Same for when something pissed me off, what was the point of pussyfooting around the issue? And yet here I was, sitting like a bitch, actually thinking about the possible consequences of taking Alice to the fair and the more I pondered the more I felt that it was a really bad idea. Man…Jasper was going to kill me. I stared out of the window absently popping my knuckles and saw my secretary walking briskly towards me towing her boyfriend, my chief mechanic Ben, in her wake. I sighed heavily and rolled the window down. Fuck it.

"_Angela? Hey Ange get that cute little butt over here."_

She gave me a look of exasperation that didn't phase me in the slightest, what could I say, I loved women (although really I should point out that I actually only love _'loved' _Rose now) and I loved flirting, my day wasn't complete until I'd done both! As she got nearer the window I threw Angela the garage keys that I'd dug out of my jacket,

"_Open up for me gorgeous, I have to be somewhere. Ben hold the fort 'til I get back. Oh there's a BMW Series 1 Coupe coming in this morning, do NOT touch it, that baby's mine. Other than that you guys knock yourselves out. Any questions? Good."_

I didn't wait for an answer and cringed as I literally burnt rubber leaving the forecourt. I should call Jasper. No I shouldn't. Alice had been right, he'd go charging off looking for payback for what had happened on Saturday, not that I blamed him, but he didn't need that kind of trouble. I shouldn't have let her talk me into leaving her there alone. Have I mentioned that Jasper was going to kill me? I toyed with the idea of ringing the police but decided against it after all what could I tell them that didn't sound seriously nuts?I went with pushing my foot on the accelerator even harder instead. Screw the speed limits, not that I took too much notice of them at the best of times, but this was an emergency.

Shit! I couldn't remember where I'd dropped Alice off, the stretch of road bordered by towering trees and overgrown grass looked all the fucking same. I wrenched the steering wheel hard to the right and screeched my _baby_ to a halt thanking God that there were no other drivers about.

"_I'm sorry baby, I'll make it up to you. Deluxe service and valet okay?"_

Yeah, I was talking to the jeep and your point would be??? I had to make a choice. Did I go blundering about in the woods in the hopes of stumbling across the fair's encampment or did I drive to the front gate and knock…Emmett style. I laughed loudly feeling a familiar buzz tingle in my blood, there was no contest, Emmett style it was!

I pulled slowly into the temporary parking lot looking around me in disbelief, there were cop cars everywhere. Blue lights were flashing, doors were open and there was a kind of quiet intensity to the whole scene as several officers stood around - some talking into their radios, some not. I opened the door of the jeep and went to step down as a burly officer started hurrying towards me flapping his arms around like he was speaking using Morse Code. I slammed the door and set the alarm, police or no police I wasn't taking any risks with my _baby_,

"_Sorry son but the fair is closed for today, there's been a serious incident. Get back in your automobile and go home."_

I couldn't have moved even if I'd wanted to, the second the words 'serious incident' left his lips my feet had set down roots into the grass and turned to stone. I felt the colour drain from my face and I swayed, yeah I actually fucking swayed back against the hood.

"_Fuck!"_

"_Watch your language kid! Hey! You okay?"_

I shook my head and tried to kick my brain back into gear so that it would form the words needed to make a coherent sentence come out of my suddenly parched mouth. My constricted throat felt swollen and sore. I licked my lips and forced myself to make eye contact, my voice when it came was a cracked whisper,

"_Officer…my…sir…my…friends are…friends are… What…please…shit…what's happened?"_

A beefy hand rested heavily on my shoulder, it was an added weight that I could definitely do without at the moment, I was having enough trouble keeping myself upright,

"_You from the fair or you a townie?"_

Even in my slightly weakened state (alright so this was more than _'slightly' _weakened but gimme a break, I'm supposed to be one of the tough guys remember?) I bristled at that,

"_I'm from town. Do I seriously look like I work there?"_

I jerked my head in the direction of the fencing with a disgusted curl to my lip. Ahhh that was more like it, a little bit of the old Emmett McCarty fighting spirit! I sagged again all too quickly when he replied in clipped tones,

"_Then you need to tell me what your friends look like, right now."_

That bad feeling that I'd gotten when he'd first mentioned the word 'incident' came crashing back over me like I was being hit by a tidal wave and pulled down, caught in the undertow unable to breath. I already knew this was about Jasper. Sometimes you just know things. Instinctively. This was one of those times. I fought the urge to hurl. I wanted to swear. I needed to hit something.

"_Look how about you come on over here, have a seat in the car and start by telling me your name."_

I looked at him stupidly as I tried to draw air in through my clenched teeth, still fighting the compulsion to throw up all over his shiny black boots.

"_No! You need to tell me…"_

He silenced me with one look. I'd had my share of run ins with the cops when I was younger and I knew when I was pushing my luck and I was pissing this guy off. I rubbed a hand over my face. I was a successful businessman, I could do tact and diplomacy…sometimes,

"_I'm sorry officer but you've got me worried. My friends…"_

I left the sentence hanging, hoping he'd fill in the blanks for me. Nope. Great. When he gestured towards to police car I lifted my heavy feet and forced myself to place them one in front of the other to walk where he indicated. I threw myself into the front seat and hung my head in my hands noting that they were shaking. Someone thrust a Styrofoam cup at me and I accepted it gratefully, swigging the scalding liquid hoping to bring some warmth to my limbs. I shuddered. God I hated the fucking taste of coffee.

"_Alright son. The ambulance is on it's way and before it gets here I need you to give me that description of your friend."_

I balked. Did he say ambulance? Fuck this was bad. What had Jasper done?

"_Two of my friends came here. They're a…"_

I stumbled not sure exactly what was the right thing to say. Go with your instincts Emmett, go with what your gut's telling you,

"_They're a couple. Jasper Whitlock and Alice. Erm I dunno her last name. Jasper is about six foot, blondish wavy hair, athletic build, he'd have been wearing jeans I guess. Alice is about five foot two maybe a little shorter. She's tiny really. Look you gotta tell me is she OK?"_

If anything had happened to her Jasper would never forgive me, hell I'd never forgive me. He ignored my question,

"_Your friend, this Jasper Whitlock, does he have scars?"_

I swallowed audibly

"_Yeah. Lots of 'em."_

Something in the tone of his voice wasn't right and suddenly he wouldn't meet my eyes, kept fidgeting like he was trying to loosen the collar of his uniform shirt. Weird. I was looking straight ahead when I saw it. No! That couldn't be. It wasn't possible. He was a fighter. A soldier. A fucking mercenary for God's sake. He had nightmares about the things he'd done. I kept staring waiting for the scene in front of me to change but it didn't, the cart being wheeled out from the gate, the black bag…the black… I heard a voice coming from far off,

"_Okay we've got the body bagged. We're waiting on the ambulances now."_

I felt strong hands trying to restrain me as I raced towards the gurney but my legs gave out before I made it and I crashed to my knees, throwing back my head I roared the name of my best friend, the only man I'd ever considered my brother, up to the heavens…JASPER!

* * *

_**So is everyone ok? Alright breathe, you can do it…in…out…in…out. There you go, you've got it. See you in chapter thirty!**_


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**This chapter is especially for Bonnie, Michelle, Jolene and any other ladies who've joined us from Fairyland. Thank you girls you know you make me smile and you know why! **

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty: He Died Because of Me_

_Alice's Point of View_

I could hear the daytime sounds of the forest, birds calling, leaves rustling in the trees their branches entwined reminding me of gossiping old women leaning their heads together and having a good old chat. Could I smell breakfasts cooking in the trailers - burnt toast and too crispy bacon? No and that was odd because I could always something burning. What was _that_ damn smell? I wrinkled my nose, was that vomit? I felt the ground beneath me, the blades of damp grass tickling the bare skin on my arms and neck and then the pain, oh the suffocating, crushing pain.

"_Giver her some air. She's coming round. People don't make me ask you again. Step. Back."_

I felt pressure on my upper arm, just the barest squeeze,

"_Ma'am? Can you open your eyes for me? Don't try and sit up yet, we're waiting on the ambulance. I'm not sure but I think you may have a broken rib or two. Ma'am?"_

My eyes were closed. Huh! Guess that explained why I couldn't see who was talking to me then. I was swamped by confusion and the searing pain in my side really wasn't helping my weak attempts to concentrate. I struggled to do what the voice asked. It was a very nice voice, deep and mellow, courteous. It reminded me of…my eyes flew open and I screamed in agony as I tried to rise. Faces swam in and out of focus across my vision.

"_Ma'am you need to…"_

I grabbed blindly at the uniform in front of me, utterly terrified my words ran together in a jumble,

"_TheyhadaguntheyshotJasper. They… They…"_

Sobs tore their way up from somewhere deep inside of me as my soul, fragile as it already was, broke apart. I had changed nothing. I'd lost Bella and now Jasper. I was left with nothing. Nothing. The word reverberated around in my head cruelly mocking me. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Fate, destiny, the way of the world, whatever it was it had taken everything I'd ever had. Everything I ever was.

"_You need to calm down ma'am. Please. You're safe. Just try and relax. Please you need to calm down."_

The insistent pressure against my shoulder and the gentle hand at the back of my neck eased me back down to the ground causing me to cry out again. I heard several indrawn breathes and tried to look around me, to see through the veil of my tears at the gawping strangers surrounding me in a loose circle. I realised then that they weren't unknown to me, they were people from the fair. I wasn't able to call them friends not really but I knew them - Leah, Paul, Seth, Lauren - none of them quite able to meet my frantic, tortured gaze. Leah broke free of Paul's grasp and despite his hissed warning, that was perfectly audible to everyone, she pushed her way through the small crowd and dropped to my side. She looked scared but relieved and her eyes were so full of pity that I had to turn my face away. She brushed my hair from my forehead and spoke soothingly in a way meant to comfort and reassure but I couldn't hear her. I couldn't hear anything passed the sound of my own heavy cries until she said the words that made it all final, all the more real,

"_I'm so sorry Alice…"_

Why was it that _that _I could hear? Oh God! Above everything else why those words? And although I didn't think the pain could get any worse suddenly it was. A hundred, a thousand, a million times worse. The beginning had been a mere flicker and it was now building slowly, spreading throughout my entire body setting fire to every nerve ending, every cell until it was crushing my small frame beneath a weight I just couldn't bear. He was gone and I didn't know how I was going to be able to live. My trembling fingers turned to claws as they gouged into the earth at my sides searching for release, they dug at Leah's thigh searching for comfort, searching for someone, something, anything to take me away from this. I vaguely heard someone calling my name and looked at the faces frantically,

"_Move! Fucking move. Get the fuck outta my way!"_

I flinched at the too loud voice but tried to move, to get to him as I sobbed

"_Emmett. Em. He's gone. Em. Em."_

He fell, slipping and sliding along the grass on his knees as he reached for my outstretched hand,

"_Oh God Emmett they…they…they…"_

And then he was there. Him ignoring the warning hiss from the police officer, me disregarding the punishing ache in my side as I pushed myself up and collapsed against Emmett's muscled frame. He caught me easily and swept me up into his arms, holding me close. The officer grabbed him starting to tug and even in my state I could feel the cold fury rolling off of Emmett as he warned,

"_Right now…do NOT fucking test me."_

I fisted the material of his shirt soaking it in seconds as I lay awkwardly across his lap. He cradled me like a child in the crook of one arm using his other hand to smooth away my tears and wipe the mud and muck from my grimy cheek.

"_Alice honey I need you to calm down. You're gonna hurt yourself. Can you try and do that for me?"_

His voice was firm, quiet yet strong and his soothing fingers brushed through my hair and down my face over and over. I cried for him then remembering his easy compassion when he'd held Jasper through his nightmares and my guilt threatened to suffocate me. He had lost a brother, his best friend all because they'd tried to help me.

"_C'mon sweetheart you gotta look at me. Look at me Alice. I know you can do that."_

And somehow I did, somehow I forced myself to peer deep into his eyes shining with unshed tears. I saw the streaks down his face and knew that he had been crying before he came to find me and I understood he was trying to keep it together now…for me. As if I deserved that! He should be shaking me, screaming at me for killing Jasper. I might not have pulled the actual trigger but I was responsible nonetheless. I felt his pain as though it were my own and I welcomed it, it was no less than I deserved. He slowly lowered his long lashes effectively shielding me from the vulnerability in his gaze and stayed that way for a moment before he captured my chin compelling me to look back at him, only at him,

"_Alice can you hear me? Can you understand me?"_

I managed a weak nod

"_Alice honey it's alright."_

I shook my head angrily feeling woozy and sick and tired and hurt, just _so_ hurt the wretched, cramping pain in my side…oh God did he not understand? It was never going to be alright again. Not ever.

"_You need to listen to me Alice. Really listen and hear what I'm telling you. He's okay. Jasper's alright. He's alive Alice. Alice? Honey he's alive, he's going to be okay."_

I twisted from side to side trying to get him to release me, trying to escape the fingers that had turned hard now not allowing me to get away. Denial screeched through my brain. Dreaming. Was I dreaming? Was that it? My mind had finally taken all it could handle and shut down, leaving me in a world where I could survive, where Jasper was alive and we were going to be together. Always. But I couldn't hold onto that thought and it trickled away from me, as insubstantial as the morning mists. I thrashed and beat my fists ineffectively against Emmett's barrel chest, I doubt it even registered to him and still he refused to let me go. Why? Why would Emmett do this to me? Didn't he know how much it hurt? Or did he and this was his way of paying my back for taking his best friend from him.

_D'you understand what I'm saying Alice? Jasper. Is. Alive. He's gonna be fine. I promise."_

As with Jasper I understood that Emmett wouldn't say those words lightly, a promise meant something. Something real and this time I did look at him, properly, and knew he was telling me the truth. It was there in his full blown grin, in the eager nodding of his head and when I sagged against him I cried quiet, cleansing tears of complete and utter relief.


	31. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**So people am I forgiven? I've only had one or two death threats so I'm hoping that means I am, but come on if I hadn't put in that part about the body bag you'd all have guessed our Jasper was really alive and kicking and I couldn't have that now could I? Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, seriously, thank you. Oh remember the rating is an M for a reason, especially when Emmett's telling the tale!! This chapter is dedicated to Evette for her help and Copey - even though she was naughty enough to call me Wilma in a fit of Jasper induced pique!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty One: All's Well_

_Emmett's Point of View_

I looked over the top of Alice's head into the distraught eyes of the woman kneeling next to us. Yeah well she ought to be fucking upset, these people must have known what was going on yet they'd done nothing to help. So suck it up and deal with it bitch, you're not the one with the broken ribs and the broken boyfriend. Shit I don't think I've ever been so freakin' afraid, not even when I'd found Jasper in the kitchen with his life's blood leaking in vivid red streaks all over the floor where he'd slashed at his own wrists. This time when I'd seen that fucking body bag I thought that I'd lost him for good. This time I'd been really_, really _scared.

I felt Alice start to calm…five, four, thr…

"_What happened Emmett? I don't understand! I saw them…I heard the…is he really okay? As in alive okay"_

Hmmmm less than three seconds, not bad! Yeah okay I tend to lean towards flippancy when I get stressed - to cover a multitude of sins - it really had no place here so I hid my smile in her hair and bit back the sarcastic retort that was on the tip of my tongue,

"_I'll tell you what I know Alice but you gotta promise me that you're not going to try and move or go dashing off because if you can't then I'm going to let this nice police officer deal with you. Got it?"_

Her little face screwed up in a look that wouldn't have been out of place on a two year old getting ready to throw a major league tantrum,

"_I mean it Alice, promise me…"_

I could have sworn I heard the cop snigger but when I glared at him his face was suspiciously impassive, she sighed,

"_Okay. Okay. I promise just please Emmett, please tell me what's going on."_

"_Jasper __**is**__ going to be alright honey. He's unconscious.." _

I felt her sharp intake of breath and then her nails left serious marks in my skin - and I tried not to think about having to explain that to Rosalie - as she tried not to cry out in pain, I looked swiftly down at her and her face was devoid of colour, an unhealthy layer of sweat beading her forehead. Those bastards.

"_Alice believe me sweetheart I know how hard this is but it looks like you've got a couple of busted ribs and if you keep this up you're gonna be in a whole lot of trouble. Try, try really hard to relax."_

God did I seriously just tell her to try and relax?

"_Soooo Jazz is unconscious but the bullet" _I tightened my hold reflexively hoping to stop her from moving _"well the officer who spoke with me said that it was something called a 'through and through' which means it passed all the way out of his body but…"_

I was interrupted by a flurry of activity as the medics arrived and rushed over to Alice immediately pressing an injection into her arm. The little firecracker was not impressed with that and she let them know so, in no uncertain terms, before the medication began to take effect she was hurling abuse at them left, right and centre. She wanted to see Jasper and she wanted to see him _now_! As her words started to slow down and slur I felt her grow heavier in my arms. We both knew that she wasn't going anywhere.

"_Okay sir, we can take her from here."_

One of the medics tried to lift her away from me and I have to admit I kind of snarled at him until he raised his hands and motioned that I could carry her to the gurney myself. I laid her down as gently as I could but she still groaned as I removed my arms from underneath her,

"_Emmett I need to shee him. Where is heeeeee? I still don't undershtand…_

Her voice was high and whiny and again I tried my best not to laugh after all it wasn't funny…not really. She tried to speak, ask more questions but her body couldn't resist the pull of the meds she'd been given,

"_Hush now Alice. You're going to the hospital, I can see Jasper being put into an ambulance now. You just close your eyes and rest. We'll talk later honey."_

"_I love him Em"_

This time I didn't hide my smile, like I've said before, sometimes you just know things are true,

"_I know Alice. I know."_

I stood outside her room unashamedly eavesdropping on the conversation she was having with the doctor. I had a feeling it was going to be important for me to remember all his instructions because something about her gave me the distinct impression that she was going to do her level best to forget or ignore them,

"_We've just had the results from the x-ray and you have two broken ribs. Such injuries can often cause internal bleeding and damage to vital organs but you've been incredibly lucky." _

I snorted, yeah I'm sure she felt exceptionally lucky!

"_We're just about ready to begin your treatment which will involve icing the affected area once every one to two hours for about twenty minutes at a stretch. I think it might be best if we do that for twelve hours or so. This process may be very painful, but will help speed up your recovery and will mitigate the pain in the end. Also I'm going to need you to take a deep breath, as deep as you can bear, at least once an hour while recovering. This will also be painful but it is necessary to help you avoid pneumonia. I've prescribed some Vicodin for you in the interim to help with the pain. Once we've completed your ice treatment I will send someone along to tape you up. You should get the all clear to go home in the morning. Now I have been appraised of your situation Miss Brandon and at the moment it is within my power, as Mr Whitlock's admitting physician as well, to inform you that he has had to be taken down for surgery. The bullet pierced the meaty part of his shoulder near the neck, severing the brachial plexus, the bundle of nerves supplying the arm. To avoid the possibility of paralysis which would leave his arm limp and useless we need to repair the damage and it's just not sensible to wait. I will have a nurse keep you informed of Mr Whitlock's progress. The police are waiting to speak with you and I understand that a friend, er a Mr McCarty, is here as well. He has been, erm, less than restrained shall we say, in his vocalisations of needing to see you and to watch over every single procedure but I do believe one of the nurses persuaded him to wait in the corridor. Would you like to see him before I send the officers in?"_

Fucking nerve of the man! He was talking about me. So I might have been a little indiscriminate with my rather loud and, oh okay I admit it, obnoxious rantings but I cared about Jasper and Alice and these fucking people were telling me diddily squat - which was another reason as to why I was resorting to listening in on private conversations. I heard Alice's tinkling laugh before she swore, loudly, and the doctor reminded her to be more considerate of her _'current incapacitation' . _Condescending asshole. I'd had enough and I pushed the door open all the way before swaggering in like I owned the place,

"_Hey gypsy girl! How're you…"_

Mr Doctor Man cut me off before I got any further,

"_Mr McCarty I don't believe I gave my permission for you to…"_

I waved him into silence, leaving him spluttering with irritation at my complete lack of respect for his esteemed position at the hospital. He had to hold his dick to piss the same as I did so why did he think he warranted special treatment just because he was a doctor? Alice and Jasper were my priority, not stroking his ego. I turned my back on him and went to Alice's side,

"_Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever Doc. So Alice, if it's not too much of a stupid question, how're you doing?" _

She grabbed for my hand holding it tightly between hers, her skin was cold and clammy, too cold in the oppressive warmth of her room and I wondered if she was in shock. Really Emmett, you think? God I could be a prick sometimes. She squeezed,

"_Please Em you have to tell me what happened. I'm still so confused. And these damn painkillers are making my head all fuzzy so I can't think straight. What's going on? Is Jasper going to be okay?"_

I heard the door click and realised the we were being given a few precious moments privacy before the police were allowed in, I decided that maybe the doc wasn't such a pompous ass after all. I let Alice's hand drop so that I could drag one of those God awful plastic chairs across the floor, wincing slightly at the screech it made on the lino I scooted it as close to the bed as I could before sitting down. Alice immediately reached for me again and I enclosed her tiny fingers in mine hoping to give her some of my warmth.

"_Okay Alice same rules apply as before, if you can't keep it together then I'm not going to put out…"_

I waited to see if my double entendre had hit home and I was pleased to see a small smile curve her lips as she nodded,

"_I promise."_

"_Good girl. Okay well the doc's already told you more than I knew…about Jasper needing an operation and everything - so I can only fill you in with what I happened at the fair. This is all from one of the uniforms that was there so I can only guess that it's the truth, as far as they know it before a proper investigation anyway. Now remember honey, you promised. Trust me I meant what I said, I won't tell you a goddamn thing if you…"_

"_Emmett!"_

"_Alright, alright. I came back to get you because I just couldn't get that fucking bruise on your face out of my head and something just didn't feel right. Plus I knew Jasper was probably going to give me a serious kick -in, not just for taking you without telling him but for leaving you there on your own. But when I arrived there were cops everywhere. One of them asked me what I was doing and when I said I was looking for you and Jazz he asked me for your descriptions. I knew then that something was up. Why would he say that otherwise? And I don't mind telling you Alice I was shit scared but I thought that it was because Jasper had…well…you know…that Jazz had…"_

I felt the pressure on my hands increase and knew that she understood without me having to say the actual words.Gratefully I carried on,

"_Then I overheard someone say that the ambulance was coming and I looked up and saw a body bag."_

I faltered and nervously looked at Alice, her expression was carefully neutral but her eyes, oh God, her eyes were wild with anguish and I knew my expression reflected hers. Even though we both knew he was here and he was alive we'd come too close to losing him for this conversation to be even remotely comfortable,

"_Please Emmett I don't understand. The body bag…?"_

I took a much needed breath and decided to omit the part of the story where I'd screamed and cried. She'd been virtually comatose when I'd reached her and didn't need to hear that I'd fallen to pieces at the thought of Jasper's death. I shuddered, even thinking it made me…erm…uneasy.

"_Turns out that there was some trouble on Saturday night between some of the locals and the guys who man the rides and there were a number of complaints made. The police were there to make some general enquiries, give out a few verbal warnings - that sort of thing - when some woman at the fair made a…what was it he called it? Oh I dunno, a 'serious allegation' I think, concerning the behaviour of the managers. She claimed that they'd dragged you off against your will and were going to basically kick the crap out of you. When they found you it must have been like the fucking gun fight at the OK Corral, they saw you on the ground and one of those assholes pointing a gun at Jasper. He shot. They shot. End result? One dead bad guy and one very lucky Jasper. And that's it. That's all I know."_

I was silent, letting her take it all in. Allowing her to process everything that I'd told her. Hoping that she'd understand the import of my words, that she was free of their shit now. One of _'them' _was dead and the other was looking at a long stretch inside.

"_I…I don't know what to say Emmett. Th…th…thank you."_

I heard her swallow against the tears that were threatening and stood up to kiss her lightly on the forehead. I drew back at the knock on the door.

"_Come in."_

I called gruffly, my voice thickened by emotion. A pretty petite nurse, I think she'd said her name was Emily, hovered in the hallway,

"_Sorry to intrude but I really can't hold the police off any longer. They need to speak with both you and Miss Brandon but would like to do so separately. Don't worry Mr McCarty I'll stay with her."_

Ahhhhh the wonders and joys of harmless flirting. God I loved women! I flashed her my best smile before promising Alice that I'd be back as soon as I could. As I left two burly officers walked solemnly into her room and closed the door.


	32. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you those of you who have added me to your Favourites and Alerts, it's nice to know you're there too. Too everyone who has Reviewed…wow…thank you *grins happily*. This one is for Debbie B because I love 'er and she knows why!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Two: Why Is Life Never Easy?_

_Alice's Point of View_

Finally I was alone and although that was all I'd been craving for the last two hours now that I was I felt desolate, empty, bereft even. None of that made any sense which is probably understandable after everything that had happened but I was frightened too. The police officers had listened politely to everything that I'd told them but they'd explained, somewhat apologetically, that there hadn't been enough evidence to hold James let alone charge him. Laurent was the one who had hit me, Laurent had been the one holding the gun, Laurent was the one who'd shot Jasper. James was claiming he'd tried to stop him as he had on Saturday night and I couldn't refute that. Although his reasons hadn't been altruistic for all intents and purposes he _had_ stopped Laurent from hitting me again. James said he was trying to reason with Laurent when the police arrived and that he had actually been in fear for his own life. He was alleging that he had been trapped in an abusive relationship with Laurent and that he had a witness who would attest to his innocence. Victoria. I should have expected that lying bitch would provide him with an alibi. They'd then said that there had been rumblings from some of the others at the fair but no one would stand against James and Victoria, no one had come forward to support my story. Of course not. Because like me they existed in a closed community, interference from outsiders, the police included, was barely tolerated. We supposedly took care of our own which meant that they, and I, lived in fear. Fear of reprisals, fear of losing homes and jobs. Fairs have a long history steeped in tradition and many of the people working at Birkby's had been there years, the older generation passing their positions down to the younger breed as and when. It was a genuine fear of losing their way of life. No. No one would refute the claims made my James. My only hope now was that James would be prepared to let me go. That because of the police involvement I could just walk away and that would be an end to it.

The nurse had not long been to ice my ribs and give me more pain medication and I prayed that when it properly took effect I might gain some peace, maybe even enough to allow me to close my eyes without hearing the deafening explosion of sound from a gun going off. I wondered when Emmett would be back. I hoped someone would come by soon to tell me how Jasper was doing. So many thoughts and feelings rushing around chaotically in my head. I felt as though I was going to burst. Then suddenly my whole body tensed when I heard a low hateful voice at the door,

"_Hello Alice. I'm so pleased that you're okay. I've been worried about you."_

I looked around in a panic for the call button but it was placed just out of my reach, someone must have moved it when they came in and forgotten to put it back. James tut-tutted and waggled his finger at me as though he were chastising a recalcitrant pupil for misplacing a piece of school equipment, there was no way I could get to the buzzer and he knew it. I saw his feral smirk and his gait as he moved stealthily towards me was like that of a natural born predator, flowing and controlled. Every single fibre of my being screamed at me to get away from him yet I froze, terrorised into immobility. He placed his hands either side of my head on the pillow and I recoiled against the hate and fury in his eyes as he plastered his lips to mine. He was callous as he tried to punish me with a spiteful kiss, biting at my lips until he drew blood which seemed to spur his arousal. When I wouldn't open my mouth under his he grabbed savagely at my bruised and aching side causing me to gasp and allowing him to force his tongue passed my teeth. I gagged and battled to get him away from me, trying to claw at his face and neck. His breathing was uneven and I realised my fighting was only inflaming him further.

"_What the fuck is going on here?"_

Emmett's enraged bellow filled the room and I could have cried in relief as James pulled slowly away. He sneered at Emmett,

"_Who the hell are you?"_

Emmett took one look at me and pulled himself up to his full and not inconsiderable height, there was a reason that Jasper tormented him by giving him the nickname 'Bear' and it had nothing to do with him being covered in fur and hibernating in the winter. In that moment he looked huge and incredibly intimidating, his hands clenched into tight fists were shaking with the effort he was expending to restrain himself,

"_I know who you are you son of a bitch and if you don't move your arm from Alice I'm gonna do it for you and if I have to detach it from the rest of your fucking body I will. Get. The. Fuck. Off. Her. NOW!"_

James merely raised his eyebrows and pecked me on the cheek,

"_I think perhaps it would be better if I left Alice. Your..erm…friend seems a little excitable. Don't worry about a thing. I'll have Victoria stand in for you until you've recovered from your…ahem…accident."_

Emmett bared his teeth and took a step closer his fists raised, the muscles in his arms bunching, James was undaunted and actually appraised Emmett suggestively,

"_Down big boy. I'm leaving."_

"_Don't Em please. That's what he wants. Leave it, please…"_

I felt weak and drained and on the verge of tears again. Emmett looked between me and the retreating figure of James as he left the room clearly torn over whether he should stay or go after James and rip his throat out. My ragged plea won out but only just and he grudgingly closed the door and came to my bedside.

"_Fuck it Alice why couldn't you have just let me take the bastard? It's not as though he doesn't have it coming. Did the police tell you what he's saying? I guess that is him - James? How could they let him go? What an asshole! I should have beaten the living shit out of him. Seriously I should have…Damn Alice honey I'm sorry."_

His ranting and raving was too much for my already frayed nerves and I couldn't help it, I started crying again. He picked up one of my hands laying limply against the bedding,

"_Honestly I'm sorry. I'm just…never mind. I'm sorry. So anyway I told the police everything I know and I don't think that I've been much help, to them or to you. But I don't know enough about what's been going on to be constructive with the truth. How did you get on? Have you heard anything more about Jasper? I can't even sweet talk the nurse into telling me anything. Oh I phoned Rose earlier just so she knows where I am and she's going to stop by. She's going to bring you some night things so you don't have to wear that."_

His nose wrinkled in disgust at the hospital scrubs I'd been given and I smiled inspite of myself.

"_She said she'd get some toiletries as well because I didn't know how long they were going to keep you here. Have they said? Has anyone talked to you about coming home yet? You know you're coming back to the apartment right? Jasper would kill me if I didn't make that perfectly clear. He's gonna kill me anyway but at least that's one less thing for him to commit murder over. I'll ask Rose if she minds staying as well that way you won't need to feel uncomfortable when it's just the two of us. I mean I don't know how long before they'll let Jasper come home. I'm not a creepy guy or anything but it'll probably be easier for you. I can't cook for shit by the way Jazz does all the cooking. Can you cook?"_

I held up my free hand,

"_Jesus Emmett take a breath!_"

He glanced away trying for all the world not to look flustered and I tried not to laugh, it was actually very endearing, something I would never dream of saying to him. I had a feeling that if I did he would never let me forget it.

"_The cops left a while ago and told me the same as you by the sounds of things and no, I can't believe it. I was hoping that after this James would just let me leave Birkby's quietly but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Still if I give it a few days he might have calmed down and be willing to see reason. For all his faults, he loved Laurent and his death won't be an easy thing to accept. No I haven't heard about Jasper, I'm still waiting for an update but you know what they say? No news is good news right? And Emmett? Thank you. For everything. For arranging things with Rose, for the offer of sharing the apartment, for being here, for being a friend. Thank you."_

I think he actually blushed a little,

"_Awwww jeez gypsy girl cut it out, you'll swell my ego!"_

I giggled and the sound felt good, natural and in an odd way, liberating

"_God forbid that happens, we'll never get you out of the door!"_

We were interrupted by the tap on the door and a young nurse popped her head around the door,

"_Hi! I'm Sue. Doctor Swan asked me to let you know that Mr Whitlock is out of surgery. Everything went just fine and he's in recovery. He lost quite a lot of blood at the scene of the..ah..accident and we had to give him a transfusion and he's doing as well as can be expected at this time."_

She held up her hand to forestall the inevitable questions that both Emmett and I were about to launch into,

"_And before you ask, no you can't see him yet. Doctor Swan fully expects him to regain consciousness once the anaesthetic wears off and when he's moved to the ward you will be allowed to see him then. And not before Mr McCarty!"_

She gave Emmett a stern a look but added, not unkindly,

"_Look I understand you guys are worried for your friend but he's in the best of hands here, let us do our job and you'll be seeing him in next to no time okay. Okay? I'll pop by later if there's any more news."_

We bobbed our heads in silent acknowledgement neither of us bothering to try and hide our tears_. _

Emmet stayed, clucking around me for all the world like an overgrown mother hen, until Rose arrived, harried and breathless from chasing up and down the corridor trying to find us. Apparently the nurses didn't respond quite as well to the blonde bombshell that was Rosalie as they did to Emmett. Go figure! She shooed Emmett off to go and find a half decent coffee machine and warned him not to come back for at least an hour.

"_Awwwww Rosie…baby…c'mon! You and the gypsy girl! Shower. Water. Undressing. It's a…"_

"_Emmett! Leave. Now."_

"_Yeah Rose alright... Fuck it what did you do?"_

I can only imagine how I must have looked to them as my fingers twisted into the scratchy nylon blanket, my head thrown back against the pillows letting the mental picture inside my mind play out. I felt their alarmed anticipation as they waited for me to say something, anything but I couldn't. Not yet. I sensed myself briefly losing control against the vision but this time that was a good thing, a really good thing and I finally I was able to whisper,

"_He's awake Emmett. Jasper's awake."_


	33. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**This one is for all my FL friends who encourage me to carry on when I really feel that I can't do this. For Jo (yeah, yeah I know, you told me so), Bonnie, Anita, Claire, Karen (yes you Copey), Christine, and all the Debbies - B, M, P and T, for my two lemon lovin' friends Jolene and Michelle. And even though she'll never read this...for my mum. So, he's not only alive but awake then…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Three: Awake But Unaware_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I could hear the low noises of electronic machinery at work, clicks and beeps, a gentle but constant hum. The sound of someone's breathing deep and even very close by. There were voices speaking in whispers. Papers shuffling. Pens scratching. My tongue felt thick, my mouth and lips dry. My eyelids were too heavy.

"_Mr Whitlock?"_

I tried to turn my head to the voice but everything slipped away back into the darkness.

I smelt coffee and my taste buds went into meltdown. God I loved that smell, it was my idea of nirvana - rolling that first sip around letting it coat my tongue before burning its way merrily down to my stomach bringing my body to wakefulness inch by glorious inch. Coffee was my own little addiction, a guilty pleasure. Okay so heaven smelled like coffee. I could live in an afterlife like that. My mouth watered and I stretched my arms…Jesus H Christ what the…? Nausea suddenly clawed at my throat as I tried to swallow against the searing pain that ripped at my shoulder but at least it meant I was alive. Only living could be that fucking excruciating. And it hurt. A lot.

"_He's coming round. Mr Whitlock? Jasper can you hear me?"_

Not daring to move anything else I experimented with opening my eyes…slowly,

"_Well hello there. Nice to have you back in the land of the living Mr Whitlock you gave your friends quite a scare I understand. Now you have nothing to worry about alright? You're in the Forks Community Hospital recovery ward and I'm your recovery nurse, Tanya. You had to have a small operational procedure and if you can remain awake for the next half an hour or so we can move you right on up to a room and I can hand you over to the general ward staff . I'm just going to take some vitals and then I'll get you some ice chips. Does that sound good? Good! You hang on in there, you're going to be just fine."_

The nurse bustled around me picking up charts and keeping up a steady stream of empty chatter as she took my blood pressure, temperature and oxygen saturation levels, pronouncing herself happy enough to leave me for a few moments to go get the ice. I let my eyes drift slowly closed trying to remember what had happened to warrant me ending up in hospital undergoing a '_relatively minor operation'. _I knew that I'd expected to wake up dead which was beyond weird!What was the last thing I could rememb…

Wildly I swung my head to the side ignoring the wave of queasiness that was desperately vying for my attention and saw a drip in my arm. A quick examination of the label on the clear plastic told me all I needed to know, saline. That was coming out first! I ripped the tape and gauze together with the cannula from the back of my hand, hissing at the sharp sting and ignoring the thin trickle of blood that oozed from the wound. I wiped it hastily against the pristine hospital sheets staring at the stark contrast of red against white. I shuddered. I could see a bag tied to the end of the bed, my clothes? I stayed laying down but bent my knees slightly and turned carefully onto my right side, not carefully enough. I bit back a harsh curse as the pain ripped and burned in my left shoulder causing sweat to break out across my forehead and my breath to come in short, frantic pants. I gave myself a couple of seconds then eased my legs from under the covers aiming my feet for the floor whilst still not moving my head from the pillow. When I felt the cold lino under my feet I began using my elbow to push myself upright. Fuck! That. Shit. Hurt. I closed my eyes against the spinning of the room and tried to pull air into my lungs to stop the blackness that was encroaching on the edge of my vision. I could _not_ pass out. I steadied myself then bore down on my right hand locking my knees when I stood upright, I took one step then another, all my attention focused on reaching that bag,

"_Mr Whitlock! What in God's name do you think you are doing?"_

In turning round to face the direction of that voice my concentration broke and my limbs suddenly decided they no longer wanted to co-operate and dumped me unceremoniously onto the floor. Shit! The sound of a peeling alarm brought four or five people running from various stations throughout the ward and I was lifted swiftly and laid back onto the bed unconcerned for the moment with my pain. I closed my eyes and kept them closed, thinking that it was the safest bet until the furore had calmed down after my dramatic bid for freedom and until I'd regained control over my stomach which was threatening to rebel and purge itself of its contents…everywhere. I didn't so much as twitch when I felt another needle being pushed under my skin,

"_Would you like to tell me what that was all about Mr Whitlock?"_

"_I'll tell you anything you fuckin' well want to hear" _I croaked in a harsh whisper _"once you tell me what happened to Alice."_

I knew my breathing was too loud and it rang raggedly in my ears, my body was tense, trembling with anticipation and fear. Is this how Alice felt when she had a vision I wondered as images smashed into me again and again, playing on a never ending loop behind my eyes - those bastards kicking her, the stricken look of pain on her beautiful face, her screaming… I clutched blindly for the hand of the nurse sitting beside me needing reassurance, needing grounding, needing? There was only one thing, one person I needed, Alice. My fists knotted convulsively as I fought the urge to scream. God let her be alright. She _had_ to be alright.

"_Mr Whitlock? Jasper? I think that I should call the doctor and get him to sign off on a mild sedative. What you just tried to do was…"_

I squeezed her hand unmercifully,

"_Alice."_

I raised my eyes to hers for the first time and begged in a strangled whisper,

"_Please. __**Please**__ tell me she's okay."_

She shook her head slowly and I choked on a whimper,

"_Jasper try and remain calm. I don't know anything about an 'Alice' but if it's causing you this much distress I'll go and see what I can find out. IF and only if you promise me that you will not move a muscle from this bed? And try sucking some of the ice chips."_

"_Alice?"_

"_Ice?"_

I nodded and took the cup that was held out to me, tipping it to my lips with shaking hands as I watched Tanya watching me before she turned and left.

I tried hard not to think, tried not to focus on all the things that could have happened and tried really fucking hard not to dwell on the dizzying array of carbon copy Alice's that were still slamming their way through my consciousness each one more fucked up than the last. Jesus if that nurse didn't get back soon sheer desperation was going to lend me the strength to get the hell out of this hospital and find out for myself. I heard a pair of heels clacking against the floor,

"_How are you getting on there Mr Whitlock?"_

She _had_ to be kidding me right? Cut the bullshit and tell me for fucks sake woman, I'm going out of my mind here and your talking at me in that piss-y little sickly sweet voice asking me if I'm doing okay! Jeez give me a sec to think that one over will ya'?

"_I've spoken with Doctor Swan and he'll be down to see you shortly and we __**will **__be administering a sedative. However in the interim he has given me some very good" _I held my breath until I could see flashes of bright light. Get. To. The. Fucking. Point _"news for you. Miss Brandon was admitted at the same time" _Oh God she's in the hospital. What had those bastards done to her? _"you were and is also under the care of Doctor Swan. She has two broken ribs and" _the air left my lungs and I could breathe again, my battered heart taking on the semblance of a regular rhythm_ "will be staying here tonight for treatment and observation. The police have already spoken with Miss Brandon and the young man who" _who the fuck was that? If one of those sons of bitches was anywhere near her I was going to kill them _"accompanied her here but Doctor Swan urged me to tell you that they will need to talk to you soon as well. I've already told him that I see no harm in their doing so as your wound is relatively minor which does not mean I am, in any way, trivialising what you have been through, but that it should not preclude you from doing your civic duty and speaking with them as soon as you are able. Now you've been cleared after theatre and we're just waiting for a porter to move the bed and you'll be in a room on your own."_

She patted my arm and, thankfully, finally stopped talking. Holy Mary Mother of God Alice was alive. She was here. She was going to be fine. My head felt about ready to explode and I couldn't begin to name half of the emotions that were flooding through me except relief. Relief, oh fuck yeah. I felt that right to the very bottom of my soul. Then my lips curled in irritation who the hell was here with her?

When they came to move me I closed my eyes and let everything fade away. I didn't want to listen to the idle gossip of the transfer team, or the orderly or the nurses. I wanted peace. I wanted quiet. I wanted, needed, longed for Alice. The Doctor had been to see me before I was transferred and despite harried words from Tanya I'd managed to get him to agree not to give me anymore meds…for the time being. But if anyone found me out of bed when I didn't need to be I was getting a double dose, enough to knock the ass end out of a horse apparently. Fair enough. I heard a door and then felt a slight jolt as the bed stopped rolling, nurse Tanya squeezed my arm again,

"_Mr Whitlock this is highly irregular but I have to step outside for a moment to complete some paperwork and give the ward team a few last minute instructions concerning your, ahem, welfare" _in other words she was going to tell them to watch me like a hawk. I was under no illusions that they'd slap me with the sedative if I didn't do as I was told _"but seeing as though you are both under the care of Doctor Swan and he has given his explicit consent to allow this…"_

"_Hey cowboy. Live to fight another day then huh?"_

Emmett! The big man barrelled his way into the room passed Tanya who shrugged her shoulders and huffed out, we both ignored her as he clasped my hand in a painfully tight grip, grinning fit to burst,

"_You scared the living shit outta me today Jasper. Don't __**ever**__ do that again."_

We stared at each other and I saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"_I love you man."_

"_I know Bear."_

He coughed loudly and I caught a hint of the childish mischievousness he was prone to,

"_I'll be right back. Just need to fetch something."_

I was too tired to be genuinely curious and I felt myself sliding towards sleep.

"_Hello Jasper."_

My eyes flashed open the instant I heard _her_ voice. Alice. Here. Alive. Sweet Jesus. I looked towards the door and saw Emmett with Rosalie as well. He'd been pushing Alice in a wheelchair and now had a restraining hand laid on her shoulder but she was shoving him off and tugging at Rose trying to get help out of the chair. I couldn't speak passed the emotion that was clogging my throat, I was finding it hard enough just to breathe. I didn't unlock my gaze from hers for a single second as I tried to force my lips to tell her no, to tell her that she should stay where she was and let Emmett wheel her in but I just couldn't. I was a selfish prick and I _needed_ to see her walking towards me to reassure myself that she was real, that she was actually there, in the flesh and not some cruel figment of my imagination. I saw the quiet grief in her expression as she stopped near the bed not yet close enough to touch. Her hands fluttered uncertainly by her sides and looking back at Emmett, who nodded at her encouragingly, she walked the final two steps to stand by me. Her gentle fingers trembled as they brushed my skin lighting a fire everywhere they caressed and I heard her hushed sob,

_Oh Jazz I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry…"_

I raised my arm trying to reach her, wanting to stroke the look of wretched misery from her face, but truly wanting, more than anything, to just _feel _her and _know_ she wasn't a ghost, a lie. My voice was a strangled murmur,

"_Alice darlin' please…"_

Emmett started forward protectively

"_Alice don't. Fuck! Jasper she shouldn't be doing that."_

I caught her soft wince as she tried to lean over so that I could touch her and I understood what Emmett was trying to say, I started to shake my head at her to tell her to stop but she silenced me with a look. Without turning she said,

"_I'm alright Em."_

Rosalie leaned into him and I heard her whisper

"_Leave them be baby, they need to do this… Emmett McCarty they don't need an audience you big freak. Out!"_

His brow furrowed in annoyance but he folded his arms across his broad chest and refrained from saying anything more as Rose dragged him outside and quietly closed the door.

"_Don't you do that to me again Jazz not ever. Don't you ever leave me!"_

Her voice was small and fierce like the lady herself,

"_I promise Alice. I promise I will never leave you."_

And as simply as that I gave myself to her…totally.

Alice traced the contours of my face with a gossamer light touch as her lips moved towards mine with infinite slowness and I felt a rush of heat wash through my body as she kissed me. It was long and hard and as hot as hell. She let me taste her fear, taste her intensity. Just as quickly, just as effortlessly the kiss became sensual and erotic, drugging me as I tasted the only thing I would ever need, her love.


	34. Chapter 34

DISCLAIMER:  This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

Alright a quick up-date to keep everyone happy. Summer Rayne bloody hell girl, how quick was your R&R? LOL and thank you. This one is especially for you and Debbie M because no one else has read that fast…(oh and if they're any mistakes then you can blame those two for not giving me a minutes peace when I was trying to edit - kidding ladies, kidding!)

**Stop The Merry-Go-Round**

_Chapter Thirty Four: Against All Good Advice_

_Alice's Point of View_

I wrapped my arms around Jasper's sleeping body murmuring wordless noises against his fevered skin knowing that if this didn't end soon he would wake up screaming…again. He had been home from the hospital (after refusing to listen to reason and against Doctor Swan's advice he'd discharged himself) for three nights now and each one had followed the same pattern. No sooner had his breathing settled down into a slow, steady rhythm then the nightmares would start and they were _bad_. He was getting them three and four times and even Emmett had whispered to me in a quiet aside that they had never been like this before. So when I felt him stirring beside me as he was now, felt his body stiffening and jerking in fear, I held him. I spoke meaningless words. I crushed his clammy, shaking frame to mine and willed him to come back undamaged from wherever his dreams had dragged him. Each time he woke he looked a little less sure, battered and defeated from trying to fight an enemy he couldn't actually touch. His passion was crushing at these times, almost brutal in his need to devour and be devoured but he never hurt me not even when he pressed hungry, open mouthed kisses against my still healing ribs. There were no softly spoken terms of endearment, no intimate words to melt the sexual barriers yet I was never shy or fearful of him. He showed me how to arouse his desire whilst he inflamed my senses and I met him as an equal, fire on fire, all consuming. In the afterglow of our coming together, in a tangle of hot, sweating limbs he seemed able to find peace for a while and words of love would flow between us then before he slept and the cycle began again. My love for him was unconditional as his was for me so in each others embrace, despite everything, we found our solace.

"_Mornin' darlin'"_

He smiled lazily at me brushing his fingers lightly over my naked hip and stomach causing my skin to tingle, his brooding sexiness made my breath catch in my throat. Yet I hadn't failed to see the torment darkening his beautiful eyes until staring into them was like falling into a deep abyss, tempestuous, unbridled and black. I couldn't help but notice the purple shadows growing more pronounced with every passing day, bruises of colour against his now deathly pale skin. I secured his hand and brought it to rest against my cheek nuzzling into his palm watching his face carefully for any sign that he was in pain although mindful of his shoulder he had turned onto his side and rested all of his weight on his good elbow and forearm,

"_Jazz?" _I spoke softly, wanting his full attention _"we need to talk about this. I need you to trust me enough to…"_

He bent his head to capture my lips in a soothing kiss before nipping at my ear,

"_Nothin' to talk about. Shit happens darlin' it'll get easier, it always does."_

"_That's not what I meant. Well it is. In part it is but I meant what happened when you came after me? When they…" _

His eyes blazed and there was something almost inhuman in their depths. I faltered,

"_I'm not going to talk about this with you Ali. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. I refuse to relive it when it will benefit no one, least of all you and certainly not me. I won't discuss this again."_

The finality in his rough voice brooked no argument, none whatsoever,

"_Emmett said…he said…"_

I heard the smile in his voice as his warm breath caused goose-bumps to ghost across my skin with each word he spoke,

"_Emmett said what darlin'?"_

"_He said that they've never" _I shivered and he chuckled fully aware of what he was doing _"Emmett said that the nightmares have never been this bad before."_

"_Mmmmm hmmmmmm."_

He ran the tip of his nose gently up the column of my throat inhaling deeply,

"_Jesus woman you smell good!"_

"_Jazz please…"_

"_Please what darlin'?"_

Oh God he really wasn't being fair,

"_We do need to talk."_

He nodded slowly and I felt his hair tickle my shoulders,

"_Okay. Go. Ahead. And. Talk. I'm. Listenin'" _each word was punctuated by a kiss as his cool lips moved steadily across the fevered skin at the back of my neck _"I'm just not promising that I'll answer!"_

"_Jasper…"_

We both groaned in unison at the sudden insistent banging on the bedroom door.

"_Wooohooo! Ride 'em cowboy!"_

"_Fuck off Bear!"_

I shook my head ruefully, wondering not for the first time, how two grown men could possibly still be so infantile.

"_Get your asses outta bed kids, the weather is fine and La Push is calling. Rose and I have been up for hours" _I had to laugh at how Emmett stressed the word 'hours' _"getting everything packed up and ready so c'mon we're not taking no for an answer. Now up 'n' at 'em. Move it. Move it. Move it."_

He banged on the door again for good measure and I swear the damn thing actually rattled on its hinges. I raised my eyebrows,

"_You do realise he's not going to go away right?"_

Jasper ground his teeth in frustration and grumbled,

"_I swear to God I'm gonna kill him one of these days. And d'you know what? I'm gonna damn well enjoy doin' it!"_

I giggled, I couldn't help myself, we needed this - to get away from it all for a few hours, to be free from everything that had happened and just relax. Have a little fun. I hadn't had the chance to tell Jasper about James being at the hospital yet and I'd made Emmett swear to me that he wouldn't. I knew I'd have to come clean soon but I was terrified of what his reaction was going to be. Not at me but at James. The fair had been scheduled for two weeks in Forks and as far as I knew nothing had changed so James was still in town. The police had interviewed Jasper and it had been perfunctory at best but it wouldn't be wise for him to be seen near Birkby's, just incase and if he knew what James had said there would be no stopping him. My thoughts darkened and I saw Jasper watching me questioningly,

"_I'll tell him to go to hell?"_

"_Give us half an hour Em."_

I yelled before Jazz had a chance to say any such thing. I heard Emmett cheering all the way into his own room.

"_Come on my poor battered soldier, us walking wounded need to stick together."_

* * *

I looked aghast at the 'supplies', it was going to take a week just to unpack! Emmett and Rosalie had crammed enough stuff into the jeep for an invading army - catering for every possibility. Em, apparently, had been a Boy Scout and firmly believed in the old adage 'Be Prepared'. He grinned cheekily flashing his dimples unashamedly at both Rose and I his clear blue eyes twinkling with happiness. We played along with him, giggling like a pair of schoolgirls and batting our eyelashes at him. It was impossible not to hear the threatening growl rumbling in Jasper's chest when Emmett's large calloused hands cupped mine and Rosalie's butts, giving us a playful squeeze,

"_Get your fuckin' hand off Alice's ass Bear before I break your Goddamn fingers!"_

Emmett raised his arms, feigning innocence, before pressing his lips quickly and gently to mine, winking as he did so

"_EMMETT!"_

Jasper's roar caused a few curious heads to turn our way as Emmett darted to the other side of the jeep laughing so hard it sounded liked thunder crashing overhead.

"_Em."_

Rosalie's voice was sharp with disapproval but I could see the amusement that was twitching her lips,

"_Enough baby, Jasper looks about ready to bust his stitches!"_

"_Shit cowboy why don't you just stick a brand on her ass and be done with it?"_Rose and I looked at Jasper a little warily until we all heard him mutter with an apologetic grin,

"_I'm fuckin' thinkin' about it!"_

I shook my head in mock condemnation and moved to stand beside him,

"_He's playing with you Jazz and you should know better. Ignore him" _I spoke a little louder, ensuring Emmett heard me as I teased _"he's not worth it."_

Emmett's crestfallen expression almost had me fooled until I caught the impish wiggle of his eyebrows. Incorrigible. He was totally, completely incorrigible.

Jasper leaned down and whispered,

"_Can you manage if I pick you up and hold you?"_

My confusion must have been evident but after watching him flex his shoulder experimentally and getting no further explanation I nodded,

"_Good because the only man who ever gets to kiss you from now on is me!"_I felt rather than heard his soft chuckle as I half climbed, he half lifted me to settle against his chest with my legs around his waist, locked at the ankles, I sucked in a breath and thanked God for Vicodin! He leaned back against the jeep steadying us both as I pushed my hands into his honey blonde hair luxuriating in the feel of the freshly washed curls sliding like silk through my fingers. His eyes flashed with desire as our lips came together in a seductive rush, warm and wet we kissed until we were breathless. As Jasper set me slowly back on my feet, letting my body slide the length of his making him groan with need Emmett hooted and raised his hand for a high five which Jasper now quite cheerfully returned. Men!

Emmett and Rosalie had really spoilt us, they'd laid out warm plaid blankets and soft cushions telling us to relax whilst they'd bustled back and forth to the jeep fetching and carrying everything bar the kitchen sink. It actually wouldn't have surprised me if they'd hefted that in as well! I heard a boom-box playing quietly somewhere not too far away and I let the balmy sounds wash over me, swaying a little to the faint rhythm. We were finally all settled, there was beer chilling in the cooler just behind us hugging the partial shade offered by some old rocks and Rose had already set out lunch, from a huge wicker picnic hamper. The chicken salad looked delicious and the smell of the fresh bread was mouth-watering, I could see cheeses, cold meats and fruit including luscious plump, strawberries. I stared at the young couple in amazement,

"_Seriously when did you guys pull this together? _

Rose shrugged elegantly

"_I just grabbed a few things on my way over to you all, I'm a morning person and I like the smell of the bread and pastries when they set up. Em had the other stuff left hanging around from the other night. It's nothing. C'mon eat, enjoy."_

Emmett grabbed a plate and started helping himself and we all laughed,

"_What?" _he asked quizzically _"What? I'm a growin' man. Oh fuck off the lot of ya!"._

Rose rested between Emmett's legs, her head laid on his chest as he gently ran his fingers through her flaxen hair, they were both looking out to sea content just to be together. Jasper was leaning on his good side and had pulled me into him his chest pressing against my back. Since leaving the hospital he was never far from my side and I could almost feel his anxiety if I moved away too far or was gone for too long. He touched me constantly as though he was trying to convince himself that I was real and even as I had the thought his fingers started to trail lightly up and down my arm and I smiled. Being with him made me feel at ease, his mere presence like a balm for my soul. I turned my face to the sky, it was a cloudless azure blue and as I let the sun brush over my skin I began to feel better than I had in a long, long time. The warmth from the land met with the coolness of the ocean and came together to wash us in its combined breeze, the salty air birds - some sort of gulls - skimmed the waterline picking at tiny creatures as they rose and fell with the swell of the sea. It was beautifully mysterious, deep shades of blue and green, ever changing yet never changing, as the billowing waves splashed against the shore sending fine arches of spray high into the air. I watched as the droplets dazzled with the colours of the rainbow looking like tiny diamonds before splattering against the golden sand. Squinting a little I saw butterflies dancing between the summer flowers on one of the sand dunes, sharing their finds with fat bumblebees whose little legs were weighted down with the fullness of their pollen baskets. My spirit seemed at peace here.

"_You okay darlin'?"_

Jasper breathed quietly nuzzling the sensitive skin on my neck to disguise the question but I didn't get the chance to answer him as Rosalie was speaking to me,

"_We really need to get you some new stuff Alice and I'd love for you to come and see my shop. What do you think? A touch of retail therapy at Sparkle tomorrow would you like to come with me?"_

I tried really hard not to squeal like a kid who'd just been given the last golden ticket into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, was she kidding? Would I like to? Seriously?

"_No!"_

As Jasper ground the solitary word out harshly my body went rigid under his caressing fingers and even Emmett glanced at him with amazement evident in his expression,

"_Jasper stop behaving like a fucking Neanderthal it's getting old. This is Rosie we're talking about. Her shop. Gypsy girl needs clothes and…and…girlie stuff."_

He hadn't moved his relaxed position but I heard the hint of steel running through his words. Emmett wasn't such a cuddly teddy bear all the time after all. He carried on speaking,

"_Besides I warned that James off at the hospital…oh fuck!"_

No one moved as Jasper's head whipped round lightening fast, no one moved as his voice, deep and dangerous said,

"_What?_


	35. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I hope you lot appreciate this? I could have been watching the next episode of TrueBlood if Copey hadn't sent an Email DEMANDING Chapter 35!! Apparently I was mean leaving you all with a cliffy like that *evil laugh* so here you go. It's Jasper's POV again so the usual warning applies, this is rated M because of Jazz and Em's potty mouth. Read and Review please!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Five: The Tangled Web We Weave _

_Jasper's Point of View_

I felt an icy calm steal over me totally at odds with the white hot rage that was boiling my blood burning away the bitter, metallic taste of fear pooling in my mouth slick against my tongue and teeth.

"_What?"_

Hard. Angry. Deceptively quiet it was the only word I could manage as my infuriated gaze settled on Emmett who was studying Alice's reaction carefully. The bastard should have been watching me!

"_Don't look at her Em' look at me. Do __**not**__ make me ask you this a third time. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Mean?"_

His startled eyes met mine then. I had never, _never_ in all our years of friendship, in everything that we had been through together never had I threatened him…until now. And he better fucking believe that I meant it. He inclined his head slightly, the smallest movement - yeah, he knew. This was a genie that wasn't going back in the bottle. We'd crossed a line. Rose laid a restraining hand on Emmett's thigh stopping him from standing, Goddamn it don't tell me she was a party to this too.

"_Back off Jasper."_

Excuse me? Did she just…? Oh hell no!

"_Shut the fuck up Rosalie. This is none of your damn business."_

Emmett scowled at me furiously but didn't get the chance to defend Rosalie, she was a woman on a mission and this hellcat didn't need anyone's help,

"_Who d'you think you're talking to Jasper?" _I felt my eyes widen in surprise and she let out a grim laugh _"Yeah, yeah, yeah I know all about the big, bad Jasper Whitlock and I'm sure you could kill me with a snap of your fingers like some fuckin' Texan ninja but d'you want to know something? Not so fuckin' scary! We get it._ _Your pissed and yep" _she popped the 'p' at the end of the word _"you've probably got every right to be but this shit here" _she waved her arms around between the four of us _"stops. Now. Friendship and anger, not a good combination and neither gives you the right to talk to any of us like that. Ever. I let someone talk that way to me before and it wasn't too long before he thought that he could take other liberties, slap me around…"_

Hold on. Wait just a fuckin' minute. Was she putting me in the same category as some sort of wife beater? The force of my temper dissipated with that single thought. I was truly horrified that she would think I was capable of lashing out like that, not at a woman. Never at a woman.

"_Rosalie I wouldn't…"_

I didn't get a chance to finish as her eyes flashed fiercely,

"_Still. Talking. Jasper."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

Sighing softly she reached for Emmett's hand, her anger disappearing as quickly as mine had,

"_I know you wouldn't Jasper. The point I'm making is that yes, we probably made a mistake keeping this from you but that didn't justify the way you spoke to Em' or to me. And perhaps, after that little display, you can understand why we did? Think about it. Emmett and I" _she stood in one fluid movement and pulled my oldest friend up after her _"are gonna go for a walk down the beach and maybe find ourselves a little coffee shop. You and Alice need to talk" _she put her lips close to my ear so I was the only one able to hear her next words _"have a little faith and trust her, trust yourself Jasper, this will all work out."_

What! Was everyone fucking psychic all of a sudden? She mussed my hair and started walking away with Emmett's arm thrown casually around her shoulders,

"_Baby" _he said _"that was soooooo hot!"_

I snorted, only Emmett!

"_Wait!"_

They both stopped and turned as Alice scooted away from me so that I could struggle to my feet,

"_I'm sorry Bear I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, I didn't mean it man."_

A huge grin split his face and he let out a disbelieving snort,

"_Yeah you did cowboy, you meant it but I get it and it's okay. You're a badass mother fucker and sometimes your 'this we'll defend' Army bullshit just gets the better of you. You'd better fuckin' apologise to Rosie though…"_

"_There was never a question that I wasn't going to" _I kissed her cheek lightly _"I am very sorry for the way I spoke to you Rosalie and __**that**__ I __**do**__ mean."_

She clucked her tongue at me,

"_My friends call me Rose remember Jasper."_

She didn't see my relieved smile as they set off, hand in hand, down the beach.

I turned slowly keeping my eyes downcast because I was afraid. I didn't want to see the accusatory look that must certainly be on her beautifully expressive face. _Coward_ my mind whispered. My gaze travelled, inch by torturous inch, from her bare feet up her shapely calves then flew to her face. Fuck! When had this happened? She had fallen onto her side - the fucking ruptured, battered side - and curled herself into a loose ball. Her arms linked tightly round her knees, knees that she was trying to pull into her chest as she rocked and whimpered. Oh shit the pain must be killing her. Silent tears coursed down her too pale cheeks as she fought for breath. Her sobbing shredded my already tenuous self-control and brought me crashing to my knees, fear pounded through me as relentless as the waves that still pounded against the shoreline. Seeing her like this was ripping me apart. _Dear God make it fucking stop_. I steadied myself using my good arm and tried to manoeuvre her into my lap but her slim body had become stiff and unyielding, as hard as stone. I gritted my teeth, fuck it, if I busted a few stitches then I busted a few stitches. What was a little blood between friends?

"_Alice darlin'?" _I crooned softly "_C'mon baby girl it's okay. I'm here. Can you talk to me? Tell me what you see?"_

I tried to keep my voice subdued, tried to ignore the pain lancing through my shoulder as I used both arms this time to lift her into my embrace. Better. Not necessarily for her but for me as the unsteady pulse that had been thundering in my ears eased to a more regular rhythm. Her muscles began relaxing as she placed a delicate hand directly over my heart, I covered it with one of my own and placed a tender kiss into her hair. I noticed she did that a lot, touched my heart. If only she knew.

"_It's still beating darlin' . I'm right here."_

I felt her start to tremble

"_Why?"_

I was confused. Was she asking me a question or questioning something her vision had shown her? I glanced down and saw the uncertainty and distress in her eyes. Oh crap! This was definitely about me. Time to man the fuck up Whitlock and ask the question.

"_Why what Ali?"_

"_Why would you do that? You promised me." _

Her voice was a breathless whisper and a sense of dread began to settle over me, in our short time together I'd only promised her two things to protect her with my life and…

"_You promised me you'd never leave me" _that'd be it. Never to leave. Impossibly her next words were even softer _"You lied."_

What was I supposed to say to that? How could I possibly defend myself against a future that was still unknown to me but one in which she saw me abandoning her? I couldn't. In a split second I decided to go on the defensive. Yeah I really am that much of an asshole!

"_Well I guess that makes two of us then eh darlin'?"_

"_What d'you mean Jazz I've never lie…"_

I watched as comprehension dawned and she faltered as I raised my eyebrows,

"_You did and you know it. I need to know what happened at the hospital Alice. Did he…did that bastard touch you?"_

"_This here Jazz" _she paused to make sure she had my attention, believe me, she had it _"if we have this conversation you'll leave. Do you really want to do this?"_

Fuck no! I wanted to pick her up in my arms and run as fast and as far as I could to take us away from all of this_, all of it_. I wanted to hide her away in a cave in the middle of nowhere so that no one and nothing would get close enough to hurt her again. But if she thought it was bad enough to make me leave then I needed to know. I didn't _want_ to, I _needed_ to. Trust in her Rose had said, trust in myself. I held her tightly hoping I wasn't hurting her ribs, as I spoke I heard how thick my voice had become with my Southern drawl,

"_I have to darlin' but, an' you gotta listen to me now okay? I. Ain't. Leavin'. I love you an' nothin' you say is gonna change that."_

She shook her head sadly in resignation,

"_If that's what you want Jasper."_

This was what I wanted right? To know the truth. No secrets. I couldn't make myself say it again and prayed that Alice would take my silence as an indication that I wanted her to carry on,

"_J…J…he came to see me the afternoon of your surgery" _I hissed in anger but she continued regardless as I reminded myself that I'd asked for this _"I was so scared Jasper" _she threaded her fingers through mine, they felt bitterly cold in the strong light of the summer sun _"the way he looked at me" _she shuddered_ "I don't think that even my mom looked at me with that much hate after Bella. I thought that he might be willing to let me leave but I don't think he's going to, not ever. I think…I think perhaps I should warn Edward. What do I do if he goes after him and Esme? What about Rene?"_

Her thoughts were chaotic, emotions all over the place

"_He won't hurt them Alice. I won't let him."_

"_That's what I'm afraid of!"_

"_Wha…"_

She raised her free fingers unconsciously to her lips and rubbed them lightly over a set of small scabs, I tensed,

"_He kissed me." _

I couldn't contain the fierce snarl that burst from my throat, I was going to fuckin' kill him. No warnings. No intimidation. No threats. No. Fuckin'. More. This sick son of a bitch was mine. I gritted my teeth until my jaw ached and said in a low voice,

"_Darlin' I'm gonna ask you this once. Did. He. Hurt. You?"_

She touched the same spot on her mouth and I felt sick as I whispered,

"_He did that didn't he?"_

She didn't want to answer but then again she didn't have to because I just _knew_. In that minute I was so attuned to her it was as though I could feel exactly what she was feeling and it wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.

"_I tried to get away from him Jazz but he…he…he bit me and the blood, it seemed to turn…to turn him…"_

That's it I was done. I couldn't hear any more. Mentally I was shutting down, physically I was having a hard time holding it together. Enough was enough. One more question and this was finished. For her at least. I needed to speak to Emmett and then I would be ending it. For good.

"_Why the fuck did you keep this from me?"_

I spoke quietly but I couldn't stop the censure from creeping into my tone,

"_What could you have done Jazz? You were unconscious. You. Weren't. There!"_

I caught the hint of her desperation. What the hell? Was she blaming me for not protecting her from him when I was in the hospital?

"_Emmett arrived before things got…before he did…Em threatened J…him and he left. That's it. That's all that happened. We thought it would be better if you didn't know. You got so angry that night at the fair I really thought you were going to kill someone" _oh I was, _trust me_, I was _"and I was scared of what you might do. I don't want to lose you Jazz. I'm sorry."_

She tilted her head as I stared at her and I felt myself drowning in the sorrow that pooled in her eyes. Grief that _I_ was responsible for putting there. Misery that _I_ was going to ensure never touched her life again. I rested my forehead against hers my gaze never wavering, my look intense as I glanced down at her, just watching. With gentle fingers I lifted her chin and let my tongue slide out to moisten my lips and felt her heartbeat quicken in response. I dipped my head

allowing my eyes to drift closed and softly, subtly I brushed my lips across hers. I grazed them across her still ashen cheek and paused, inhaling her scent softly before slowly coming back. A moan escaped me, a sigh of relief and wistful yearning as her mouth opened under mine.

"_Oh for God's sake you two get a room!"_

Emmett's loud voice exploded into the vacuum we'd created and we broke apart laughing. Uncertainty lingered in his expression, plain for everyone to see,

"_So" _he paused, very un-Emmett like _"are we all good?"_

Alice titled her head towards me letting me know it was my decision,

"_Yeah Bear, we're good. Although" _I saw his shoulders tense _"I think you should tell me exactly what you said to scare off this James asshole!"_


	36. Chapter 36

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**OK so just to let you know that Alice is going to lose it a little bit in this chapter, I hope that I've not made it too confusing. I've read it through a couple of (hundred) times and I 'get it' but then again it's my story! If you're not sure, send me a PM and I'll answer any questions. Anyway see what you think… **

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Six: Nothing's Ever What It Seems_

_Alice's Point of View_

I knew that Jasper was trying to lighten the mood, ease the tension but I couldn't sit around and listen to them joke about what had happened with _him_, I just couldn't.

"_I need to stretch my legs."_

No sooner had I spoken than I felt Jasper's hold tighten reflexively around my waist and I winced with pain.

"_Don't go too far darlin'."_

I bit back a sigh. I understood he was worried for me but we were on a beach with families and couples dotted all over the place, he _had_ to know I was safe here and I needed to be on my own for a little while. I wasn't sure I could hold it together if I didn't get some space.

"_Jazz" _he held up his hands, a rueful smile tugging at his lips _"I know. I know. Just at least stay where I can see you. Please?" _his voice dropped _"For me?"_

I pressed a shaky kiss against his neck letting my mouth linger over his pulse point until I was rewarded with a shiver and he yelled,

"_Bear? Come get this wanton witch off me will ya before I do somethin' y'all gonna regret!"_

I gritted my teeth until I felt a knot of pain in my jaw, no one need know that my heart was breaking as I faked a squeal of protest at Emmett swaggering towards me, arms outstretched, fingers wiggling. Jasper snagged my hand and whispered,

"_Please Alice?"_

I turned away I didn't want to see the tenderness in his expression, the love in his eyes as he silently begged me to take care. He was going to leave me and I had only just found him again. Suddenly the simple act of breathing was causing me pain, talking was causing me pain, I felt as though I were trying to wade through quicksand that was pulling me steadily under and I was perilously close to suffocating. Somehow I managed to nod and he relaxed against me as beefy hands settled under my arms lifting me carefully and easily from Jasper's lap,

"_Damn gypsy girl! You need to get something hot inside you more often" _he bit his lips to keep from laughing _"I'd offer but…" _damn pervert _"I can't cook! You're as light as a feather seriously."_

I smacked his arm playfully as Rose punched more forcefully causing him to roll his eyes and groan in mock ecstasy

"_Oh yeah babies do it to me. Harder Rosie! C'mon is that all you've got…"_

I started wandering slowly away, not even able to giggle at the inane silliness that was Emmett, until I felt a light touch on my shoulder,

"_Would you like company Alice?"_

Her expression was carefully bland but I could see the concern shimmering just under the surface apparently I hadn't fooled everyone,

"_I'm fine Rose but thank you. I just need a few minutes, y'know?"_

"_Yeah I get it. Don't be too long okay?"_

I didn't bother with my flip-flops as I made my way across the warm sand trying instead to lose myself in the sensation of the grains sliding beneath my feet and squeezing between my toes. I shaded my eyes against the glare from the balmy sun and spotted an out-cropping of rocks not too much further down the beach, perfect.

I leaned back cautiously until I felt the cool, smooth surface of stone against my back and then I closed my eyes content to listen to the tranquil sounds of the sea - the crashing of the waves as they perpetually rushed to shore, the slight slapping of the water around my feet - letting it lull me as the vision replayed itself in my head

_He waits. He watches. He knows that once I have taken the pain medication it will not be long before I am unable to resist the lure of sleep and though I try desperately to stay awake, knowing that something is wrong, it is a fight I am destined to lose. As my eyes flutter closed he tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. It is an insignificant gesture yet a poignant one and there is a brief flash of regret in his features but it is just that, brief and then it is gone replaced by a look of nothing. There is no light in his eyes. There is no animation in his face. There is… nothing. He reaches down and removes a black bag from under the bed. It is already packed. He hesitates again and starts to reach for me but pulls his hand away before he touches me. He speaks. Ten words. The ten words that will end my life. "I'm sorry but I have to go. I love you." He picks up the bag and he leaves. He walks to the front of the building. There is a motorbike. Big. Black. Fast. He straps the bag to the bike pulls on a black crash helmet and fades into the night like a wraith, a spectre become one with the darkness and the shadows, clothed head to tail in black. He straddles the bike, turns the key and kicks the huge machine to life. Its roar fills the quiet street. He looks up to our apartment window his face hidden by the visor. He rides away and does not look back again."_

I heard the sweet laughter of children playing, smelt the tang of salt in the air as the pictures finally ran their course. I was no longer standing. My legs had apparently buckled underneath me and now I sat, impervious, in a shallow puddle of cold sea water that fizzed and bubbled around me. I could feel the pain in my side flaring every time I fought to pull air into my lungs and knew there were fresh tears dampening my cheeks but I couldn't make myself care. I wanted to scream my wrath to the heavens, rage against the unfairness of life but I did none of that. Instead I retreated inside myself and sat cocooned in silence staring at the sun as it sewed a tapestry of colours across the sea and shadows moved across the land creeping their way into my very essence.

"_Alice! ALICE? Goddamn it where the fuck is she? ALICE?"_

I was vaguely aware of distant voices calling a name. Was it mine? Is that what caused the sudden jolt of recognition? Was I supposed to answer? The disinterested shell that sheathed my mind - what was it called - oh yeah, my body, my body might have shrugged then again it might not have. It was nice being back here, familiar. I remembered coming here before, after… after what? Everything was hazy, vague as if I was trying to think through a fog. Bella! That's right, I came here for a while after I lost Bella. Lost. What an odd phrase. If I'd lost her that meant I could still find her didn't it? Like when you lost a dog and you went to the Dog Pound. No I couldn't do that because I hadn't just lost her, she'd died. She'd left me too. For real. I'd walled myself away then as well.

"_Fuck it Bear I knew it. What if he followed her? What if he's grabbed her? Goddamn it I can't do this! Where the hell is she?"_

"_Cowboy."_

The voice was soft, brushing lightly across my senses.

"_Cowboy she's here. NO! Don't rush her" _sharper now, filled with concern "_something's happened. Something's not right. Take it easy."_

Who was the voice speaking to? Did I know who it belonged to? My body flinched as hot fingers came in contact with my chilled skin,

"_Jesus H Christ didn't you hear me? Reel it in Jazz and calm the fuck down. She's not…Something's not…C'mon let's see if we can get her out of the water without her freaking out. She's soaked."_

The deep voice sounded sad, scared and I wrinkled my brow wondering why. It was very close I could feel warmth fanning me as he spoke. He? It was a man talking.

"_I know that look cowboy. I've seen you traumatised more times than I want to think about and I know that fuckin' look."_

"_Emmett!"_

A name spoken pointedly. These ears, my ears knew _that_ _voice_ and something within me stirred. I remembered hearing _that voice _thickened with passion, filled with pain, alive with love and hope,

"_Em' don't. She's reacting. She can hear you, us."_

"_Alice sweetheart?"_

Alice. That was me right? My name?

"_Honey it's Emmett. I'm just gonna pick you up okay? You must have slipped."_

What was that sound? Low and possessive like a dog growling over a bone.

"_For fucks sake cowboy give it a rest. You're in no condition to do this so get the hell outta the way!"_

My body felt weightless as though I were floating on air and then I was being held, cradled like a child, safe in capable arms. I felt myself gradually returning from my self-imposed exile and as my eyes regained their focus I looked in awe at a sky ablaze with colour, fiery oranges and searing reds but that was nothing compared to the beauty of the man who was feverishly running his hands over the length of my body with impatient fingers,

"_Jasper." _

His touch was nimble and he was so totally consumed by what he was doing that he hadn't even heard me say his name.

"_Jasper."_

His head jerked up and a look of apprehension flew across his perfect features before giving way to relief as his shoulders slumped and he mumbled

"_Thank God."_

Emmett stopped walking and set me gently back on my feet staying close to my side incase I stumbled. I could see his eyes burning with curiosity whereas Jasper just looked wary and so, so tired. I reached up and cupped my hand to his cheek,

"_I'm sorry Jazz" _he nodded wearily _"I didn't mean to scare you."_

He leaned towards him, slowly but surely, never taking his gaze from mine

"_I know darlin' but you did. I thought he'd…I thought that bastard had…"_

He tried to smile to mask what he was feeling but it was more of a grimace and it hid nothing, not from me. I could read everything there in his eyes and even though he looked away he wasn't quick enough to hide his suffering.

"_Erm hellooooooo! Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?"_

"_I'm sorry Emmett I shouldn't have wandered off where you guys couldn't see me. I sometimes come over faint when my blood sugar drops usually I know it's happening but not all the time. I guess when I laid back on that rock I dozed off and it must of happened then. I'm really sorry. I hope I haven't ruined your day?"_

I knew I was rambling. Jasper knew I was rambling. Emmett knew I was full of shit. He looked at me incredulously silently asking if I really thought he looked dumb enough to accept that but he didn't call me on a thing, he just gave me a tight grin and jerked his head in the direction of the jeep,

"_Nah you didn't spoil anyone's day gypsy girl we were getting ready to head back anyway." _Yeah right they were! _"Look I'm gonna go help Rosie pack the rest of the stuff, you guys erm take your time."_

As soon as Emmett had loped out of sight Jasper crushed me against his chest with his good arm,

"_Jesus fuckin' Christ Ali what happened to you? And don't even think of tryin' to feed me that bullshit you just gave Emmett which, incase you were wonderin', he didn't swallow for a second."_

"_I don't know if I…Jasper I…"_

"_Take your time darlin' we've been over this, I ain't goin' anywhere."_

And there it was. **The** problem. Because he _was_ going somewhere, somewhere away from me. Sometime in the not too distant future he was going to be packing his black bag and riding off into the blackness of the night on his fucking black bike.

"_It's to do with the vision right?"_

Damn! I hadn't expected him to be that perceptive

"_Jazz can we not do this? I just…I can't go into it here it's…it's too complicated."_

"_Alright" _I offered up a silent prayer of thanks _"we need to get you home and out of those wet clothes anyway" _I tried not to notice how his eyes darkened when he said that _"but once we get you sorted, you're explainin' this to me right?"_

I didn't have the energy to argue.


	37. Chapter 37

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you for all your kind words for my 'flapping' over the previous chapter, it seems I didn't have to worry after all and you all understood where Alice was coming from *whew*. A quick "thank you" to all the new readers who have added me to their Alerts, I hope you're enjoying it. And guess what? The story has made it to 100 reviews. YAY! So that's another 'thank you' to everyone who has taken the time to review. OK, on we go - Jasper's take on events, the usual warnings apply.**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Seven: Finding Alice_

_Jaspers Point of View_

Emmett laughed boisterously for Rosalie's benefit as he gave his account of what he'd said to James but I could see the coldness in his eyes. He'd quickly become attached to his little _'gypsy girl' _and he'd meant every single fucking word. I was actually surprised James had made it out of the hospital still in one piece. Emmett was a wall of solid muscle and could be a mean son of a bitch when he wanted to be despite outward appearances to the contrary. As he related what had happened my throat began tighten and I was finding it increasingly difficult to swallow. Dread settled, an oppressive weight across my shoulders, a queasy sensation in my gut. Where the fuck was she? I gnawed at a tiny piece of loose skin on my thumb before thrusting my fingers absently through my hair, Emmett caught my agitated movements and interpreted them immediately. He gave me a small smile,

"_C'mon cowboy let's go find your girl."_

I looked sheepishly at Rosalie who had her nose firmly tucked away in the pages of some fashion magazine,

"_I'm sorry Rose I…"_

Raising one elegant eyebrow in a look of genuine surprise she laughed off my apology,

"_I can't believe it's taken you this long the way you've been chewing at your nails. I was worried at first that we hadn't packed enough for you to eat then I realised that Alice had been away from your side for…ooooo…what? Twenty minutes. Now go. Seek. Find."_

She returned to her reading, snorting with displeasure over something or someone, with Rosalie you could never tell and most times, I'd already learnt, it was better not to ask!

As my eyes roved the beach frantically in all directions I cursed myself over and over. I'd taken my eyes off her sexy ass for all of five minutes and she'd disappeared. Gone. Fuck! Emmett punched me lightly on the arm, without realising it I'd spoken aloud,

"_She won't have gone far Jazz. Relax man we'll find her in a minute."_

I swallowed thickly willing myself to calm down but if Emmett was right why did I still have the jitters? I shook my head, no something was very wrong. She was alone and she was scared. I could feel it.

"_Fuck it Bear I knew it. What if he followed her? What if he's grabbed her? Goddamn it I can't do this! Where the hell is she?"_

I glared with irrational anger at the families scattered around on the golden sand, they sat and laughed, playing, enjoying each others company totally oblivious to the murderous rage that was growing exponentially with my inability to find Alice.

"_Cowboy."_

Emmett was only a few paces ahead and his voice, laced thickly with concern, fell back to me easily,

"_Cowboy she's here. NO! Don't rush her. Something's happened. Something's not right. Take it easy."_

I barrelled passed him grabbing for her. I needed to assuage the guilt that had held me tightly in its embrace for the last few minutes and the only way I could do that was to haul her into my arms and have her tell me that this was okay, that she was alright, that _we_ were alright. I was so far gone I hadn't even seen her body recoil away from my touch. Emmett had. He'd missed nothing,

"_Jesus H Christ didn't you hear me? Reel it in Jazz and calm the fuck down. She's not… Something's not… C'mon let's see if we can get her out of the water without her freaking out. She's soaked."_

He knocked my hand away and I bit back a curse because I was seeing her properly now, seeing the same thing Emmett was and it scared the fucking daylight out of me,

"_I know that look cowboy. I've seen you traumatised more times than I want to think about and I know that fuckin' look."_

I knew it too, I'd been haunted by it every time I looked in the mirror for longer than I cared to remember.

"_Emmett!"_

As I said his name I saw an almost imperceptible movement of her head as though she were turning to the direction of our voices. Whatever had happened and something _had_ happened she was still aware…in some capacity,

"_Em' don't. She's reacting. She can hear you, us."_

My palms were sweating and I rubbed them ineffectively against my jeans.

"_Alice sweetheart? Honey it's Emmett. I'm just gonna pick you up okay? You must have slipped."_

Son of a bitch! What in God's name was he thinking by touching her? A deep, inhuman sound echoed from somewhere within me and my eyes blazed with the heat of my anger. Emmett's temper met mine head on,

"_For fucks sake cowboy give it a rest. You're in no condition to do it so get the hell outta the way!"_

Stunned into silence I could only watch as he lifted her easily from the small pool of sea water she'd been sitting in and began to stride carefully over the sand. Trying my damnedest to keep my touch brisk and impersonal as we moved I felt over her body for wounds trying not to linger over the curve of her neck, the swell of her breast, this was not the brush of a lovers' hands against the silken skin of the woman he cherished this was… this was….

"_Jasper." _

My head shot up and I quickly schooled my face to a calm mask, hoping she hadn't noticed my unease. Her faint voice was tempered with impatience, had I been so absorbed in my task that she'd been speaking to me and I hadn't heard her? More to the point did I really give a fuck so long as she was awake? I felt my shoulders sag with relief as I realised her smoky eyes were not only open but that they were fixed on me. Even like this she dazzled me.

"_Thank God."_

Emmett smoothly settled Alice back on her feet, his big hands hovering at her sides ready to steady or catch her if she wavered. A natural protector. I saw the questions he wanted to ask but knew he wouldn't, he was a seasoned professional at this, he'd been dealing with me long enough to know when to leave shit the hell alone. I scrubbed my fingers awkwardly through my hair, I was exhausted, my mind still plaguing me with what could have happened and then I felt her touch. She rested a petite hand lightly against my face and the trembling, the tiny shudders that had been wracking my body since Emmett had first seen her - sitting still and deathly pale in the water - stopped. That brief connection was all it took for her to calm me.

"_I'm sorry Jazz I didn't mean to scare you."_

I nodded and knew my body was swaying unwittingly closer to hers, the way it always did when we were together and I was powerless to stop it,

"_I know darlin' but you did. I thought he'd… I thought that bastard had.…"_

Bleak. Hollow. Despondent. Images, snap-shots of her ruined body swirled in my head as my stomach churned. I twisted a lock of her hair around my finger and as the sun played across the fine strands I noticed that they were so black as to look almost blue. Abstract thoughts. Ramblings. Because I was hoping against hope that she hadn't seen all that reflected in my eyes. I tried to smile,

"_Erm hellooooooo! Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?"_

I caught Emmett's astute look over the top of Alice's head, he knew I was having a problem dealing the situation and he was stepping into the mix to save my ass… yet again. I inclined my head just a touch so that he knew I appreciated the gesture.

"_I'm sorry Emmett" _Alice's sing-song voice was just a little too shrill, her words just a little too fast _"I shouldn't have wandered off where you guys couldn't see me. I sometimes come over faint when my blood sugar drops usually I know it's happening but not all the time. I guess when I laid back on that rock I dozed off and it must of happened then. I'm really sorry. I hope I haven't ruined your day?"_

That was her explanation? Really? I could read the disbelief plainly on Emmett's face and I knew that she hadn't fooled him anymore than she had me. He was just prepared to let it go. Me? Not so fuckin' much!

"_Nah you didn't spoil anyone's day gypsy girl we were getting ready to head back anyway. Look I'm gonna go help Rosie pack the rest of the stuff, you guys erm take your time."_

Once Emmett was out of hearing distance I enfolded Alice into my arms, holding her tightly to my chest. I wanted her to feel my still hammering heart and know what she'd put me through,

"_Jesus fuckin' Christ Ali what happened to you? And don't even think of tryin' to feed me that bullshit you just gave Emmett which, incase you were wonderin', he didn't swallow for a second."_

She tensed and tried to pull back but that wasn't happening, not in this lifetime. I tugged her even nearer confining her against my larger body using my size to imprison her not even close to caring that I was invading her personal space,

"_I don't know if I… Jasper I…."_

I sighed. How could someone who took so much on faith, who believed we shared a destiny years before she knew I truly existed outside of her dreams, not believe that I would never leave her? She trusted me with so much but she couldn't trust _in_ me.

"_Take your time darlin' we've been over this, I ain't goin' anywhere." _

As I said those words it hit me. Jesus I could be slow sometimes. Alice couldn't let herself trust me because of that damn vision. With all the shit that had happened it'd gone right out of my head but now it came crashing back with the velocity of a freight train. How desolate she'd looked, how broken. Her voice was laced with torment even now,

"_Jazz can we not do this? I just… I can't go into it here it's… it's too complicated."_

"_Alright" _I agreed grudgingly _"we need to get you home and out of those wet clothes anyway but once we get you sorted, you're explainin' this to me right?"_

She didn't say anything as I slowly released her catching one hand at the last second and threading her fingers through mine we walked in contemplative silence back to Emmett and Rose.

The suns glowing rays were still dancing merrily across the waves forming out at sea as sand fairies flitted over the beach, the gentle breeze stirring them to life and keeping them dancing in my field of vision. It should have been perfect but because of our fucked up lives it wasn't. It was just another hot day. Rosalie was sitting on the hood of the jeep with a bottle of water in one hand and two medication bottles in the other, her bare feet were swinging back and forth landing with a rhythmic thud against the polished metal. I looked at Emmett in awe and he had the good grace to look abashed,

"_What could I do man it's too hot to sit inside and I didn't want her sitting on the damn floor!"_

Rosalie coughed drawing our attention to her and she shook all the bottles she was holding with mock severity,

"_Drugs dude and dudette! It's pill poppin' time people. You two need to start following the doctor's orders or you'll end up right back at the hospital. Jasper" _she threw me the water before deftly unscrewing a white plastic cap and palming two tablets _"these are for you and Alice sweetie" _she passed my bottle and lid to Emmett to close and opened Alice's _"these two little beauties are for you."_

"_Jeez mom do we get a piece of candy for bein' good?"_

I whined sarcastically but one glance from Rosalie and I took the damn pills before yanking open the door and climbing ineptly onto the back seat of the jeep as soon as I was done I passed the water to Alice. When she'd swallowed her meds Emmett helped Alice up trying to jostle her as little as possible to save her from hurting her ribs and then climbed in the drivers seat.

"_Music alright for everyone?"_

Without actually waiting for an answer Emmett started fiddling with the stereo that he'd recently installed in the truck, there were far too many lights and buttons for my taste but he liked it and he said that his _baby_ liked it so I guess that was all that mattered. The soft strains of _She Will Be Loved _by Maroon 5 filled the jeep and through half-closed eyes I watched Alice until, in a repeat of our first journey together in the back of Emmett's _baby_, her eyes drifted slowly shut and she fell asleep.

"_How you doing cowboy? _Emmett asked with undisguised curiosity. _"She tell you anything?"_

I leaned my head back and ground my teeth in frustration, ignoring his first question I answered his second,

"_Nope. Not a fuckin' word. But she's gonna tell me when we get back!"_

Rosalie half turned, curling both legs under her on the seat she rested her chin on one tastefully manicured hand, I wasn't sure Emmett's _baby_ would ever recover from the indignity - bare feet, actual human flesh on _her_ seats,

"_Go easy on Alice Jasper. Something's bothering her and we can all see how upset she is. Don't push it. Let her come to you in her own time, something tells me it'll be better that way…for both of you."_

I didn't know what to say, how to respond because it wasn't my place to tell Alice's story so giving Rose a small smile hoping she knew I wasn't dismissing her out of hand I stared blankly out of the window seeing nothing.


	38. Chapter 38

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Are we all ready? Glass of wine in hand (or Baileys, I'm not fussy) and no kids around? Well okay then. Here you are… some Jasper and Alice lovin' after the battering I've been giving them it was only fair. And yes, I blushed my way through writing this as badly as I blushed the first time but think I've done a better job. A huge, huge shout of thanks to Jasper's Sex Kitten who sorted this out for me and made it make sense. Thanks Barbie xx So without further ado…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Eight: Sweet Surrender _

_Jaspers Point of View_

I pushed open the door to the apartment and Emmett strode quickly to my room nudging that door with his hip. Once inside he laid Alice gently down in the middle of the bed pulling the comforter to drape over her still sleeping form. He stood there silently for a few moments, never taking his eyes off of her he suddenly whispered

"_She's been through some shit huh Jazz?"_

I mumbled a quiet yes, wondering where this was heading,

"_Treat her right cowboy. Hurt her and you'll have me to answer to. I mean it."_

Only mildly amused by his blunt honesty I followed partway as he walked back out to Rosalie only stopping to shut my door and click the lock soundlessly in place before grimacing as I banged my head weakly but repeatedly against the wood. Fuck I needed a drink, a proper 'strip the wallpaper from the walls' shot of something, one that made me splutter, gasp and wheeze but I knew I had two chances of that with Emmett around… slim and none!

"_What's wrong Jazz?"_

I spun round in surprise at her quietly spoken question. Damn! I hadn't meant to wake her up.

"_Hey darlin'! Sorry if I woke you. You need me to go get y'anythin'?"_

She hesitated patting the edge of the bed staring at me through hooded eyes and whispered,

"_Just you Jasper. I only need you."_

My body stirred to life under her brazen appraisal as I flopped down next to her but I fought it - _real_ hard - we had things to talk about. Putting all my weight on my good side, feeling soothed just by being closer to her, I realised the craving for alcohol had been replaced by a different thirst…a longing for her, one addiction for another. Damn it Whitlock. Focus.

"_So Ali?"_

"_Sew with a needle and thread Jasper!"_

I tipped my head so I could stare directly into her eyes, raising a questioning brow,

"_Really? This shit is serious darlin' and you're usin' lines like __**that**__ on me?"_

Her lips quirked briefly but then she pressed them into a thin line before looking away, fingers playing with the covers. She was nervous, I could feel it and something akin to panic fluttered in my chest. I lifted her chin, kissing her gently on the tip of her nose,

"_C'mon" _I bumped her with my forearm _"how bad can it be?"_

Her demeanour changed with all the speed of a flash-flood and her face contorted in anger nostrils flaring, eyes glaring a warning as she snarled,

"_How dare you? How. Fucking well. Dare. You?"_

Her hands had closed into fists and she leaned forward, trying to provoke my reaction,

"_You son of a bitch! You cut me off at the knees when I ask you to tell me what happened at the… at the… with J… J… to tell me what happened but you expect me to spill my guts every time you give the order…"_

I sighed heavily. I knew the game she was trying to play and I understood the rules. Shit I'd invented the damn rules. Ask Emmett. Because of me he was a past master at getting round the art of deflection, seeing through the bullshit I blustered when I didn't want to answer a simple question and this lil' lady was deflecting big time. My arm slashed through the air and I snapped at her,

"_How dare I? Listen to yourself. Jesus fuckin' Christ Ali just listen. You need to talk about this. You can't even say __**his**__ name can you? Well not when you're awake anyway! You're not the only one who's sleep gets disturbed darlin' and in your dreams the name that you scream? It ain't mine!"_

I caught her wrist easily as she brought her hand up to slap me, grasped her other one when she tried again. I kept my voice level, grave but there was a no mistaking the warning in my tone,

"_Don't. Don't try that again darlin'."_

She hissed and spat like a cornered alley cat and I smiled grimly - the nickname suited her - as she tried to wrest herself free and attack me with her sharp claws. As I hauled her hard against my chest and punished her with a bruising kiss I saw her eyes gleam triumphantly and realised my mistake. This was what she'd wanted all along, from the second she looked up at me from the bed _this_ had been her intention, to use sex as her weapon of choice to keep me from prying loose her secrets. I wasn't mad, I wasn't even surprised, we all needed to work with what we had when we were trying to protect ourselves and she clearly didn't want to talk. I understood that better than most and I knew I wasn't strong enough to fight her. I heard that aggravating voice in my head snort in derision, hell, who was I kidding? I had more than enough ammunition of my own if I really wanted to make a battle out of this but I didn't what I _wanted_ was to surrender to her. Completely. Roughly she pushed me back and I watched, fascinated, as her tongue darted out angrily to moisten her lips. She leaned over me resting her knees on either side of my hips, her hands either side of my head. Her slender body hovered enticingly over mine, close and yet not quite close enough. I could feel her heartbeat racing, her temperature rising, feel her ragged breathing matching mine becoming more strained, more laboured. I was aching with need when finally she moved, lifting her tiny hands to swirl fervent patterns across my chest over the cotton of my t-shirt. Fuck but I wanted to feel her fingers on me, skin against skin, no barriers between us. Her injuries wouldn't let her do what she wanted and I saw her brow furrow in consternation,

"_Tell me what you want darlin' " _I drawled thickly _"what d'you need me to do?"_She slid sideways off of me and I bit back a groan of disappointment at the loss of contact until she grabbed the pillows from behind us and positioned them under my torso, raising my body to hers. I shuddered with anticipation as she settled herself back across my lap brushing tantalisingly close to my erection, shifting forward nuzzling her full lips to the hollow of my throat. I closed my eyes against the myriad of sensations that were assaulting me. Breathing deeply to catch the scent of her sun-kissed skin I skimmed my fingers lightly up her arms and across her shoulders, down her ribcage and over the sides of her breasts smiling to myself as I heard her swallow noisily. Her lips parted and leaning on my good side I pushed up on my elbow, moving closer to her until we joined in a soul-searing kiss. Her tongue slipped quickly into my mouth teasing, seducing, mating with mine and a satisfied sound rumbled low in my throat. I could feel her hunger, her desperation as her hands fell to my waist and pulled the material of my top away from my jeans and slid underneath. Her agile fingers worked their way through the dusting of hair on my belly up my chest until she reached my nipples, toying with them, teasing them until they pebbled beneath her touch. Shivering, not bothering to hide my moans she responded by grinding her hips roughly against mine and I watched her expressive eyes change colour smouldering with a need that rivalled my own. My lips slid from hers plastering hot kisses first in the crook of her neck before continuing slowly, seductively to nestle in the valley between her breasts. Her fingers threaded into my hair tugging me nearer not hard enough to hurt but with enough force to let me know this was where she wanted me, I _had_ to taste her creamy flesh and so ordered gruffly,

"_Off! Your top. Take. It. Off."_

She tugged at it with abandon but I saw the pain darkening her eyes and cursed, the angle was all wrong and she was putting pressure on her injured ribs. I pushed her hands away gently, replacing them with my own, getting a firm grasp of the material as I wadded it in my fists and pulled. I grinned dangerously as the jagged sound of tearing cotton filled the room but fumbled the catch on her sheer lace bra. Jesus she made me feel like a horny, floundering teenager. My heart pounded as though it were trying to break free of my chest as I stared in wonder… again… at the perfection that was Alice. Her nipples hardened under my intense scrutiny and hungrily I took one in my mouth sucking and biting,

"_Jasper!"_

Her astonished cry caused me to grin arrogantly against her and as her head fell back she arched even closer groaning loudly, digging her nails into my scalp. I murmured into her skin,

"_Talk to me darlin' , tell me what you want. I need you to tell me…."_

Shamelessly she rocked her pelvis watching my reaction closely, the merest hint of a wanton smile playing across her swollen lips.

"_Hellfire woman!"_

"_Off Jazz! Your top. Take. It. Off."_

As she spoke my breath hitched she was throwing my own words back at me and it sent my blood speeding south of the border stiffening the part of me that wanted her the most. Meekly I complied, gritting my teeth as the stitches in my shoulder tugged and then forgetting all about them as I heard her possessive growl because that shit right there was one hell of a fuckin' turn on! She curled her fingers slightly and scratched down my chest, marking me, claiming her territory,

"_I want…." _

"_Tell me," _I begged. _"Tell me."_

I felt her nails tracing my scars following the trail they made down my body, the pressure she was exerting increasing the nearer she came to my midriff. This time I stopped breathing altogether as her hand swept lower rubbing hard, creating a delicious friction but it wasn't enough, until I was buried deep within her warmth it would never be enough.

"_I want to taste you Jasper." _

Her voice was small, reserved but I heard her and my body reacted instinctively to her whispered desire tightening further as she moved from straddling my hips to sitting across my knees. I watched as her dainty features screwed up into a look of concentration, watched her hands trembling as they popped the buttons on my jeans. She raised her eyes to mine, brimming with passion and excitement and an unanswered question, I answered it by simply lifting my hips from the bed and allowing her to shimmy the denim down my thighs. She stood, her movements slow and graceful and went to the foot of the bed, bending as far as her abused side would allow she pulled off my boots and my socks letting them land wherever they fell. She yanked off my jeans then discarded her own just as quickly dumping both pairs unceremoniously on the floor.

"_C'mere sugar."_

I crooked a finger at her but she shook her head, settling herself to lay by my side instead resting her head against my hip her hair tickling my stomach. Tentatively she reached out to take me in hand and my whole body jumped as though I had been hit by a volt of electricity and she gave a throaty chuckle. _Wench! _Unhurriedly she ran her tongue just above the waistband of my boxers and I pushed myself back up onto my elbows wanting to close my eyes against my own responses yet needing to keep them open to watch what she was doing.

"_I think…."_

I yelped in surprise as she bit down on my tender flesh.

"_You think too much. Get 'em off Jazz. Now!" _She hissed.

"_Yes ma'am," _I gave her a mock salute before removing my underwear leaving myself naked and aroused before her.

She regarded me from underneath her thick lashes and when she licked her lips it was almost my undoing. Almost. Suddenly she enclosed me with her fingers and stroked my length softly once then again before taking me in her mouth, using her tongue to tease my underside and grazing me lightly with her teeth. _Fuck! Where the hell had she learnt to do that in just a few days? _Moreimportantly at that precise moment did I really give a damn? _Hell no! _For what seemed like an eternity she held my gaze as she worked her magic and I started panting fighting against the urge to thrust deeply into her mouth.

"_Darlin' you need to stop that. Stop! Right now!"_

My voice came out an agonised sigh and I felt beads of sweat break out across my forehead as I struggled to retain control and thankfully she took pity on me and released me gradually inch by tortuous inch. Before I knew it she was astride me again and I pushed myself all the way up to claim her in a punishing kiss. Supporting my weight on my good arm I hooked the fingers of my other hand through the delicate material of her panties and with a quick twist they went the same way as her t-shirt. She grumbled against my mouth and I responded by deepening the kiss, letting my tongue glide smoothly over hers as we mirrored the thrust and retreat of our bodies moving against one another.

In one fluid motion she raised her hips and slammed herself down on me and there was no way in hell that I could prevent the profanities that fell from between my gritted teeth any more than I could stop the guttural moan that wrenched free from my chest. My senses went into overdrive - I could smell her arousal, taste her on my mouth, feel her muscles clenching around me - this was never going to last, neither of us able to summon the strength of will to hold back and enjoy a long, lazy ride. No this was meant to be hard and fast, wild and unrestrained, there would be time for making love later, right now we needed to fuck, pure and simple, each of us using the other to try and exorcise our own demons in the only way we could - taking ourselves beyond the ability of coherent thought. She broke the kiss to arch her back impaling herself fully along my rigid length, I used my free hand to support her spine as she lifted herself free of me once more before thrusting back in place rolling her hips in tight circles. She cried out as the angle of penetration hit her sweetest of spots and it was then that I moved my hand between our bodies to part her damp curls and stroke rapidly at her bundle of nerves. Using my shoulders for leverage she pulled up and whimpered as I rose to meet her pounding ruthlessly, restraint forgotten as she matched me thrust for thrust. Release came from nowhere crashing into me as I surrendered myself inside of her, letting her consume me heart, body and mind. I felt her come with me, shuddering, her walls contracting as she screamed my name and we fell into a downward spiral together. She pressed her cheek to mine, her breathing still laboured and uneven and twined her fingers through my hair.

"_I love you Jasper Whitlock."_

Her eyes were squeezed closed and she spoke quietly, haltingly and my blood rapidly turned to ice in my veins because it felt for all the world as though she were saying goodbye!


	39. Chapter 39

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Are we all happy bunnies now that Jasper and Alice have had some fun? I hope so because it only goes downhill from here. Oh come on, don't look at me like that, you know the shit is getting ready to hit the fan!**

**Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review and for the new followers out there who have added me to alerts, hellooooooo!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Thirty Nine: Who's Crazy Now? _

_Alice's Point of View_

I didn't think he'd let it go. I'd read it in his stormy eyes - the fact that he knew what I was doing and he knew why - I'd expected him to try and seize back control but he hadn't. He'd let me use him and then he'd let it go.

"_I love you Jasper Whitlock."_

I wove my fingers into his thick mane of wavy hair, pulling him closer wanting to infuse his very essence into every fibre of my being. I shut my eyes against him, against the world and almost choked on the words as I said them, not because I didn't mean them but because they were my way of saying goodbye.

I started shivering as my sweat slicked body began to cool rapidly and suddenly I was mortified not just by my nakedness but by my behaviour.

"_Don't" _his gentle voice whispered and I blinked in surprise, startled out of my reverie _"don't do this."_

"_I…."_

"_I know what you're doin' darlin' and I ain't gonna let you go there."_

He opened his legs and as I slipped awkwardly between them he waited for me to wiggle myself into a comfortable position before pulling the duvet around us both. He sighed wearily,

"_Don't be ashamed of what just happened between us Ali-cat coz I ain't! I was hard the second you said my name and about ready to cum just from the way you looked at me. No one has __**ever**__ made me feel the way that you just did. D'you understand me darlin'? _

I ducked my head trying to hide from his blunt words hoping he'd take it to mean I understood.

"_I sure as hell hope so."_

I knew my cheeks were blazing with embarrassment at his forthrightness but underneath it all I couldn't help feeling a little smug.

"_Ali-cat?" _

"_Mmmmm hmmmm?"_

"_About what just happened?" _

I felt him stiffen as though bracing himself for a blow

"_I lost control darlin'…I didn't hurt you did I?"_

I tried to burrow closer to the warmth radiating from his closeness and smiled to myself, if I really was a cat right about now I'd be purring with contentment.

"_No Jazz. You didn't hurt me."_

As the tension drained from his muscles I relaxed even further my eyes growing heavy with sleep. My last coherent thought was that I'd worry about the other stuff later.

* * *

I floated in a delicious dream-like trance somewhere between the waking and sleeping worlds revelling in the heavenly sensation of goose bumps skittering across my flesh as Jasper's fingertips stroked random, intricate patterns up and down my back.

"_Well good mornin'" _he drawled lazily.

I squinted at him through one eye then groaned trying to bury my head back under the duvet whilst simultaneously wriggling closer to those sinfully wicked fingers.

"_It's morning already?"_

His voice was the merest breath against my skin as he replied sheepishly,

"_No not really but I couldn't sleep and" _he hesitated _"we need, really need to talk."_

My eyes narrowed suspiciously and I couldn't keep the sharpness from seeping into my tone.

"_You woke me up at stupid o'clock because… You. Wanted. To. Talk. Oh_

_pur-lease tell me you didn't?"_

He had the good grace to look abashed.

"_It's not what you think darlin'"._

"_It's not?"_

He paused and as the cover slipped to reveal my still naked body I saw the hunger flare in his eyes. Caught unprepared for the level of yearning he was making no attempt to conceal I spat out,

"_So what? You've got a raging case of 'morning glory' and wanted me to take care of it for you, is that what this is?"_

He choked and splotches of colour, a dull, angry red, stained his cheeks.

"_God no! Fuck! No. Is that what you think of me Alice?"_He looked appalled and immediately I felt guilty for being such a bitch.

"_No Jazz I don't but it's ridiculously early and I'm not awake properly. I'm sorry. Really."_

I stroked the bruise-like shadows under his eyes with concern. They seemed even more prominent in the dim light and he looked tired, worn.

"_Did you get any sleep?"_He shrugged trying to appear nonchalant.

"_No. I mean some. A little. Here," _he picked up a glass of water and a couple of tablets from the nightstand effectively changing the subject _"take your pills darlin' I'll talk, you listen."_

He ran his fingers distractedly through his hair and my heart leapt. I loved this gorgeously flawed man with everything I had. Everything I was. I didn't want him to leave.

"_Okay darlin' it's like this. Emmett and Rosalie were right. You need things, not just clothes but other… other personal things."_

I couldn't help but smile as he squirmed with embarrassment but he ploughed resolutely on

"_Stuff I don't… erm… I'm not… I don't know the things ya… y'know …use! And y'all are a grown woman, ya should be able to go shoppin' without some over-protective asshole tryin' ta stop ya by goin' all caveman… It's… it's… I can't explain!"_

He threw up his hands in despair and frustration caused him to pull at his hair again before I captured his face stilling his jerky movements. I stared intently into eyes that had grown slate gray with the intensity of his feelings.

"_Try." _I stated simply.

"_I know," _he stopped and began again more forcefully _"I __**know**__ that y'all can look after ya-self. I understand that ya been doin' just that for a long time but when I'm here I wanna be the one to take care of ya, to be the one to protect ya. The thought of James" _I balked at the sound of his name _"touching ya" _he paled visibly and I watched him warring with himself trying to keep his temper under control _"I want to tear him limb from limb and then burn the pieces. Even Emmett" _he paused again tangling his fingers back in his unruly hair _"even when Em was foolin' around with you two gals at the beach I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit. Shit I wish I could make ya understand. This is gonna sound so fuckin' lame but sometimes it feels like I'm a sponge soaking up your emotions. It's like when Laurent pulled that gun" _I stiffened _"I could __**feel**__ your fear darlin'. Literally. And it hit me so fuckin' hard that I couldn't stay on ma feet. What I felt nearly crushed me. Oh shit! I'm goin' crazy!"_

I laughed lightly,

"_Hey! I've got the market cornered on crazy here remember?"_

He gave me a faint smile but his voice when he spoke again was low and intense,

"_When you're emotions are strong I," _he paused and drew in a breath _"I. Feel. You. Here." _He touched one finger against his head. _"An' here." _He touched another against his heart. "_An' right about now, that's scarin' me to death."_

I traced my fingers across the many scars criss-crossing his chest and watched his muscles twitch in response as I replayed his words over and over. It was certainly 'out there' but surely, of all people, if anyone could understand what Jasper thought he was feeling it would be me. Twins were believed to share some sort of psychic bond, could we share an empathic one? I guessed it wasn't totally outside the realms of possibility.

"_Say somethin' darlin'" _he begged me through gritted teeth, his words husky and raw _"anythin' would be better than silence right now!"_

I didn't answer, not with words anyway, instead I reached for him allowing my fingers to graze along his cheekbone before pushing an errant lock of hair from his eyes. I slid my arms up around his neck mindful of his heavily bandaged shoulder and pulled his face towards mine rubbing my lips softly against his. He chuckled against my mouth and pulled back whispering,

"_Oh no you don't. Not this time. This time, we finish what we started."_

I moved between his legs intent on finishing _something_ and felt the rumble of satisfaction coming from him until he caught my hands firmly in his,

"_Sweet Jesus I've created a monster!"_

His eyes were twinkling with laughter but I knew he was serious about not letting me distract him this time. I sighed heavily.

"_I don't know what to say Jazz. I have visions for Gods sake it's not like I'm Jean fucking Grey! I can't read your mind. Do I think you 'feel' me? I think __**you**__ believe you do and that's what matters. Do I think you're crazy? Do you think I am?"_

I paused and waited while he vehemently shook his head.

"_Then there's your answer. How can I, with everything that happens to me, possibly think you're crazy? I can't. Simple as that. And as for the other stuff I guess I understand it. Kind of. But you can't always be there to protect me from the bad stuff. You already know that. Life gets in the way and what is it you keep telling me? Shit happens! I love you but I won't be that bird in a gilded cage Jazz not even for you. So thank you for saying that you're prepared to 'let me go' shopping with Rose but Jasper" _I smiled softening the words I was going to say _"I was going whether you liked it or not."_

The rigid set of his jaw told me that he wasn't happy about it but slowly he nodded his understanding and I snuggled down into his embrace. I knew he wasn't done, that he wanted me to tell him about my vision but I yawned loudly willing myself to relax into him. Let him think I was dropping off to sleep again and perhaps I could stave off his curiosity for just a little while longer.

"_Alright sugar you win," _I felt him kiss the top of my head "_go back to sleep the rest can wait 'til the mornin'."_


	40. Chapter 40

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**You know what we're building up to know right? So after a little bit of playful banter with the gang it's going to get pretty intense over the next couple of chapters with Jasper and Emmett. (Christine, stay with me doll you're going to get your answers about the two guys soon, promise!). Remember, rated M for a reason kids and when these two boys let rip they'd make a sailor blush… you have been warned. Go. Read. Enjoy. REVIEW!!!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty: The Answer is No._

_Jasper's Point of View_

The nightmares had woken me… again. I cast a relieved glance over my shoulder at Alice's sleeping form, at least she'd been spared my screaming this time and had slept through, something she rarely seemed to do. Even in slumber I could see how exhausted she was and I cursed myself. She deserved so much more than anything I had to offer yet our two broken souls seemed determined that we were meant to be, that in each other we would find our salvation and that it would be enough heal us both. I prayed to a God I no longer believed in that it was so.

I'd woken her in the early hours because I'd been restless for some time, uneasy from the onslaught of intense emotion I could feel rolling off of her in waves. _And yes, I do know how demented that shit makes me sound! _She had been mumbling unintelligibly the only clear word was _his_ name and somehow I felt her fear like I'd felt it the morning of the shooting, like I'd felt it at the beach. I didn't know _what_ was happening and I sure as hell didn't know _why_ but I was sharing her suffering. Of their own accord my fingers drifted to her soft skin, tickling her gently until she broke the surface of sleep and left the pain behind. When I tried to describe for her my newly acquired _sensitivity_ I could tell she was sceptical but because of her own gift she hadn't dismissed what I told her out of hand. I wanted to make her understand but how did I explain the unexplainable when I didn't know if I truly believed it myself? So I'd taken the cowards way out, again, and I'd let her think her fake yawn had fooled me until her gentle snores became real and she lulled me back to sleep… for a little while.

I stood gazing out of the partially open window, not bothering to dress, taking some comfort from the cool morning breeze that was playing across my heated skin. I never grew tired of watching the breaking dawn, even here, where the days were mainly overcast and raining, the mornings' beauty was still breath-taking. Fingers of bold colour chased away the darkness of the night, rejuvenating the earth, invigorating her with light. Since Alice I had found myself imagining that with the worlds' new beginning could come mine, one where I was free to forget everything that had conspired to make me what I was. One where I too could be born anew.

I peered back at Alice guiltily when I heard her restless movements, heard that son of a bitch's name fall from her quivering lips again and I knew, without a doubt, that the decision I'd made while she slept was the right one. Not just for me but for her as well. Her vision was right. I _was_ going to leave. I was going to leave without a backward glance, without explanation and without saying goodbye. I walked to the bed, and slipped in beside her whispering soothing sounds as I rubbed her shoulders reassuringly until her body stilled and she was at peace. Yeah I was leaving her but I was coming back. I would always come back.

I propped myself up on a few pillows to watch the rest of the sunrise and tried to think of the best way to approach Emmett. I knew I had to tread carefully, I needed his help but he was going to be royally pissed at me for wanting to do this. If necessary I'd be able to get everything without his help but it would take time to find my own contacts and that was the one thing I didn't have. Things were going to get loud and mean when I spoke to Em and I wanted the girls out of the way before that happened, that's why I'd told Alice I didn't mind her going to Port Angeles with Rose, that's why I hadn't pressed her for more details about her vision. I didn't want either of them having a fuckin' clue about any of it.

"_Penny for them?"_

I jumped. I hadn't heard her stir and she'd caught me completely unaware.

"_Darlin' they ain't worth half of that!" _

Abruptly I changed the subject and hoped she wouldn't notice.

"_Hey are you lookin' forward to some gal time at Rose's store today?"_

Her face lit up like a sparkler on the Fourth of July, her eyes shining with barely concealed delight.

"_Oh Jazz I can't wait. I'm so excited not just to see Rose's boutique but to do some shopping. I used to love to shop… before," _she hesitated and the light in her eyes dimmed just a little _"before Bella died. I've not had much of a chance to do it since then. Not, you know, real girlie stuff."_

I smiled at her almost childlike enthusiasm.

"_Would you like me to help you wash or do you think you can manage and I'll go whip y'all up some breakfast?"_

"_Hmmmmm," _she tilted her head to one side and tapped her forefinger against her chin. _"Jasper. Washing. No clothes. Food. Decisions, decisions, decisions." _I smacked her ass playfully and she giggled. _"Food it is then please."_

I growled at her under my breath as she planted a kiss in the middle of my chest - Goddamn tease - but that just made her laugh harder as she sashayed to the bathroom and I dragged on some jeans to go fix her breakfast.

"_Jesus Bear do you two never sleep?"_

Emmett and Rosalie were already in the kitchen, devouring each other rather than the food that was spread haphazardly all over the counter.

"_And what the hell are you supposed to be doing with" _I surveyed the mess with horror _"all of this?"_

He sighed as though the answers should have been immediately obvious,

"_Question one, why sleep when there are better things we could be doing with our time? Question two, I was going to make Rosie pancakes but we… erm… got sidetracked… doing better things with our time!"_

I guffawed, no shit!

"_Seriously? You were going to cook? Make actual pancakes? Em correct me if I'm wrong but you don't cook. You. Can't. Cook. Oh crap," _

I had a horrible flashback of the last time Emmett attempted to impress a woman with his culinary skills, the end result had _not _been pretty and had cost him a new microwave.

"_Emmett McCarty tell me you did not put anything in the micro…"_

He rolled his eyes and held up a hand to forestall me,

"_A man makes one mistake, one simple mistake and he ends up paying for it for life! No" _he stressed _"__**no**__ I didn't put anything anywhere. I told you, we got distracted."_

Thank God for small mercies.

"_In that case get the hell outta my kitchen and let me work some Whitlock wonder!"_

By the time Alice flitted out of the bedroom there was a mini mountain of freshly made pancakes in the middle of the breakfast bar - lightly buttered and doused with maple syrup and a skillet full of scrambled eggs. Usually Emmett wouldn't have touched them but this morning for some reason he chose to dig in with everyone else making appreciative, if somewhat repulsive, slurping noises that earned him a caustic dressing down from Rosalie. I hadn't let him off the hook totally and he'd squeezed small glasses of fresh orange for everyone but with Emmett in the kitchen less is most definitely more and I called it quits at that.

Whilst we ate the girls chatted incessantly about their plans for the day and more than once I felt Em's curious gaze searching me out and he lifted an enquiring eyebrow when he finally caught my eye. The man's fuckin' intuition drove me nuts. He might play the Court Jester but in reality he was nobody's fool and he knew something was up so I gave a look that said '_later'_ and he nodded his understanding. Neither of us had said a word yet an entire conversation had taken place. Our ladies? _Still_ fuckin' talking!

"_Jasper?" _

Rose called my attention from where I had been studying Alice's pert behind in the skinny jeans she was wearing, she'd been leaning over the counter to reach for her juice and my mouth had suddenly gone dry as I'd seen the top of her pale pink thong and was imagining the delicious things I could do when I divested her of it later.

"_Jasper!" _

I shook my head. Eyes front and concentrate Whitlock the lady's talking to you.

"_Sorry Rose, you were sayin'?"_

"_I was just saying 'thank you' you certainly know your way around a kitchen."_

I chuckled at the compliment and tugged my forelock as I drawled teasingly,

"_Oh well I'm ALL about the service ma'am."_

Emmett and Alice groaned in unison but for _**very**_ different reasons and Rose giggled pretending to fan her slightly flushed cheeks. At that Em' practically dragged poor Rosalie off of the stool towards his room and glowering at me over his shoulder he snapped,

"_She'll be ready in ten… no… fifteen minutes!"_

I couldn't help feeling a little smug as the door crashed shut, wasn't so fuckin' funny when the shoe was on the other foot was it McCarty?

They reappeared about twenty minutes later just as Alice and I had finished putting away the last of the breakfast things. We'd have been finished a damn sight sooner if we hadn't had to clear up the debris from Hurricane Emmett sweeping through the kitchen before I'd got there! Rosalie had a definite 'glow' whilst Em' was sporting a self-satisfied grin and I turned quickly away before either of them caught me sniggering.

"_You all set then gypsy girl?" _

Alice nodded and then scowled when I shook my head,

"_Not until she's taken a couple of painkillers she's not no."_

She glared at me but held her hand out for her meds anyway, then I gave the pill bottle to Rose who'd already promised me that she would make certain Alice took them regularly.

"_Please darlin' be careful don't do…"_

She grabbed hold of the front of my shirt and yanked me hard against her slender body pressing her lips against mine and speaking into my mouth between hot, urgent kisses.

"_I. Will. Be. Fine. Stop. Worrying. I. Will. See. You. Later."_

She let me go so quickly I had to take a step back to steady myself, before I could respond the two of them had vanished into thin air.

"_Alright cowboy. Spill it."_

"_Jesus Emmett can I at least grab a coffee?"_

He shrugged but moved passed me to switch on the coffee pot and grab two mugs from the overhead cupboard, even though he couldn't stand coffee, putting one in front of me as soon as it was done and using the other to warm his hands.

"_What did you do?"_

I looked at him in confusion as he jabbed a finger in my direction,

"_If you've done anything to hurt her I swear I will fuck…"_

He broke off with a snarl and as much as I wanted to I knew better than to laugh. Emmett wasn't joking about protecting Alice and if he thought I'd hurt her he would inflict some serious damage on me before I could take him down. I raised a hand trying to placate him,

"_C'mon Bear you know me better than that."_

He nodded. Once. Not particularly encouraging but I'd take what I could get!

"_Alright then if this isn't about Alice what's going on?"_

"_I didn't say this wasn't about Alice I said I hadn't done anything to hurt her."_

He banged his mug down and the hot liquid spilled over his hand, flicking it off in annoyance he yelled,

"_Don't play fuckin' word games with me Jazz. Just tell me what the hell is going on!"_

I sat down on one of the stools and crossed my legs at the ankles before taking a tentative sip of the steaming coffee savouring the strong blend I sighed with pleasure. I swallowed another mouthful staring hard at the floor.

"_Jasper!!"_

"_Alright, alright Bear. Calm down will ya'. It's about James."_

He got it. It took him less than a second and he got it.

"_No!" _he barked_._

"_Em'…"_

He interrupted before I could say anything else.

"_No. Fuckin'. Way."_

"_Just listen Em'…"_

"_No."_

"_For fucks sake Emmett will ya' shut up an' let me finish?"_

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_No." _He confirmed. _"No I will not listen. No I will not shut up. No I will not let you finish. The answer Jazz, incase you didn't get it is a big, fat, fucking no."_

He hadn't raised his voice once. I looked at him and said quietly

"_Please Emmett. I need your help."_


	41. Chapter 41

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this chapter goes down OK! When I started this story I never intended to go into how Jasper and Em' became friends but some of you have been asking what their background is and so I've revealed more here. Personally I think it works, I hope you do too. This took me a long time and I found it very intense, I could have cried for Emmett's "that was me" speech and I wrote the damn thing!! XXx denotes a flashback. Rated M once again for language. Don't forget to review. Thank you xx**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty One: History_

_Emmetts Point of View_

I gritted my teeth. He had to fucking go there. He knew, the bastard knew exactly how to get me to listen to him, even against my better judgement. I was a grown man. A big fucking grown man at that and how did he get me to cave in like a pussy? Six simple words was how. Two fucking sentences. _Please Emmett. I need your help. _And that was it, he had me by the balls. Understand that ours was a bond formed in childhood. Ours were secrets that once shared ensured our friendship was for life. Enduring. Unbreakable. I knew the worst of his scars then and I know them now. For twelve fucking years he'd pulled this bullshit on me and it never failed. Christ he'd been a fucking scrawny-assed little kid and there'd been such a profound sadness about him, such an air of vulnerability that even as a boy something in me had responded, with this almost overwhelming compulsion, to go running to his defence. Don't misunderstand me, it wasn't weakness or helplessness because he was a tough little bastard but rather a cloak of uncertainty that he wore without even knowing it. His only fear had been in deciding who to trust and how much of himself to share. Even when we'd gone on to college and he'd grown into his body and his looks his quiet Southern manners had intrigued the ladies so much that he was like a damn danger magnet for pissed off boyfriends and wannabe Romeos and I'd nominated myself his protector again, I couldn't seem to help it. He'd long since learnt to look after himself and after all he'd put himself through, after all that had happened to him when he was abroad he could kick my ass seven ways 'til Sunday but still I'd be there backing him up whether he needed it or not. Most times he didn't but when he did, he'd ask. Always in that same reasonable tone of voice. Always so polite. Always with the fucking manners. _Please Emmett. I need your help. _And I'd step right on up to his side. Always.

_xXx_

_He stood in the middle of a group of boys as they pushed him around a roughly formed circle, cruel fingers scratching at his thin arms. His hair was too long and wavy, like a girls and it stood up in places making him look funny. When they stopped he pulled his fingers through it like he was trying to brush out the knots and tangles. His face was filthy, streaked with dirt and snot and tears but he didn't utter a sound. Not so much as the smallest whimper passed his lips not even when someone stuck out a foot and he went tumbling to the ground with a heavy thud his thin knees becoming scraped and bloody. I stood watching. My hands balled into fists in the pockets of my grubby shorts as I dragged the toe of one trainer through the dusty grass. I could hear the filthy things they were saying to him, could hear the bad words they were using and in my head I heard my mom telling me we should always help those who couldn't help themselves. I walked slowly over to them kicking a stone in front of me as I went, keeping my eyes on the dry and cracking earth. I wasn't scared but I felt my heart thundering anyway._

"_Whatcha doin'?"_

_The biggest boy, just a bit bigger than me though not by much, spat on the floor_

_in my direction._

"_Fuck off Emmett McCarty. This ain't none of your business."_

_I shrugged trying to look as if I didn't care one way or another but I did. I 'd recognised the boy in the circle and knew he came from a bad home. I'd overheard mom talking about him with some of her church ladies after they came home from a Sunday service. I hadn't meant to eavesdrop. I'd gone to the kitchen to ask for a soda but their conspiratorial whispers had intrigued me and so I'd stood outside the partially opened door and I'd listened. God I really wished I hadn't. I hadn't wanted to hear what his stepmother was rumoured to have done to him. I'd understood enough whilst not really understanding at all. I didn't need to know just how abused someone had said his young body was under his too grimy, too small clothes. So I'd run out into the yard and climbed my tree. I'd turned my face up to the sun and closed my eyes and tried to forget the name Jasper Whitlock and the things that people were saying about him. Until today._

"_What if I wanna make it my business Aro Volturi?"_

_Jasper's eyes flew to mine, a look of deep mistrust on his face._

"_Why would you wanna do that for this little mother fucker? Did you know that's what he does? He screws his mom!"_

_Jasper exploded with rage and launched himself at Aro. He made a huge mistake doing that and all the kids turned on him at once, like a pack of animals taking down a kill. I stood frozen in horror as they kicked and punched him and then I heard him scream,_

"_Please Emmett. I need your help."_

_xXx_

I guessed some things never changed.

"_Alright cowboy, you've got my attention. Let's hear it."_

"_I need a bike. Big. Fast. Preferably black. I need some shit from Marcus, a shot of somethin', morphine maybe. I dunno but he will. Somethin' that's gonna deaden the pain in my shoulder but allow me to function. And" _he paused eyeing me warily "_I need you to put me in touch with Aro…."_

"_No."_

"_Oh for fucks sake Bear you just said you were going to help."_

"_I said no such thing. I said I'd listen. I don't know what you think your going to do but I will not hook you up with either of those two fuckin' psychos, not again. They were mean kids and now they're mean adults. You know this Jazz," _he'd piqued my curiosity though and I had to ask_ "so why would you need to see Aro anyway?"_

He closed his eyes and spoke almost too softly for me to hear.

"_Because I need a weapon. A reliable, untraceable weapon."_

The room was deathly silent before I roared at him taking some perverse sort of satisfaction from the fact that he flinched,

"_Are you out of your fucking mind? No! No fucking way. Not a fucking chance. What is wrong with you? Are you mad? No don't answer that. You are mad._

_You're fucking INSANE. We are so not having this conversation. You can't pull that crap on me Jazz. We're not eight anymore. Fuck we've not been eight for a long fucking time. No. No I won't fucking do it. No. And a gun! You want a fucking gun. Why? What are you…."_

Suddenly, like in the Saturday morning cartoons we used to watch, that little light bulb clicked on over my head. James he'd said. He wasn't just going after James. He wanted to kill him.

"_Oh no. No, no, no, no and let me see…erm…" _I tipped my head slightly to one side as though I were considering it _"fucking no! You are not going down that route cowboy. No. Fucking. Way. What is the matter with you? This is wrong on so many levels. Jesus! You are not a stone cold killer."_

He stared at me his eyes desolate and filled with pain, a pain that I could never comprehend and one I hoped I never had to experience.

"_Emmett" _his voice was barely above a whisper_ that's exactly what I am." _

I refused to believe that he was considering this. It was irresponsible. It was stupid. It was down right fucking dangerous for so many more reasons than just the obvious. Jasper had witnessed so much, too much and despite what he believed he was fragile. Sometimes I think that his emotional scars are worse than his physical ones. His mental state was constantly in turmoil because he believed he was an irredeemable monster and I'd hoped that, because of Alice, the way he saw himself was finally beginning to change. Doing this could kill him and I didn't just mean literally.

"_You don't wanna do this cowboy. Think about it. Think about what it'll do to you. Think about her."_

I sighed heavily and rubbed my hands over my eyes, we'd been going over and over this for nearly two hours.

"_I am thinking about her. Always. That's why I have to do this. And besides she's not going to know about it. As for me? I'll live."_

My fists crashed down violently on the counter knocking my cup flying and spilling cold, congealed coffee everywhere. We both ignored it.

"_Bullshit! What are you gonna do, wake up screaming every half an hour instead of every hour? You, you of all people…always …always telling me how you value honesty and trust above all else and yet you're ready to lie to her about something this important. Fuck it Jasper you __**cannot**__ do this!"_

His eyes flashed angrily and suddenly he was in my face,

"_I'm not goin' to lie to her. Now back off Emmett. I mean it. Don't fuckin' test me on this. Don't make me choose her over you."_

I glared at him wearily, willing him to sense my frustration, until my whole body slumped in defeat. I felt as though the weight of the world had suddenly come crashing down on me and even my broad shoulders couldn't bear the burden.

"_Again with the fucking word games. You're lying by omission cowboy and that's still a lie. Please," _I begged _"please don't do this to yourself."_

"_Don't you get it Em? I. Don't. Matter. This isn't about me this is about her. I will __**not**__ have her living in fear over this. I'm gonna do what needs to be done now can you get me the bike or not? C'mon Bear don't make me beg…."_

I shook my head sadly but I knew as well as he did that I would never let him down even if I was totally opposed to what he was going to do. When I spoke my voice was heavy with resignation,

"_Alright Jasper. Alright. I'll get you the fuckin' bike and anything else you need but after this I'm done. It's over. Don't ever ask me to help you do anything like this again because I won't do it. I can't. You think you don't matter but you do. To your sisters, to her. But d'you know what? Not just to them. And d'you wanna know why? Because they're not the ones who sat with you for hours while you cried after you got back. That was me. They weren't the ones who held you whilst you fuckin' screamed your way through another fuckin' night. That. Was. Me. They didn't come from work to find their oldest friend with a bottle in one hand and a knife in the other so far gone that he was begging to be allowed to die. They weren't the ones covered in your fuckin' blood and praying to anyone who would listen that you'd make it. That was me you son of a bitch. Goddamn it all to hell that was me! So don't fuckin' tell me that you don't matter! You matter to me and I won't be a party to your self-destruction when you realise you can't handle this fuckin' shit. You're planning to hurt someone out of a misguided need for revenge cowboy and we both know that this ain't gonna end well for you or for him."_

When I looked at him again I was battling against the weight of my emotions but I managed to keep my voice quiet and even,

"_I'm going out for a while Jasper. I need some fresh air. I can't talk about this anymore. I will not discuss this with you again until I've got what you want. Do we understand one another?"_

The look he gave me was haunted, bitter and sad in equal measure and I'd known him long enough that I didn't miss the hint of madness lurking near the surface until he turned hastily away. I stared at his back, his posture was ramrod straight, his hands bunched into fists at his sides. He nodded stiffly and I hesitated for a second. Even though I was furiously angry with him I tried to put myself in his place, tried to imagine how I would react if it were Rosie in Alice's position. I liked to believe that I'd leave it to the police but I knew I wouldn't. I'd storm on over and crack a few skulls and everyone would still be alive at the end of it. Broken, battered and bruised but ultimately alive. The scenario coming together in Jasper's head had a whole other outcome and I wasn't sure if he would survive it.

I didn't look back as I slammed the apartment door loudly behind me.


	42. Chapter 42

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Whew! OK so I'm breathing a sigh of relief that you all seemed to like the previous chapter and have fallen in love with Emmett just a little bit more. Jasper picks the story back up again now and it's Rated M for the usual reasons. Also need to warn you that there are references to drugs and drug use. I have NO intimate knowledge of Methadone only what I picked up from working in a chemist for 4 years so I apologise if any of that shit is wrong but **_**it's fiction **_**so if you know better just grin and go with it. Be kind to Jasper, he needs your love and understanding - remember everything he does/says is because he cares!**

**Oooo two final things - this chapter is for Kim who's now joined us *waves madly* and are you ready for this? My story (not this one) got accepted for the Darksper (a dark Jasper!) contest. Don't care if I don't win because I got in! YAY me! Please Read & Review, thank you xx**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Two: Music and Mayhem_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I never asked how or why Emmett still knew how to reach Aro Volturi after he'd left town I just knew that he could and that he was able to contact Marcus as well was just a bonus. Sort of. Despite his bitter words he refused point blank to let me have any dealings with Aro and had left the apartment this morning, after the girls had gone back to Rosalie's shop, with a serious amount of cash and a gruff

"_I'll be back as soon as I fuckin' can be."_

I wasn't sure if I was angry that Em' was treating me as though I were about to lose my shit or relieved that I didn't have to meet Aro face-to-face. With the tenuous hold I had on my self control I couldn't guarantee that once that weapon was in my hand I wouldn't turn it straight round and shoot the fucker through the head! So maybe Emmett had a point.

Aro was and always had been a mindless thug. He enjoyed administering pain and suffering and I hadn't ever been able to forget or let go of the misery inflicted by him during my childhood.

In a relatively small town like ours there would always be talk about some family or another and although there had never been any investigations, although there was never anyone brave enough to take that final step and knock on our front door and ask exactly what the fuck was going on, there had been gossip.

Aro and his gang of delinquent bullies had seized on those rumours and been cruel and unrelenting in their persecution of me. Although their harassment had let up considerably after Emmett had first waded into the fray with his meaty fists it hadn't stopped entirely not until I'd escaped to college and learned to look after myself. Em' had been the only person I'd ever told what happened to me and I'd made him swear on his life that he'd keep it to himself. With the innocence and single-minded loyalty that only another eight year old can understand he gave me his word and never broke his promise. By the time we were old enough to know that such silence was wrong too many years had come and gone and I just wanted to leave the past buried with the terrified little boy I had once been and forget. Apparently my Goddamn subconscious still had other ideas and tormented me regularly with fucked up dreams. Did I do the wrong thing? Probably. Did Emmett? Maybe. But we were kids and kids do stupid shit all the time.

The door to the apartment opened quietly and Em' poked his head around the frame his face grave, mood sombre.

"_The girls still out?"_

"_Yep. Ali-cat phoned about an hour ago, she's gonna help Rose close up the shop an' then they'll grab takeout on their way home. You gonna eat with us again Bear? They're gettin' Thai. I can call 'em?"_

When he'd finally returned late yesterday afternoon our girls were already home and cooking up a storm in the kitchen, giggling and gossiping as though they'd been friends for years. Emmett had strode wordlessly over to Rosalie and pulled her roughly into the circle of his huge arms in a crushing bear hug. He'd held onto her like his very life depended on it murmuring words to her that I couldn't hear. She looked at him quizzically before gently brushing her lips across his and squirming out of his embrace to grab him a beer and I saw the some of the tension leave his face.

"_Em'? Shall I call 'em?"_

He shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

"_Don't feel like eating. Lost my appetite."_

With that he strode purposefully into the living room and threw a black holdall at my feet refusing to meet my eyes.

"_Everything you need is in there. The… erm… the thing you asked Aro for is in the box. The keys for the bike are in one of the sealed envelopes oh and the padded one has Methadone in it. You take too much and you risk falling asleep or O.D-ing. But I guess you know that." _

I nodded ruefully, Methadone and I were old friends from way back.

"_The other envelope has money in it."_

I looked at him in confusion.

"_There was a bit left over but not much." _

I nodded in sudden understanding, he hadn't had to use all of the money I'd given him to pay for my 'supplies'.

"_The bike is parked out front, you've got it for two days. Permit's paid and displayed."_

"_Thanks Em'. That's more than enough time."_

He took a deep breath and I watched his internal struggle, silently counting down from five, waiting for the argument he'd no doubt been preparing since yesterday. I got to three.

"_You don't have to do this cowboy."_

I felt about a hundred years old as I looked up at him from my seat on the couch. Bone tired and sick at heart. The one beacon of light in my miserable life was Alice and I was going to do whatever I had to do make her safe. Whatever. I. Had. To.

"_Yeah I do. We've been over this an' nothin's changed."_

"_Then let me come with you."_

"_NO!"_

I exploded from the sofa in a ball of fury crashing my fists into his chest and forcing him back against the wall before moving to press my forearm across his throat. Pinpricks of red light danced behind my eyes as I clenched my jaw against the howl of rage that threatened to escape. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to him, I couldn't, wouldn't let him come within a million miles of the fair. He _had_ to know that. He _had _to understand. He'd spent so much of our early friendship protecting me now I had to protect him. Emmett didn't move. He didn't say a word, he just locked his gaze with mine and waited for me to calm the fuck down.

I dropped my arm and stepped back dragging air as fast as I could down into my lungs, trying to control the shaking. Emmett's eyes still stared unflinchingly into mine.

"_I'm sorry Bear. Fuck! I'm sorry. I…."_

"_I know you are."_

"_I didn't… Christ all fuckin' mighty I… I wouldn't have."_

"_I know you wouldn't."_

He walked the two steps separating us with exaggerated slowness and turned his hands palms upwards before placing them heavily on my shoulders.

"_This is why you can't do this shit Jazz. This is what scares me. If you lose control, if you allow yourself to be so blinded by rage that you can't see let alone think straight then" _I swallowed against a surge of emotion as I saw tears darken his eyes _"you're a dead man."_

He spoke so quietly that, standing as close as we were, I still had to strain to hear his next words and they scared the hell out of me.

"_If you won't let me come with you then let me go back to Aro. He knows people… he can arrange for an accident, something that won't throw any suspicion on you. Let me…."_

I shook my head moving back so Emmett had to let his arms drop. This was how low I had sunk, dragging my best friend into _my_ world so he was thinking like an animal. Like me. He cleared his throat,

"_Please Jazz," _his voice broke and he coughed, tried again, _"please Jazz we can find another way to do this. There are always other solutions. Let me call him, just to talk. Nothing more. You can't just commit murder" _he shuddered as he said it _"and carry on with your life as though nothing's fuckin' changed. There are consequences cowboy, life changing, suck you down into hell fuckin' consequences." _

How many more times were we going to have to go over this shit?

"_Jesus Emmett you think I don't know that? You know what I see in my dreams so don't try and lecture me about consequences. You want me to let Aro have a hold over me for the rest of my life? Let him have a hold over you? I don't fuckin' think so. And don't even bother lookin' at me like that, you and I both know that he wouldn't hesitate for an instant to use any shit on us that he could. Ain't happenin' Bear. Look," _I punched his arm gently _"I'm gonna be fine. Gimme tonight and this shit will be done with. Forgotten. It'll be over."_

"_You just don't get it do you cowboy? If you really plan on going ahead with this it will never be over. You will have to carry that fuckery around with you for the rest of your Goddamn days. You're talking about killing a man Jasper. Premeditated murder."_

I sighed and went to pick up the black bag, I needed to get my shit sorted before the girls got home.

"_I said I'll deal with it Bear."_

As I walked towards my room the sounds of Bass Mechanic boomed through the living room shaking the foundations and I knew that Em' would be heading into the kitchen for a beer. This was how he chose to deal with things, _very_ loud music and beer. Hell it could be worse!

The music quietened to a dull roar when I closed the bedroom door and I felt my head begin to pound in perfect time with the heavy beat. I tried not to let my eyes linger on the unmade bed, the rumpled sheets, the image of Alice's soft yet strong legs wrapped around me as our bodies tangled with those sheets. I groaned and lowered myself gingerly to the floor, sitting cross-legged and hauling the bag into my lap. I checked the time and decided just to get this over with. I pulled back the zip slowly and lifted out each item, one piece at a time, laying them in a neat little line by the side of me. I opened the box first and took out the weapon with sure fingers. I was impressed. It was a Beretta 92FS as used by the U.S. Military and thousands of our police officers, a solidly designed weapon that I was used to handling and trust me nothing shoots better than a well broken in Beretta, that baby's a _mans'_ pistol. I had the sudden and ridiculous urge to beat at my chest and make that fuckin' stupid cry that Tarzan does. Why? Damned if I know. I checked the box again and found two mags laying inside, I wouldn't need two, wouldn't even need close to a full one but I appreciated the gesture. I took my time checking it over but I needn't have worried, it was perfect. I ripped open the envelope with the keys in and shoved them straight into the pocket of my jeans, by sheer coincidence I'd pulled on a pair of black jeans this morning, now I had no need to change and risk Alice's inquisitive questions as to why nor would I have to change before I left. One less thing to fuck up or worry about. I picked up the envelope with the remaining cash in, not bothering to count what was left, and poked it under the end of the mattress. I'd sort it out later. The only thing left was the padded envelope. The Methadone mixture. I picked at the very corner, my hands beginning to shake. I snorted in derision, the Goddamn pistol I could throw about without a second thought but put me near the drugs and I was handling the package like it was a bomb about to detonate. I couldn't quite control the tremor as I slipped a finger further under the flap then swore as I felt the sharp sting that signalled a very nice paper cut. Damn it that shit hurt! I ripped the remainder of the flap off and carefully tipped out the contents into my palm, turning it over and back, over and back. It was such an innocuous looking little bottle. Plain. Brown. No label. But what it contained was lethal, or it could be - in the wrong hands or in the wrong dose - the potential was there and I'd have to be careful. The idea of Methadone was to allow it to gradually build up in your system over a period of a few days, I didn't have the luxury of time so I was just going to take it. The problem was how my body was going to react. Doc Cullen had put me on Methadone when I was in his hospital to wean me off of the shit the bastards who'd held me had been pumping into my veins, and it had worked… eventually. But breaking the back of that shit had been fuckin' hard. Now I was going to take it voluntarily to numb the pain in my shoulder enough to be able to ride a bike, to raise a gun, to pull the trigger. Not much scared me anymore except the thought of something happening to someone I loved - Emmett, Alice, my sisters, Rosalie - and now the thought of swallowing the opiate in that Goddamn bottle. Was it cravings that were making my mouth go dry? Causing my hands to shake? Once an addict always an addict right? I was being hard on myself but with this shit I had to be. I'd never taken drugs voluntarily, never gotten to the point where my very existence depended on whether I got my next fix but my body still remembered, it knew what a hit would feel like and that chilled me to the bone. Still it had to be done so… fuck it! I put it carefully back inside the padding and placed it on the bed. It could go in the drawer with my underwear so I wouldn't have to move the bag until I needed it later. I repacked the holdall before sliding it, just out of the sight, under the bed frame. I leaned back against the mattress, my eyes drifting shut, hoping that sheer force of will would stop the acute whine that was currently drilling holes through my brain and setting my teeth on edge. The music that had been blaring from the living room shut off abruptly and I heard muffled voices. Our girls were home. Dredging up energy from somewhere I fixed a smile on my face just as bright light flooded the bedroom causing me to squint in discomfort.

"_Hey Jazz," _Alice's voice seemed to stroke softly along my very nerve endings, soothing and cooling _"what is it? What's wrong?"_

I prayed she wouldn't notice the package on the bed, prayed I could get it out of sight before she thought to question it. I reached up and held her around the knees, scraping my cheek against the smooth cotton of her pants,

"_Nothin' darlin'. Now you're here everythin' is just fine."_


	43. Chapter 43

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I love the way you guys are all getting protective over Emmett (and really Karen, death threats were so unnecessary LOL) what's up? Don't you trust me? Remember Em's a big boy, he can look after himself and Jazz is trying his best to protect him… we hope! So time to hear from Em' again and then, well, you'll see. **

**This chapter is for xIt's Time To Burnx for her kind reviews and for listening to me bitch and moan about, well, about stuff. Thanks hun.**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Three: Teamwork _

_Emmett's Point of View_

He was fucked up. Big time. He might just as well have walked into the room waving a hand painted banner surrounded by flashing neon lights, that was how easily I could read the pain on his face. I'd be willing to bet every cent I had that, right about now, Jasper was fighting the mother of all migraines and was about ready to crawl out of his skin. He was a sickly grey colour, pinched around his mouth and there was a thin line of sweat beading his upper lip. Yep classic signs of the crap that made up the Cowboy Cocktail, as with his nightmares when Jasper was stressed shit happened.

I looked at Alice, watching her watching him. I wouldn't mind making the same bet that she wasn't fooled by the dumb ass grimace he had plastered on his face by way of a smile either. She _read_ people for a living and right now his acting skills were worse than those of a badly trained circus chimp but she said nothing, just continued to follow him with concern clouding her eyes. When he collapsed heavily into the over-stuffed armchair and groaned loudly she curled herself onto his lap and nuzzled his chest with her head, like a cat. I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd started purring and the unexpected thought made me grin.

"_Babe?"_

Rosie's holler was followed by the crash and bang of cupboards and drawers opening and closing as she searched for something.

"_Yep."_

"_I can't find any napkins."_

I rolled my eyes and laughed, only Rosalie would want napkins for takeout, anyone else would have made do with the cheap paper towels they shoved into the bag with your order. I glanced at Jasper who had his eyes closed, his chin resting in Alice's blue-black hair.

"_You wanna beer cowboy?"_

He shook his head and winced at the pain that had no doubt lanced through his skull. I saw his jaw clench and knew he was biting back another moan. Would he never fuckin' learn?

"_Comin' my heavenly beauty."_

Alice snorted and even Jasper managed a small smile

"_Yeah and you can cut that shit out as well. Just get your ass out here and help me McCarty."_

I hauled _my ass _on out to the kitchen and reached into the back of a drawer, squirreling around with my fingers until I found some ancient _napkins _from the ghost of Christmas past. Tugging at Rosie's waist I twirled her round until her lips met mine for a heated kiss. Damn she was hot! She gave a throaty laugh and broke away, pushing me back towards to living room. Don't ask me why but in that moment I made a decision. Jasper could say whatever the hell he wanted - this thing with James had just become a two man deal. Fuck it! I had no idea how I was going to make it out of the bedroom without Rosalie knowing, let alone out of the apartment but I'd think of something. I silently debated on whether I shouldn't just tell her the truth. Then again that might not be the best idea because knowing Rosie she'd want to come along and rip the bastards balls off with her bare hands!

Jasper hadn't told me all of Alice's story but I knew enough to understand that Rose would see her as a kindred soul of sorts. Rose's ex had treated her like a human punch bag… and worse. From things she'd said, she'd been a bubbly, vivacious young woman but Royce had beaten her down, figuratively and literally, until all that remained was a shell, an empty, lifeless husk. Eventually friends had helped her escape him and over time she'd slowly rebuilt herself, her indomitable spirit refusing to be truly broken. It was one of the things that I loved about her the most. Her courage. But that shit left deep, lingering scars.

It had taken her a long time to trust me and even longer to trust _in us _and Royce was responsible for that insecurity, that fear. Sometimes, even now, if I moved suddenly in a way she wasn't expecting she'd flinch. It made me sick to the very pit of my stomach. Every single fuckin' time. If I ever found the son of a bitch he was a dead man. I'd rip him to pieces for what he'd done to her… I blanched - hoping that Alice was still too wrapped up in Jasper to notice - because just like that everything slipped into place.

What a prize fucking dick! How had I not seen this? How, especially considering that fact that he'd asked me to involve Aro, how had I not made this connection before? Jasper had no clue the reasons behind me knowing where Aro was, not because I didn't want to tell him but because I couldn't. It wasn't my place. Until Rosie shared her experiences with Jasper it just wasn't up to me but Jesus Christ after what _I'd_ asked Aro to do, what I'd asked him to help _me_ do, how had I not seen? I was a hypocrite, a Goddamn fucking hypocrite.

Suddenly Jasper's motivation was clear. This had nothing to do with childhood beatings or adult torture, it had nothing to do with any of the shit that had happened in his past. Like he'd tried to explain, it was all about _her_. When I'd attempted to put myself in his position I was doing it from a standpoint that meant nothing in my reality, James didn't know Rosie, James had never hurt Rosie. But Royce had. And _that_ made all the difference. Now I understood.

I slumped down onto the sofa, how the hell was I supposed to play this? Jasper would lose control again the second I mentioned going with him. It was inevitable, it was who he was. If he listened long enough to let me explain his head would tell him that he didn't need to protect me, that I was big enough and ugly enough to take care of myself but his heart would tell him something else entirely. Our role reversal from childhood was total. There was no point in trying to come up with a logical argument, logic wouldn't help when he was being irrational. Brute force might work initially but would inevitably end up with him knocking me on my ass so I guessed I'd have to go with dogged determination and if all else failed I'd just have to follow the wiry little fucker.

"_Well aren't we all the buzzing conversationalists this evening? What's the matter did you two boys have a lovers tiff while we were gone?"_

Rosie's gentle teasing caused as all to laugh and the atmosphere in the room

lightened in response. She passed two heaped plates over my head, one for Jasper, one for Alice and I saw him retch as the spicy smell assaulted his senses. Alice snatched his plate away and slid quickly off of his lap as he spoke anxiously to her in low tones and sprinted for the bathroom. I guessed that lunch was about to make an unwelcome return! I'd already determined that I was going with Jasper but that shit just re-enforced it. We all heard the flush of the toilet followed by running water and grimaced at each other in turn. Both the girls put their plates down gingerly on the coffee table looking a little pained, seemed the only thing that was going to be full of food tonight was the trash can. Jasper walked sheepishly back into the room,

"_I'm sorry guys, I've gotta migraine" _boom! I'd been right on the money. _"An' I'm afraid the smell…."_

He waved his hands around theatrically, pulling faces by way of explanation and we nodded sympathetically.

"_I'm gonna get some fresh air an' then excuse myself for an early night but y'all carry on."_

Three pairs of eyes swivelled between Jasper and the plates of soon to be wasted food all with matching expressions of _'you're fucking kidding right?'_

He coloured a little in embarrassment then shrugged and walked to the door snatching his jacket from the peg as he went. Before I could second guess myself I called out,

"_Hey hold up cowboy, I'll come keep you company." _

I hoped he'd understand I needed to talk to him away from the girls and teased _"Don't want you getting lost all alone out there now do we?"_

It wasn't raining for once and the evening air was fairly balmy so I didn't bother grabbing a sweater, but I took my time - kissed Rosie, ruffled Alice's hair and told them we wouldn't be long. As I ran out after Jasper I realised he hadn't bothered to slow down let alone stop but he had left the door open so I assumed he knew I was going to follow.

"_Jazz! Jazz wait up asshole!"_

Jesus he moved so fast and so quietly that I swear at times there was something inhuman about him.

I rounded the front of the building and spotted Jasper leaning against the bike the palms of both his hands pressed against his temples.

"_How you holdin' up cowboy?"_

He gave me a sardonic look,

"_Oh great Em'. Let me see my head's poundin', I just lost my lunch, I've got lights flashin' behind my eyes an' I've not even taken a hit from the Methadone yet so yeah, just great."_

Sarcastic shit! I suddenly realised that now might be the best, if not the only, chance I'd have to catch him off guard.

"_We need to talk." _

He mumbled something I couldn't quite catch under his breath which I was pretty certain was a good thing.

"_No actually I need to talk you just need to keep quiet and listen."_

Since he'd come home I'd learnt the best way to tackle Jasper about his shit was to hit it head on and then, no matter what his reaction, stare him down - unblinking and unmoving. If he went off at the deep end keeping still was the quickest and probably safest way to bring him back. I took a deep breath, fuckin' _head on _it was then.

"_I know you're not gonna like this cowboy but I've decided I don't give a flying fuck! What I'm gonna say I'm gonna say just once."_

I watched his eyes harden, saw his long limbs stiffen as he raised his chin another few inches and I knew there was a growl beginning to rumble deep in his chest.

"_Give it a fuckin' rest Jasper. Seriously. You're beginning to piss me off."_

He snorted, a surprised sound that was almost a laugh. Yeah. Almost.

"_I spent half my life looking after that skinny ass of yours and despite everything that shit's not changed. You're in so much pain that you probably can't tell your dick from a didgeridoo right now so if you insist on going ahead with this… this… whatever the hell you want to call this cluster fuck then I'm going with you. End of. And, in the unlikely event that you can even focus straight enough to think of an argument, don't fuckin' bother or I will march on up to that apartment right the hell now and tell Alice everything. And by everything I mean just that. Every. Single. Fucking. Thing. I __**will **__stay out of your way but I __**will **__be there. I've got your back cowboy. Always."_

Although the tight lines compressing his mouth confirmed my suspicions about the level of discomfort he was in his gaze softened and when he spoke his voice was carefully controlled.

"_I understand what you're sayin' Bear an' I appreciate it." _

I went to interrupt but he held up his hands forestalling me.

"_No. Let me finish. I don't want you involved in this. If things go," _he hesitated _"badly you could wind up gettin' hurt an' I couldn't live with that on my conscience."_

"_I'm sorry cowboy but that's not your choice. Not this time. If you try and slip passed me I'll activate the tracker on the bike. But fuck it, it's not as though I don't know where you're going anyway. I'll stay on the sidelines Jazz but we do this together or not at all."_

I let my last sentence hang in the air.

"_Guess I've not really got much a choice."_

I cracked a small smile.

"_Guess you've not."_

I clapped a hand across the top of his shoulders.

"_Shit Bear."_

Now we did laugh - in understanding, to relieve the tension, to show that everything was okay between the two of us - and finished his sentence together,

"_Can you reign it in a little, I'm still kinda fragile!"_

We walked a short distance in easy silence. Jasper rubbed at his forehead a couple of times cursing under his breath before stating firmly,

"_Okay. This is how this shit's gonna play out…"_


	44. Chapter 44

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you again for all the support you're giving this story, I'm sooo needing it now because **_**damn**_** this shit is difficult to write. Please bear in mind this is rated M and there are drug references in this chapter again. I have a very basic (and I do mean **_**very basic**_**) understanding of certain drugs so if anything is wrong put it down to my using poetic license! I know I say this a lot but please Read & Review.**

**For those of you who celebrate it Happy Easter and enjoy all the chocolate-y goodness that it brings (and I blame any errors on too much wine!!!!!!)**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Four: One Black Bike_

_Jasper's Point of View_

As Emmett and I ambled slowly back to the apartment I had to concentrate hard on not vomiting right there on the street. That dry heaving shit just ain't pleasant but the pounding in my head had ratcheted up a whole other notch when I'd realised that he was deadly serious. I rubbed my hand wearily across my eyes again. And swore. Again. I heard him chuckle lightly into the night.

"_It ain't funny Bear."_

For some reason that made him laugh even harder and he rested a heavy arm across my shoulder for support. I shrugged him away.

"_Fuck off!"._

He doubled over clutching at his sides and in spite of myself I had to smile.

I opened the front door and reeled back a little at the nauseating smell that lingered in the air from the takeout almost turning on my heel and marching right back out again.

"_Hey Jazz. Feeling any better?"_

Alice wrinkled her brow in concern as I walked over to where she was snuggled up on the sofa next to Rosalie and pressed a gentle kiss into her hair feeling its softness tickle my nose.

"_Not much. I'm goin' to bed. You comin'?"_

She slid a sideways glance at Rose and I could read the guilt in her hopeful expression.

"_Oh for God's sake Alice it's only a film. We can watch it some other time. Go. Go."_

She shooed at Alice with her hands and they hugged quickly, in that easy way that girls do, and then Alice snagged my hand and pulled me towards our bedroom. _Our_ _bedroom_. When had that happened? When had I stopped thinking of things in the apartment in terms of _'mine' _and started thinking of them as _'ours'? _I shook my head. It didn't matter, in the greater scheme of things, it really didn't matter.

"_I won't be long Jazz, unless you want to go first?"_

"_Nah you're fine darlin'. Go right ahead. Take your time."_

Alice grabbed the things she needed and headed off to the bathroom. She hadn't said a word about the brown package on the bed earlier and I'd been able to stash it in my drawer as I'd hoped. Knowing I had a few precious minutes alone I had to decide quickly whether or not to take it now. Did I dare risk leaving it until later? It would take between thirty and fourty minutes for the effects to kick in. Fuck! I didn't know what to do. I wiped my suddenly sweaty palms down the front of my jeans, I hadn't reckoned on this being so fuckin' hard. I knew from experience that once I took the hit I was going to get high, not like having a shot of heroin - it would be less intense than that and it would last longer - but I would need to think before I acted or spoke. It should actually go someway to levelling my emotions, keeping me relatively stable rather than becoming hyper or morose, or at least it had in the past so perhaps I could risk it and hope that if Alice noticed anything weird she'd put it down to the effects of the migraine. But it was all speculation at this point. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. In all honesty I had no fuckin' clue how I was going to react. The most important thing for me was that it dulled the pain, or rather that it made the pain completely fuckin' non-existent. I turned the two options over and over in my mind, now or later? Now or later? Now or later? In the end I decided to go with later. I knew if the worst came to the worst I would be able to function without the drug, it'd just hurt a whole hell of a lot more.

Alice pulled me from my thoughts as she came back into our room and stopped right up against the closed door, letting the huge fluffy bath sheet pool at her feet she moved slowly towards me wearing nothing but her beautiful smile. I was still standing where she'd left me and she gave me a small puzzled frown before I pulled her gently into my embrace and she stretched up to kiss me. The touch of her lips against mine was tentative, feathery light and unbelievably sweet before she drew back to stare deeply into my eyes. For one brief second I thought she saw everything and I stilled.

"_Jasper?"_

I shook my head, silently telling her it was nothing and lifted my warm palm to caress her cheek. As my free arm moved to encircle her tiny waist she leaned into me and I settled my mouth on hers tasting the fresh flavour that was uniquely _her_. I felt the trembling of her fingers as she tried to undo the buttons on my pants and I covered her hands with my own, entwining them, and we pulled my jeans off together. Tugging my t-shirt over my head I caught her gaze and saw my own desire reflected right back at me, groaning I swept her up into my arms and carried her to the bed, _our_ bed.

I looked at the time and eased my way carefully out from under the duvet frowning when Alice stirred and opened her eyes sleepily.

"_Jazzyouokay?"_

She blinked owlishly, her words, slightly slurred, ran together on a sigh. I kissed her lightly and pressed two pain pills into her hand.

"_Sit up a little bit for me angel an' take your meds. You'll be sore in the mornin' if you don't."_

She scowled up at me as though getting ready to argue and I held my breath but her eyelids fluttered once, then again, and she yawned. She popped the tablets and took a small sip of the water I pressed quickly to her lips, silently praying it didn't taste brackish from having been left standing since early this morning. I sat, perched on the very edge of the bed, running my fingers through her short, spiky hair watching as she mumbled to herself and tried to force her eyes into remaining open. She was fighting a losing battle from the start and as the meds started to take effect she relaxed under my touch.

"_Alice?"_

She didn't stir as I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and as I allowed my fingers to linger on her cheek I bit back a rough curse. It was too Goddamn late for regrets.

"_Alice?"_

I spoke a little louder and reached under the bed to snatch the holdall I'd stashed there earlier.

"_I'm sorry but I have to go. I love you."_

I slipped soundlessly out of our bedroom and saw Emmett standing motionless in the living room, he turned when he heard the soft click of the door closing.

"_What did you tell Rosalie?"_

He shook his head and I could just make out the hint of his rueful smile illuminated by the meagre light filtering in through the window.

"_You don't wanna know! She suspects something's going on and, if I know my Rosie - which I do - she won't be far off the mark. But, as much as she can, she understands and let's just say that I'm gonna be under her thumb for about the next six months!"_

I could tell by his tone of voice that he wasn't really that adverse to being under _anything_ of Rose's for the next six months.

"_Thanks Bear. Really."_

He shrugged.

"_Fuck it! Let's do this shit!"_

I killed the lights on the bike before turning onto the short dusty track that led to the parking area. We'd decided against trying to find our way through the woods as Alice had done - we'd have no safe place to hide the bike or Em's jeep _and_ we risked alerting any security there might be if went bumbling and crashing through the undergrowth due to the lack of light. It's not easy to be stealthy when it's pitch black and you don't have a fuckin' clue where you're going! I glanced quickly into the mirrors and saw the lights flare briefly on the jeep before they went off too.

The patch of cleared woodland that had been allocated for cars was bathed in a kind of half glow, there were a few small bulbs attached to the fencing that must be powered by on-site generators. They were fixed sparingly along the wire offering only paltry illumination against the darkness. I briefly considered taking the extra time to locate the gennys and knock out the juice but decided that might bring us added attention rather then less. If we kept to the outer edges of the circuit we still stood a good chance of remaining undetected. I let the engine idle, waiting for Emmett to park the jeep as the plan was to leave it as far away as possible incase the throaty roar of its engine altered anyone to our presence. I scanned the area as best as I could and belatedly realised I should have thought to bring along some form of night vision aid. The goggles, whilst cumbersome, would have given us an added edge that might prove invaluable. I shrugged, too fuckin' late now!

I felt Emmett's double thump on my back and immediately shut off the bike. Swinging my leg over to dismount we supported the heavy machine between us and wheeled it closer to the fairs entrance. As the engine cooled it ticked loudly, the noise sounding like a gunshot in the stillness of the air and as a trickle of sweat made its way irritatingly down my spine I took of the crash helmet and shook my damp hair from out of my eyes.

"_How you doing cowboy?"_

I pondered Emmett's question as we walked, feeling the familiar tingle of opiates fizzing and bubbling around my system, easily burning up the pain in its wake. I was buzzed but not dangerously so.

"_I'm good Em'."_

I kept my voice just above a whisper and in my peripheral vision I saw him nod in response. We stashed the bike at the edge of the car park, just inside the tree-line and I memorised its position in my minds eye counting off the floodlights as markers. I wriggled my arms out of the handles of the holdall and hissed in annoyance at the pain that flared white hot in my shoulder, ignoring it to concentrate on the bag that I'd let fall to the floor. I crouched down and heard Emmett's exclamation as I pulled out the wooden box with one hand and tipped the gun into the other.

"_Jazz don't! Leave that here. Between the two of us we can sort this out without a fuckin' gun."_

"_This ain't open for a fuckin' debate Em'. You knew the deal and it was your choice to come along. You're here to watch my back. Nothin' more."_

I realised how harsh I sounded and spoke again.

"_I can't be worryin' about you getting' hurt Bear."_

I paused letting my words sink in.

"_This shit's for real."_And I tucked the pistol into the waistband of my jeans as I stood. Just making a point.

Staying out of the dim pools of light proved to be a simple task and with Emmett now shouldering the bag we made short work of finding a point of entry. Someone, probably local kids trying to get into the fair after closing, had already cut through the wire leaving a relatively sizeable hole… for me anyway. I could imagine Em' rolling his eyes at the thought of trying to squeeze his bulky frame through the gap and mouthed close to his ear,

"_Wire cutters in the bag."_

"_Fuckin' thought of everything haven't you cowboy?"_I snorted softly and lowered myself to the ground crawling easily through the wire, Emmett followed quickly after.

I pulled Emmett behind me and we slunk off in the direction of the humming generators. Suddenly the area in front of us flooded with light and we both froze. Fuck! The slim figure of an olive skinned woman swung in our direction and her hand flew to her mouth effectively muffling her squeak of shock as her eyes widened in recognition.

"_You!"_

She looked back and forth between Emmett and I, comprehension alive on her face she whispered,

"_You've come back for him haven't you? James I mean. You're here for him."_

It was a statement, not a question.


	45. Chapter 45

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Sorry for the delay in getting this out to you guys but R/L took a bite out of my rather sizeable ass when it dumped me on it again! Never mind, I'm here now and hoping that this will have been worth the wait. I was going to do a really long chapter but after chatting with some friends I've decided to cut it in two and hope you don't kill me (remember (1) a murder charge would probably land you a prison sentence and (2) I'd never be able to finish the story if I was dead. So Copey? No more death threats okay??). I hope this is… well… read on and we'll see.**

**I also want to welcome Hirel to the fold, didn't take you long to catch up all the chapters huh? This one's for you and Kirstie and any of the other FL folk who are here with us xx**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Five: Blade_

_Jasper's Point of View_

I heard the hiss of air whistle over Emmett's teeth as he drew in a sharp breath and I automatically reached for the gun stashed in the waistband of my jeans. My first thought on realising the young woman had spied us was that she was going to toss back her head and scream blue fuckin' murder. When she didn't I felt Em's cool touch on my wrist, stilling my hand as he whispered,

"_Easy Jasper. Take it easy."_

I nodded too fast and the world tilted as my reality blurred around the edges, spinning wildly out of control until I was able to ground myself again in her softly accented words.

"_Come with me. I'll show you where you need to go."_

Her soulful dark eyes and long black hair clearly stated Native American descent and with a sudden flash of perfect clarity I remembered where I'd seen her before, she was the girl who'd told me Alice was in trouble the day I'd been shot.

She tugged at my arm and I froze in terror as her slender fingers morphed into animal claws, slicing into my skin and peeling it away, layer by excruciatingly agonising layer. I dared to look into her face and was met by the snapping, snarling, slavering jaws of a she-wolf. I reeled back in horror, my vision clouding, my heart thundering.

"_Jasper! Calm the fuck down. What is it? What's wrong?"_

I tried to find the face that belonged to that voice but couldn't see _him_ without looking at _her_, cringing I risked another glance in her direction and sighed with relief when her striking features were back to looking perfectly normal. The Methadone was screwing with me. Shit!

She pulled at me again, more insistently this time.

"_Look you'll be wandering around in the dark without a clue and sooner or later someone's going to see you. Please, I understand. Let me help you."_

"_She's our best bet of getting where we need to go cowboy. If we're going to do this then let's get on and fucking do it."_

The girl motioned us out of the light and into the sparse shadows afforded by her trailer.

"_Wait here."_

As she disappeared inside we were plunged into near total darkness and I cursed. My thought processes were all kinds of fucked up and I began to visualise the gloom closing in on me, trapping me in the confines of a dank room dripping with filth, my filth, memories weighing me down. My blood was pumping hard, zinging through my veins as I bobbed lightly on my toes having trouble with something as simple as standing still until I heard Emmett's low rumble, felt the reassuring pressure of his hand resting on my shoulder.

"_She'll be back cowboy. Give her a sec. It's all good. Just take it easy okay?"_

I grunted in response as we heard a trill of laughter.

"_I know it's late Paul but I won't be long. She's been up half the night trying to sort the costumes, you know what an asshole James is being to her. I promised I'd help so stop being an old grouch. I'll be back before you know it."_

There was a pause followed by a deep masculine voice then she replied with a giggle.

"_Yeah. Love you too."_

I jumped, startled, as suddenly she appeared between Emmett and I. I hadn't heard a sound. She started speaking, her words quiet yet dignified.

"_For the first time in my married life, for the first time __**ever**__ since I've met him, I've lied to my husband without truly understanding why. But I trust in the spirits of my ancestors and I feel that I'm meant to help you. I'll take you to James but my involvement ends there. I don't want to know who you are. I don't want to know where you're from and I definitely don't want to know what you're going to do. I only ask two things, one, you never tell a soul that I helped you and two, you wait for me to head back before you do… anything. He mustn't see me with you."_

I grunted my assent as my body continued to twitch and jerk.

"_Come on then."_

She strode through the shadows with the easy confidence of someone who knows exactly where they're going, seemingly not the slightest bit perturbed at being in the dark with two total - possibly psychotic - strangers. Then again, we were on her territory, all she'd have to do would be to let loose a scream and it would be all over for Em' and I.

When she stopped the soft strains of some cheesy Eighties love song reached us carrying with it the smell of over used grease, stale beer and cigarette smoke and as my stomach threatened to rebel, _again_, Em' murmured,

"_Last chance cowboy. You really sure you wanna do this?"_

A growl was the only response he got as the girl, who hadn't even told us her name, slipped silently away and we were left staring at a large trailer that James obviously called 'home'. As Emmett's breathing rasped harshly in my ear it seemed to cut through the night, adding to the cacophony of sounds - distant cars driving the highway, owls hooting the melody haunting and mournful, crickets chirping their combined song grating on my senses - and I wanted to press my hands to my ears to block it all out.

"_Too loud! Too loud!"_

I felt the scream building in my throat but knew it was the opiate distorting my perception and I bit down on my tongue, hard enough to draw blood and regain by wandering attention. I prayed that I wouldn't see a bogeyman leap from the bushes because with my drug-fuelled imagination that shit would give me fresh nightmares for a month. I cleared my throat gingerly grateful that the music provided ample cover for a hushed conversation.

"_Em'? I'm gonna need you to step back now an' stay the hell outta my way."_He bristled beside me and I knew my words had come out sounding slightly slurred so I focused on speaking clearly still keeping my voice low.

"_Don't fuck with me on this Emmett. This is it. This is where you keep your distance, keep your cool an' let me deal with this bastard… alone!"_

He shook his head in agitation and I knew he was getting ready to argue.

"_I mean it Bear. This is all on me an' I'm deadly fuckin' serious."_

When he spoke his voice was resigned.

"_Yeah and it's the fuckin' dead part of that sentence that scares me Jazz."_

I ignored him.

"_There's one more thing Em'. If this shit goes badly you need to leave. To. Leave. Got it? No fuckin' around. No tryin' to be a hero. You get your ass outta here an' go back to our girls. I need you to promise me that Bear…."_

I waited, barely able to contain myself as he sighed,

"_Yeah alright. I got it."_

His answer was grudging at best totally unbelievable at worst. He rolled his eyes at me.

"_I fuckin' promise."_

"_Not good enough Emmett."_

He knew what I meant and I saw his jaw lock, his frame stiffen.

"_Don't you fuckin' dare ask that of me," _he hissed _"Not again. Not over this. I made you a promise once, one that I've never broken but I regret…"_I interrupted sharply.

"_Mean it Bear. Mean every single fuckin' word, just like when we were kids. Say it an' mean it."_

His head moved from side to side furiously.

"_You son of a bitch. You… you…."_

"_Yeah, yeah. I get it Em'. Now promise me."_

And despite his reservations, despite his anger, he did. He spat in his palm at the same time I did and we grasped hands.

"_I swear Jasper. I swear on my life and on yours."_

Friends for a lifetime. Brothers always.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth I released his grip and banged on the trailer adrenalin thrashing through my system chasing the tail of the artificial high afforded me already by the Methadone. The door flew open.

"_This'd better be fucking important!"_

The underlying menace in the words James hurled out, not even knowing who it was, caused me to smirk, this asshole seriously had what was coming to him. My limbs quivered, not with fear but with barely restrained fury and the ferocity of the violence within me caught me momentarily by surprise. _Momentarily_.

I grabbed at the front of his shirt and hauled him bodily outside, letting go so suddenly that he hit the ground with a resounding thud. As the air left his lungs with an audible 'whoomph' he tried to push up on shaky arms but I gave him no chance to recover. I pounced and my clenched fist connected. As his head snapped back I heard the satisfying crack of his cheekbone breaking and he grunted in pain as I hit him again. And again. Each blow hard and fast until the coppery, tangy scent of his blood filled my nostrils as it poured from his.

The monster inside of me roared in appreciation.

I shook out my fingers, flexing the joints and watched, dispassionately, as James struggled up onto one knee, spitting into the dirt. His eyes found mine and he stared at me in confusion.

"_Who the fuck are you?"_

I didn't dignify him with an answer instead I growled,

"_Stand up. Stand up you Goddamn piece of crap an' take a swing at me. I just fuckin' dare_ _you."_

He grunted with the effort of pushing himself up from the compacted earth, hawking blood and snot behind him he wavered unsteadily on his feet. I dropped my hands lazily to my sides, presenting him with the perfect opportunity to strike. He didn't hesitate to take it.

Turning more quickly than I would have given him credit for, he lashed out and I felt his knuckles split the skin under my eye like an overripe peach. As he pulled back a cold smile touched his lips and his tongue flicked out to lick my blood from the back of his hand. I couldn't help myself, I shuddered. He was unnaturally, unbelievably calm and I felt the first stirrings of unease.

Fighting against a sharp pang of anxiety I propelled myself forward, hitting him full in the chest and sending us both lurching backwards. As we slammed into the side of his trailer I landed heavily against his chest and brought my leg up to knee him brutally. I'd been aiming for his gut, hoping to wind him further but I guess I slipped a little on the damp grass and my aim went low! Unable to stifle a response this time he gasped, eyes widening, and dropped like a sack of shit. I couldn't resist the temptation to taunt him.

"_That all you got? Seriously, that's the best you can do?"_

"_I'm going to fucking well kill you!" _

He said hoarsely staring at me blankly, his emotions once again closed off, his face devoid of all expression.

"_You want serious, I'll give you serious you sick fuck! You have no idea who you're messing with."_

He lunged forward, making no attempt to rise, and I felt his full weight hit me mid-thigh. Unable to maintain my balance my knees buckled and I pitched back my head striking the ground hard enough to make me lose consciousness for a few seconds. I heard a metallic click and responded, my reaction one of pure instinct, as I spun over and over rolling away from the sound. My mind over-rode the scream of agony that tried to fight its way passed my gritted teeth as my injured shoulder came into heavy contact with the ground. Instead I bounced lithely to my feet, my eyes automatically searching, coming to rest on a long blade its shiny surface reflecting the light thrown off by the rays of the moon.

Fuckin' idiot had pulled the knife before he'd even stood up.

Spinning in one agile movement I brought my booted footed crashing down onto one of his hands. The sound of bones breaking was sickeningly loud and I heard Emmett's horrified rasp in the background.

"_Sweet baby Jesus! Fuck Jasper, oh fuck!"_

James gave an agonised yell but swung back to his feet, the knife still firmly gripped in his other hand. I caught a shimmer of movement behind him.

"_Em'!" _I screamed _"NO!"_

Emmett had seen the knife and lunged at James whose injured arm hung like the broken wing of a bird, shattered and useless, but his eyes were wide and wild, unblinking. He felt nothing. I could see it clearly, no fear, no pain, no emotion and as the blade flashed toward Emmett and their bodies came together with a bone jarring thud there was no regret.

I froze. I didn't dare move. Emmett lay deathly still. Still. Still and silent as James barked out a triumphant laugh that rippled through the night air. Still. Still and silent as I stared into the dark depths of James's eyes and saw the threat, _the promise_ of revenge.


	46. Chapter 46

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Thanks for your patience everyone, got it finished finally, I hope you all think it was worth the wait? Before we go any further I need to put in a few words of warning - you already know that this is M rated **_**but **_**I have used a really, **_**really**_** bad word, one that I never use but I needed it for the shock value. It just worked, sorry. I've only used it once and I promise, it will not be making another appearance. I hope no one is too offended and that you enjoy the chapter.**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Six: Does It Always End In Death?_

_Jasper's Point of View_

"_Bear?"_

Fear. Gut wrenching, soul destroying, mother fuckin' fear gorged itself on my churning insides and paralysed my muscles as I tried not to see the image of him laying - broken - on the grass at my feet. It was obscene. Foul. He'd promised me he wouldn't interfere. He. Had. Promised. He was my best friend, closer than any true sibling and I should have protected him. But I hadn't and he was… he was…. I shook my head in confusion. Hadn't he understood? It was never, _**ever**_ supposed to have been him. I staggered back suddenly and turned away, doubling over as cramps gripped my stomach with all the force of an iron vice and I retched, over and over and over.

I heard James gulping for air as he cradled his mangled hand against his heaving chest and hatred blazed white hot in my frozen frame yet I couldn't move. I despised the weakness that held me immobile but my mind had fractured the second Emmett's body had smashed to the ground, the dull sound reverberating like an echoing gunshot and it had retreated to some deep, dark place unwilling to allow me to think, to function.

I felt an unpleasant sensation low in my groin and part of me recognised that my bladder was seconds away from emptying itself but even the fuckin' shame, the inherent humiliation that swept through me at the fleeting thought of pissing myself like a terrified kid, couldn't snap me out of my stupor. I was that small, scared boy hiding in the cellar all over again only now my terror wasn't for myself but for Emmett. He was never going home and that responsibility fell to me. It was my fault. Mine.

I swayed on my feet as my gaze tried to focus on the crumpled heap that looked nothing and yet everything like a bloodless corpse, a hulking body extra from some ghoulish 'B' movie thriller and a choking laugh snapped me back to reality like the twanging of an over-stretched elastic band.

The sound that ripped its way from my burning, aching throat was raw, feral, barely human and it released me from the utter despair that had held me prisoner. With Emmett gone fear was irrelevant. Pointless and unnecessary. He couldn't be hurt anymore, pain was a pleasure reserved for the living. Pain was something I knew. Pain was something I could take and pain was, most certainly, something I could give out and with that thought I flew at James like the very devil filled with bitter fury. There was nothing regimented or precise about my movements my military training buried deep beneath a layer of animalistic brutality as, hissing a string of profanities, I attacked him without restraint and without conscience. I was savage in my enjoyment as soft flesh split open under hard hands and bone impacted against tissue as I rained lightening fast punches down on whatever exposed part of James' body I could reach. With each blow a chill swept through my soul, pushing Emmett a little further into the light and dragging me a little closer to the darkness. And still it wasn't enough.

My boot caught James heavily in his calf and he stumbled, landing roughly, his hand slamming down onto Emmett's back in an effort to steady himself. My voice was laced with menace.

"_Take your hand off of him." _

He patted Emmett's shoulder in an almost friendly gesture and as he pushed himself upright he drawled sarcastically,

"_That's what you get when you bring an under-age drinker to the party. A mess. Always has to be someone who leaves a mess!"_

There was such a callous disregard in the joking way he spoke, even bloodied as he was, that I knew he was far from beaten. I gave a thick guttural growl.

"_Get away from him you cunt! I won't say it again."_

I lunged without further warning knocking him back and away from Emmett's body and my clenched fist shot out so fast he could only roar as he reeled even further backward. He turned quickly and charged, the knife no longer in his possession, slamming a right hook into the side of my face hard enough to gash my cheek and make me to see stars. I retaliated immediately, hitting him with such force that pain lanced through my arms, spiking up into my shoulder. It was a fierce struggle for dominance. I jabbed him solidly in his ribs, and he slipped, skidding across the uneven ground. As he scuttled back, with all the inelegance of a sea-crab, he twisted his legs catching them around my ankles and dragging me to the floor. I felt the gun fall from my jeans but as I scrabbled in the dirt for it he lunged at my throat, fingers grasping for purchase at the collar of my jacket, pulling my head down until I could see the harsh, graven lines in his face, read the silent menace and hatred there. With my chin almost touching my chest, I contracted the muscles in my stomach and curled my back slightly away from the floor. With a subtle shift in position I let my forehead touch lightly on James' chest then clamping my jaws together I suddenly unwound and straightened up with the force of a small explosion. I heard James' choked gasp, felt the shockwave of my head butt reverberate up and down his spine, saw the droplets of blood fly from his busted lip as he flung me away from him, grunting with the effort, and aimed his foot at my kidneys.

And so it went on.

We brawled like a pair of savages as unrelenting as two opposing forces of nature and just as unstoppable - punching, gouging, kicking - until finally there was a sharp crack and his piercing shriek rent the night. He collapsed, gagging and panting, his lips moving in soundless agony as blood pink saliva dribbled faster and faster down his slack jaw. I raised my fist and punched him again, not caring that his expression was glazed, not noticing that his eyes had rolled back into his head, a head that lolled to one side… unconscious. My brain had shut itself down to everything but the need to keep on inflicting injuries as though every blow might wipe out the truth I so desperately didn't want to face.

My arm trembled with exertion as I lifted it, my legs shook with effort and sweat cloaked by body, running in rivulets down my flushed face, stinging my eyes and blurring my vision like tears. Suddenly I was wrenched forcibly away, my upper arm held in a strong, unyielding grip.

"_Enough now cowboy. He's had enough."_

I stared into Emmett's face, desperately searching for the lie, wanting so much to believe in the reality yet not daring to hope. He simply watched and waited not releasing my arm until he knew it was truly over. His voice was low and steady, his gaze resolute as it drilled into mine.

"_I'm alright Jazz. Do you understand me? The knife? It missed me. It sliced through the jacket but when we went down I must have hit my head on something. I'm okay cowboy. Really."_

I fell against him then shaking not only from the strain of the fight but from sheer relief, he was alive. Alive. As I punched the air in jubilation he caught my decimated hands and held them gingerly, whispering,

"_Fuck! Jasper… what have you done to yourself?"_

I looked at them dispassionately and didn't feel a single ounce of remorse.

As Emmett tried to lead me away I resisted.

"_This ain't over Bear. He's still breathin' an' until he's not pollutin' the air it's not finished."_

My voice was husky, thick with pain.

"_I meant what I said. I came here to…."_

I looked around, disorientated, shapes were moving.

"_What the fuck…?"_

The shadows at the furthest edges of my vision were breaking free - from the trees, from the outlying trailers, from the very ground beneath my feet - detaching themselves and advancing. Towards me. Slowly I became aware of murmurings, soft mutterings being carried on the faintest of cool breezes. Mumblings that were steadily giving way to louder cries of shock and confusion. I stared hard into the gloom as it spewed out more and more phantoms, no, not phantoms, not some crazed fantasy my drug-addled imagination had conjured up but people. Real people. They began to form a loose circle around Em' and I and I was thrown back again to another time and place. A time and place when I'd found myself battered and bruised, bowed not beaten, in the middle of a different angry mob. It was then I realised with a huge sense of shock, that women stood, shoulder to shoulder, with these men. Their faces not filled with anger and hate but with resignation and… relief? I heard Emmett sigh.

"_Look around you Jazz. All you've got to do is walk away man."_

I felt my resolve harden and said simply,

"_I can't."_

A figure approached haltingly, stopping in front of us, too close for me to feel comfortable and I fought the impulse to take a step back not wanting to surrender ground or show any sign of weakness. Gentle hands tentatively reached out to wrap something around my bleeding knuckles and I flinched but to my own surprise, didn't withdraw my fingers from hers trying, instead, to focus on faintly spoken words I was struggling to hear.

"_You can. Walk away I mean. You have done enough. No more is," _the velvety soft voice hesitated _"necessary."_

There were grunts from all round, of assent I presumed, then a man strode forward and placed one arm possessively around the slight figure who'd spoken. Like hers, his skin was a warm golden colour, his eyes liquid jet, hair midnight black. He wore it long and straight over his shoulders and his build was impressive, large and thickly muscled. His accent hinted that, he too, was Native American.

"_I'm afraid my wife" _he looked at the girl affectionately _"is a very poor liar. When she got back I persuaded her to tell me the truth and she has explained the… erm… situation. We are all here to help."_

He gestured outwards and I could see heads nodding fiercely in agreement. He rested his arm lightly on my shoulder, his heavy features seemed to reflect genuine remorse, guilt even as he spoke,

"_Many of us know only the fairground way of life. It is something we were born into and so we are wary, distrustful, of strangers, of those who suddenly find themselves thrust among us."_

He enunciated each word carefully, eyes begging for understanding.

"_We have grown up living with a set of rules that are very different to any you would understand. We are like a wolf pack in many ways. Wolves naturally organise their packs to maintain stability, the pack leader taking the reins based on strength and the ability to fight. That's what James and Laurent did. This is a harsh business and we need strong managers to ensure our survival. We have been subservient to James since he took over from his father, he's our Aplha for all intents and purposes, we have bent to his will even when we knew that, perhaps, it was wrong to do so. Looking the other way because our instincts told us we should. Because our livelihoods depended on it." _

How much had they known about what Alice had endured? How often had they turned a blind eye because she was an outsider? I felt the acute burn of rage fire my blood and wanted to yell at him that this was all bullshit, that nothing could justify the way Alice had been treated but I heard sounds of a scuffle breaking out and he moved away from me.

"_Please. Wait here. We will deal with this and then, perhaps, you will understand."_

I watched him draw his fist back and then it was a blur, a streak of displaced light as it flew with unerring accuracy at James' already shattered jaw with such force and finality that even I cringed as I heard the blow connect. Then he pulled his leg back and I tensed, waiting for another strike… it never came. Instead I saw a gleam, a flash of light on metal and the gun landed with a muted thud at my feet. I heard Emmett's breathless voice and knew he was aghast as I dived for the weapon.

"_No! Jazz please. Don't. Jasper, don't. Don't do it."_

I stared at him in stunned silence, biting back an angry retort only when I saw his intense, sombre expression and realised his pleading was for my benefit. Always my protector. Always the one to stand between me and my enemies. I allowed myself the briefest of smiles, I swear he would push me behind him to face Lucifer himself if he thought it would help.

"_Your friend is right. Jasper is it?"_

I spun around quickly, nodding as I looked behind me properly and saw it was the big man speaking as he advanced slowly, not with trepidation more with a sense being alert to the… possibilities.

"_Jasper your friend is right. You do not need to do this. That," _his eyes flicked to the weapon in my hand _"is no longer necessary."_

My legs trembled. They felt as heavy as lead yet were threatening to collapse under me at any second. I swayed, literally fuckin' swayed, then felt the reassuring solidity of Emmett's strong presence at my back.

"_You're shitting me right?"_

Jesus H Christ did this man not know when to stay the fuck down? James had forced the words out from between cracked and swollen lips and they were followed by a sharp hiss of discomfort and just as quickly stifled behind a resentful grimace.

"_What the fuck is this? You're not living in some Goddamn democracy. D'you think you're all banding together to over throw some tyrannical regime with me as the oppressive despot? Is that what this is?"_

He snorted, laughter mingled with pain.

"_A fucking coup? Vive la revolution!"_

Rage. I felt it again. The overwhelming, all-consuming flame of utter fury scorched me from head to toe. I felt it roasting, re-igniting the flicker of anger that had just started to wane, like oxygen relighting a glowing splint. One more spark and I knew I wouldn't be able to control my temper, I'd go up like a fuckin' powder keg, incinerating everything in my path. From far away I could hear Emmett telling me to calm down but it was the young woman who reached out to me through the blaze of my madness and for a second time I didn't pull away from her soothing touch.

"_Leave this to Paul Jasper. Everyone has agreed on what has to be done, he is only making this easier for us… with the words he says."_

Paul moved as if to pat my shoulder but his hand froze in midair and he chuckled,

"_Yeah maybe not. Jasper? You and your friend should leave. What is going to happen now does not concern you."_

I interrupted with a snarl,

"_Like hell is doesn't. That bastard was ready to kill Alice an' either he or Laurent," _I spat over his name _"put a bullet in me. This doesn't concern me? I fuckin' beg to differ."_

"_I won't deny that Jasper."_

"_Really?" _I interrupted sarcastically, _"well gee thanks!"_

He carried on as though I hadn't spoken.

"_But we are not going to meekly stand by and let you murder another human being, no matter how loosely that term refers to James."_

"_Fuck me!" _

I mumbled to both myself and Emmett before raising my voice,

"_So let me get this straight. You can 'stand by'" _I deliberately mocked his words _"an' watch us kick the absolute crap outta each other as long as it's nothin' serious? Gimme a fuckin' break."_

The gun, which I still held loosely in one hand, was pointed harmlessly - mostly harmlessly - at the ground. I tapped it a few times against my leg in growing agitation and felt several pairs of eyes following the movement.

Paul grasped my wrist, the one holding the weapon, his touch burning hot, his long fingers biting into my flesh and staying my hand. He spoke carefully with no hint of censure in his words, no blame.

"_You did what you had to do. You do __**not**__ have to do __**this. **__When Leah admitted you were here we knew what might happen. Knew that you had the, resourcefulness shall we say, to take a life if you so chose. Together we quickly decided to go to the others. There has always been the possibility, even with James' father, that something like this could happen. That someone like you would come looking for revenge and we had discussed what we would do. What we could do. We spoke with them, the others, those who have experienced the," _he paused and swallowed audibly _"the harsher side of our way of life. Travelling. The fair."_

His eyes were asking for me to understand, to tell him that it was alright but I said nothing only twitched the arm he was still holding until he released me. In his earnestness he made to move closer until Emmett stepped forward, growling in warning.

"_What I'm trying to tell you, both of you," _he said, looking meaningfully at Emmett, _"is that this will end here. Tonight. We will… end it. There will be no comeback. No repercussions. Alice, and by extension you, will be safe. You have my word."_

James snorted derisively and tried to stand, only to have his hand kicked from under himby someone whose face was hidden in shadow. It was a pretty speech but it meant Jack shit.

"_Your word? Your word doesn't mean anythin' to me. I don't know you anymore than I know him."_

I jerked my head in James' direction, my eyes hard but face smiling at his head in the dirt.

"_How… no, more importantly, why would I trust you?" _I asked.

He leaned down and whispered softly to Leah, words too low for me to make out. She glanced at me once and then again before nodding and saying quietly,

"_You have no reason to trust us so you will stay. Stay and bear witness. If your friend chooses to remain he will have to participate, you… you have done enough."_

Emmett and I watched as she strode away, Paul at her side. As they walked towards James the small crowd of people fell in behind them and I began to notice things that had escaped me before - someone wielding a baseball bat, someone nonchalantly swinging a length of chain, someone hefting a chunk of wood backwards and forwards, sparkling knuckles catching the light in a way that wasn't even remotely natural, another bat, some more wood….

Leah looked over her shoulder grimly,

"_Well are you coming or not?"_


	47. Chapter 47

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**I'd just like to say a huge 'thank you' to everyone who took the time to review or PM me about the last chapter, I'm glad it went the way you all wanted, but honestly your lack of faith in me stings - as if I would let anything serious happen to either of the boys…**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

_Chapter Fourty Seven: Choices_

_Emmett's Point of View_

The look on Jasper's face was _absolutely_ menacing and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was going to follow the woman. The deep-seated need for vengeance had burnt its way through his brain, swallowing up any seed of logical thought that had started to germinate. _Fuck! _He was so far beyond rational I had no idea how the hell I was going to talk him down but I knew I had to try.

His eyes narrowed, warning me to be cautious, to tread carefully but we'd been through this and his intimidation bullshit wasn't going to work, not today. He tilted his chin defiantly and I knew, I just knew he was fighting tooth and nail not to fall apart. He was exhausted. Usually when Jasper spoke and he was under some kind of physical or mental pressure, his Southern drawl would become thicker, more noticeable but not this time. This time his words were clipped and precise. His tone icy.

"_Forget it Emmett. There's no way. No fucking way I'm letting you do this. I __**have**__ to see. I __**need**__ to know that this ends…"_

As he tried to continue speaking his body was wracked by a bout of coughing and he quickly threw his arm across his face. He was fast but not fast enough! I saw the foam bubbles collect on his lips to become a fine mist of red as they spattered indiscriminate, bloody patterns on his wrist and hand. As he doubled over he couldn't hide his breathlessness or the spasm of pain gripping him when he tried to continue.

"_Em'…." _he wheezed and pitched forward.

I caught him easily, not missing the quiet gasp he tried to muffle as the move jarred him. His eyes might have hardened to the colour of flint but I could see the tears there. He was hurting and he was hurting bad.

"_You're one arrogant son of a bitch cowboy, d'you know that?"_

I felt a sharp sensation as his fingers cut into my arm as he tried to push away from me to stand on his own and I thought about letting him, for just a split second I thought about letting him go but I couldn't do it. I'd never let him fall. Never.

"_Against my better judgement I let you come here tonight."_I almost laughed at his incredulous expression.

"_Oh make no mistake cowboy, I let you do this. No rhyme, no reason, just sheer fucking stupidity because I could have stopped you. I could have refused to go to Aro. Could have refused to get you the bike and the drug. Dragged this whole scenario out until the fair had left town. I could have told Alice. But I didn't. You asked for my help thinking I wouldn't say no but I could have done. I could have but I didn't. You asked me to stand by, to stay out of your way and be safe but I didn't. That knife? It sliced through my jacket but it might not have done and that could have been me dead Jazz. I could have been dead but I'm not. D'you see where this is going? Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"_

Confusion was evident in his expression as he shook his head and I smiled slyly.

"_Fucking hell Jazz I thought I was supposed to be the dumb one? I make my own choices. You don't get a say in whether or not I do this. If I do this or if I don't it's down to me. Me. Not you. But it just so happens that I __**choose**__ not to. I don't know what's going to happen but I can make a pretty good fuckin' guess and d'you know something? I don't need to see that shit. Those are nightmares I can certainly live without. How about you? You really need more fuel for those horrors that keep you up at night?"_

I raised an eyebrow at him, goading him with my questions.

"_You think Alice needs…"_

"_Are you two coming or not? Come or leave but either way, do it now."_

He seemed to fold in on himself then, all the fight leaving him in a rush as Leah called out and he hung his head, whispering,

"_I can't do this anymore Bear. I just can't."_

His face was taut as he struggled for control and I know how much admitting that had cost him, he slumped further into my arms giving up the fight to remain standing.

"_It's over for us Leah. We're leaving."_

Her terse nod was the only response before she turned her back and walked away.

I stood, mesmerised for a moment, staring up at a sky that had gradually begun to lighten as all this fuckery had been happening. The soft glow of the moon had been replaced by a pale golden wash that said dawn was fast approaching.

"_Jazz we gotta get out of here man. We need to go."_

He nodded apathetically and I felt genuine fear gnawing at my insides like a rat working on a piece of fresh meat as I realised that I had no idea of just how badly injured he might be. My brain worked furiously as it tried to recall the clues that indicated internal damage but I came up blank, I knew Jasper could probably diagnose himself but I didn't trust him to be honest, not with himself and certainly not with me. I reached out to grab him under the arms, ready to haul him to his feet when we both froze and I felt chills chase their way up and down my spine.

In that second a light had briefly lit up the sky, even now I don't know what it was and in all honesty I really didn't, and don't, fucking well care because I had seen things, things gripped tightly in the hands of the mob - because that's what they were, a hostile, implacable mob of people who had had enough - and I knew what they were. Weapons. Ammunition in their fight to take back some semblance of control over their lives. They had known that, eventually, someone like Jasper would come looking for James or, before he'd been killed, Laurent and before that James' father, and in their own way they had been ready. The thought made me feel ill. How many people had suffered unnecessarily? Why wait at all? I didn't understand.

A scream of wretched agony and helplessness tore at my conscience.

"_Jasper what…?"_

He shook his head, struggling for breath.

"_Trust me you don't wanna know."_

I stared down at his ashen face and realised that he was right. I didn't want to know, I still wanted us to go home but I wasn't stupid, I could draw my own conclusions and with them came mental images, thick and fast and relentless. Abhorrent constructs of my wild imagination and suddenly although I didn't _want_ to know, like Jasper I _needed_ to know because nothing could be worse right than the thoughts that were fashioning themselves into vivid, gory pictures in my brain.

"_Jasper I have to…."_

The animal-like sound that ground its way from Jasper's throat stopped me in my tracks and he panted heavily as he tried to stand unaided. He knew I'd changed my mind about leaving.

"_No Em' don't. Please. You heard what they said, if you go over there they'll make you," _he paused and shuddered _"participate. You don't wanna do that Bear, trust me. You don't wanna have that on your conscience an' I certainly don't want it on mine."_

He'd somehow managed to struggle to his feet but his face was sallow and sickly with the effort it had taken and he swayed like a man who'd had one drink too many.

"_If you wanna know what's happenin', an' I mean if you __**really**__ wanna know then I'll tell you. If you don't then get me the fuck outta here before I pass out on the fuckin' grass."_

He doubled over helplessly, his body contracting only now I couldn't identify what it was - more coughing or more pain. His eyes darkened further, glittering dangerously and though he spoke softly his words were stiff and fierce.

"_If no one person can be found responsible, if no single person can be held accountable for what happens to James then what does he report? How can he go to the police with such an incredulous story? Attacked by all the people who work for him, depend on him for their pay cheque, would you believe it? Everyone will deny they were anywhere near him when 'this' happened. They'll provide alibis for one another, each of them coverin' tracks - for themselves an' others. So they're all guilty or…"_

Understanding dawned and, horrified, I finished his sentence.

"_They're all innocent."_

He nodded, his expression grim and his voice a thin, papery whisper.

"_Yeah Bear an' the only way that can happen is if they all take a turn. One by one all those fuckin' people will…"_

"_Will what Jazz? Christ! They were all holding shit! I saw a fucking plank of wood!!"_

For the second time his only response was a quiet _'yeah Bear'._

"_What Jasper? For fucks sake what? I thought I understood what was going on but I don't. I don't get it. I just. I don't."_

He heaved a shuddering sigh.

"_You do Emmett. You understand perfectly but just so it's straight for you an' we can get the fuck outta here I'll lay it down as plainly as I can. All those people you saw, an' I do mean all of 'em will hit James. One after the other they'll all take a turn, kinda like Pass the Parcel for grown-ups. An' yeah, you saw wood which makes me think that they ain't gonna be slappin' him with a wet fish. There's a lot of 'em so I'd say they'll only have one turn a piece but what the fuck do I know right? An' just so things are crystal clear, they ain't gonna stop. He can scream, beg an' bleed. He can pass the fuck out but make no mistake Bear, each an' every man or woman will have their turn."_

I thought I could handle it - seeing that shit, being a part of it even, but I couldn't. The horror of all those people against one man wasn't right. It just wasn't. It didn't matter what he was capable of, it didn't matter what he'd done - and I realised that I genuinely meant that - even his role in Jasper's shooting couldn't, didn't warrant this kind of vigilantism. It was barbaric. Jasper was right, I hadn't needed to know and now that I did I really wished I didn't. But I still needed to voice the one question that was keeping me from leaving,

"_What happens if things go too far cowboy?"_

He shrugged, unconcerned.

"_If they kill him you mean? Not our problem."_

And there it was. The shocking truth. Jasper saw nothing wrong with this fucked up situation, what he saw was the elimination of a danger that had been threatening us all. He was as untroubled by the sinister turn of events as he was the possibility or even the probability of any terrifying consequences.

Yet I couldn't blame him. He was a product of so many things - his past, his fierce loyalty to our friendship, his love for Alice and his overwhelming, almost obsessive compulsion to keep us all safe - he was dark and he was hard but he could also be unquestionably gentle and he loved with his entire being. He felt _everything_ so much that somewhere over the years his ideals had gotten distorted and left a troubled young man in their place.

I knew that I couldn't change who he had become, I could only understand why and be there to help him when he needed me. Like now. I squared my shoulders resolutely and set my jaw, gritting my teeth to stop the words that wanted to escape my mouth from flying out. My brain was screaming at me to turn around and go back, to yell and shout, to do something, anything to stop this happening.

I didn't.

I chose to shut my eyes against the rise and fall of blood-soaked arms, to close my ears against the shrill cries of suffering. James sounded like a wounded animal desperately thrashing around in a fruitless attempt to escape his tormentors. His gasping grunts had become helpless sobbing as he begged for mercy, finding none and, as much as I tried to block them out, each small sound cut deep into my psyche, flaying me alive with my own sense of guilt but I had made my choice.

I knew that in the days and weeks to come I would suffer for my decision but I was doing this for Jasper and with unarguable finality I dragged him upright again.

"_Come on cowboy, let's go the fuck home."_


	48. Chapter 48

**DISCLAIMER: **** This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.**

**Having spoken to many of you via PM I decided to go ahead and write an Epilogue, this is set **_**'sometime' **_**in Alice and Jasper's future and I won't pin it down further than that. I've tried to tie up all the loose ends and have to say, I'm happy with the ending, I hope you are too. So that's it then. We're done. **

**This is for Karen H and Debbie B who always wanted a Happy Ever After. For Helen (ItsTimeToBurn) for listening to my waffle. For Christine and Debbie M for their unfailing enthusiasm and support. For Debbie T for giving me encouragement and for sharing stuff. For Terry who helped me through the sexy stuff. For Debbie P who constantly tells me how great my writing is *blushes*. For all my FL friends especially Hirel, Debbie C (yeah another one) and Kirstie and for everyone who's come with us on the journey… THANK YOU.**

**Oh and Barb? Bananas!**

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

EPILOGUE

_Alice's Point of View_

They think we, Rosalie and I, don't know about their sacrifices what they did to break me free from my old life, to keep me safe in my new one. They think that, by withholding the knowledge of what really happened that night, of what they really did, that they are protecting us. They're wrong. The pain-fuelled, pain-filled vision, that woke me screaming in the early hours and brought Rose running to my bedside, took care of that.

I was petrified, almost incoherent with fear and that over-rode my normal unwillingness to share that vulnerable part of myself I try so hard, even now, to keep hidden. I told her absolutely everything and in turn we agreed to tell them absolutely nothing.

We cried our crocodile tears when they explained how Jasper had 'fallen off the motorbike' and didn't suggest that it was odd that he was out riding at 2am and that Emmett was following him in the jeep. Neither of us fussed over his unwillingness to go to the hospital and although, when he'd undressed my heart had broken for him, I didn't question why his body was battered yet his clothes weren't even torn.

If they thought it curious, they kept it to themselves.

So now we all have secrets that we guard with a single-mindedness that we should probably find disturbing but we don't and it works… for us.

Emmett was lost for a while, closed off and distant from everyone but from Jasper most of all. Understandably he blamed Jasper for his pain. He is such a good man that what he saw… it changed him. It would change almost anyone. And yes, I know _you know _what I mean when I say _'almost anyone' _but it doesn't matter to me, we each have our flaws, our idiosyncrasies, our weak spots and in spite of his, or maybe because of them, I love Jasper. I love him unconditionally.

Mostly it was the guilt that tormented Emmett I think. Guilt that he had knowingly left another human being in real danger of losing his life. Guilt that he had been forced to choose his friend over his enemy, Jasper over James. Guilt that he had turned and walked away. If James had died I don't know how Emmett would have coped but his relief when Leah contacted me, using the excuse that she had collected all my stuff and would send it on and let it slip that James was still alive, was palpable.

As it was, his shame was a burden that continued to fester away inside of him like a cancerous sore until the man who had once rescued me, was able to rescue him too. Edward. My other saviour. Edward with his ridiculous hair and his cat-green eyes, his beautiful, healthy wife and their adorable daughter burst back into my life with all the subtlety of an exploding bomb and for everything they gave back to us over the summer months, Emmett was by far the most important and I will be forever grateful to them.

Emmett has already forgiven Jasper and now he must learn to forgive himself. I know it will happen given time and he has all of us here supporting him, even if he doesn't exactly know it. Secrets, _remember? _

And he has his Rosie. She is an amazing woman and if Emmett is our bear then Rosalie is our lioness, the quiet courage she has, the calm strength of character all wrapped up with a bow of perfect, blonde-headed loveliness will be his salvation. Eventually.

The visions don't trouble me anymore, I haven't had one in over two months, not since I found out. Knowing what the future holds for us has made me reflect a lot on my past and I've come to believe that it was all leading to this. That I had to suffer the heartbreak of losing Bella to set me on the path to finding Jasper, the other part of myself, my soul mate. Bella will always be with me and I've made my peace with her now. I know she is watching over us. Bella was… is irreplaceable and so we will call _her_ Isabella or maybe Izzy and when she is old enough I will share my memories with her of her precious aunt and in that small way, Bella will live on in all our hearts.

When he takes me in his strong arms tonight I will share my secret with him, and I smile quietly to myself as my final vision replays itself in my mind.

_Jasper holds me gently as though I am a fragile flower whose petals he will crush if he tightens his grip. The gentle warmth of the late fall sun is slowly bringing some colour back to my too pale skin and I breathe deeply, relishing in the freedom of being home from the hospital… finally. _

_He kisses my head and I turn my face to his, seeking out his lips and he chuckles. It has been too long since we were able to touch one another and I miss his caresses. His eyes are sparkling and I know what he is going to say but I let him tell me anyway, his voice gruff with emotion._

"_I love you Ali-cat. More than you will ever know."_

_Then he watches, in fascinated wonder, as our daughter suckles at my breast, her startling grey green eyes, so like his own, gaze back at him in silent adoration. They are smitten with one another already. He runs his fingers lightly over her downy hair, hair that is as black as the darkest jet, curls that are a finely tangled mess, an exact replica of both his and mine. Together we breathe in her heavenly scent, our saving grace, our angel._

_Jasper's Point of View_

I will spend the rest of my life trying to make amends for the devastated look on Alice's face when Emmett all but carried me through the door to the apartment that night. I saw the colour leech from her already pale cheeks. Saw her breath catch. Saw the haunted look in her eyes and I know, _I know _I can never take that back, not from her, not from Rosalie and not from Emmett… but I can fuckin' well try.

Alice and I are rarely apart now and as our bond strengthens so apparently does our _'other' _connection and I am able to sense the ebb and flow of her emotions more and more. That's how I know she doesn't believe the bullshit story about my falling off the bike. She never did. And if Alice knows the truth I'd be a fool to bet against her having told Rose and I may be many things but a fool isn't one of them! So we don't mention that night. Ever. In my blacker moments I wonder if that means all our relationships are based on a carefully constructed web of lies with truth as the ugly spider and us as the flies, the bugs stuck in the lines of silk tugging to be free but only succeeding in becoming tangled even further. Would the loosening of one fragile thread cause us to unravel and fall apart? No. I don't believe it would. Each of us knows the truth, whether we choose to say it out-loud or not and that is vastly different from never knowing the truth at all. Lie. Live. Love.

One of the first things that Alice did after Leah returned her things was contact Edward. She had missed him so much and although I had to bite down hard on the jealousy that threatened to mar our first meeting how could ever I truly resent anyone who was so good for Alice?

If he thought it odd that, out of the blue, she suddenly wanted him to be a part of her life again he never mentioned it, not to her nor to me. I often wonder how much of the situation he pieced together for himself but that's all I do… wonder. I never ask and I never will.

It is impossible not to love the softly spoken Esme, even thinking her name makes me smile. She is pretty and petite and has large doleful eyes that hide a will of steel! She is only a few years older than Emmett and I yet she mothers us both, scolding us as easily as she does her adorable daughter, when we cuss too loud or step out of line.

Edward is good for Em' and I too. Over a summertime of barbeques and beer in the beautiful garden of their beautiful home we've become friends and it still amazes me, even now, how much Edward can get you tell him without actually realising what you're saying. Hazards of his job I guess. I swear it's like an informal fuckin' counselling session sometimes. But it helped and, most importantly, it _still_ helps Emmett. He didn't walk away from that night unscathed and sometimes there is a desolate look dimming the light in his eyes, one that I hoped never to have to face in another human being. I know I'm responsible for putting it there and that kills something inside of me but not enough, never enough to make me regret what happened. My only regret is in involving him at all.

He's never said so and I know he never would but I think, for a time, Em' hated me for what happened. I want to tell him that it's okay, that I understand and that he couldn't have hated me more than I hated myself for what I exposed him to. But I won't because we don't talk about it _remember_? Not. Ever. He told me, back then, that the choice was his, it wasn't. Not really. Not from the second I begged him for his help. Bonds. Bonds of childhood. Bonds of friendship. Bonds… now cemented in blood.

Just when the anguish in his expression is about to force me to break our unspoken pact never to talk about what happened, Rosalie will appear. I don't know how she knows he needs her but she does and it is their love for one another that, given time, will heal them both because she is fighting her own demons.

Aren't we all?

The nightmares still plague me sometimes but not like they did in the early days… before Alice and I found each other. On the grim nights when they do come she is there to ease my fears before they can really take hold, because of her I don't wake up screaming anymore. I know now that the horror will always be there lurking, that some images will never leave me but I am slowly trying to replace them with new memories, banishing the old ones to the deepest recesses of my mind.

Every moment I spend with Alice helps me chase those shadows further away, allows my soul to infuse itself with her light, her goodness. I love her more than anything and it is a love that knows no boundaries, a love that will always trust in her, always be there to protect her. She is my redemption.

I made a promise to her once - that I would give my life for her and if it's ever necessary, I will. There are some fucked up people out there and yeah after what I've done I know the irony of that statement, trust me I do, but this promise is one I will never, _ever_ break and because of that I don't let go of the darkness in me completely. Just incase…

_**THE END**_

**A/N So there you have it. I know I've said it before but… THANK YOU… it's been f*cking awesome, as have you!**

**Don't usually do this as there are sooooo many great FanFics out there (go and check out my Profile for my favourite 15 to date if you want some good reading) but am going to pimp out xIt's Time To Burnx's story. It's her first one and it's Alice/Jasper, dead good too so have a little read and leave her some love!**

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5885373/1/We are broken


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